And therefore Christians, whatever you have of the world in your hands, be it more or less, as you value the peace as well as the purity of your souls, keep it out of your hearts. -Matthew Henry
Monthly Archive for April, 2007
Page 3 of 7
One of the many temptations for the unmarried woman is to pretend to be happy. Now before you throw something, let me explain. I think that unmarried women should be happy, of course, and I know many who are. Contentment is required of us all, and the unmarried woman has much to be thankful for.
But here is the temptation: if you are struggling with contentment and longing to be married, it is easy to want to hide it from everyone else. If you admit that you want to be married, you may think you are admitting a weakness or a fault. Or you might not want to seem like a marriage nerd, always on the lookout for “him.†So you pretend to be doing fine when in fact you are not doing fine. You may even convince yourself (while dogmatically telling others) that you don’t really want marriage right now, that you’re not interested in a relationship because you don’t have the time. But we all know that if God sent the right man along now, you would happily drop everything in a heartbeat.
Imagine a conversation with a sweet Christian woman who is in this kind of jam. You run into her and ask how she is doing. She then falls all over herself telling you how much she loves her job, how busy she is, how much traveling she is doing, how she really doesn’t have any time (or need) for a social life. Or she tells you about her classes, when she’ll have her degree, and all the wonderful job possibilities waiting out there for her. Now I’m certainly not saying that she is lying about all this. Don’t get me wrong here. But I am saying that it is possible that this is just all a very hollow cover to make you think she is happy, happy, happy when she would really like to cry and scream and say she hates all this. She might really want to tell you that she is miserable, frustrated, and lonely traveling by herself, that she wishes she could be doing something that would give her more fulfillment and make her feel more a part of the body of Christ. But this, she thinks, would be admitting defeat, and so she convinces herself that her career is all she wants after all.
Part of the way to freedom for women in this bind is to help them see, first of all, that it is okay to want to be married. In fact, it is not just okay, it is good. Of course there is nothing in the world wrong with wanting to be married. It is only wrong to be miserable or bitter about it. And wanting to be married does not equal discontent. Many women are feeling a false guilt about this. It goes something like this: “If I were truly godly, I wouldn’t want to be married. I would be happy to be unmarried for the rest of my life. But I do long to be married, therefore I am not rejoicing in the Lord, and therefore I am guilty of sin.†But you can confess false guilt all day long and never feel forgiven. God forgives real sin not our imagined sin. Continue reading ‘Don’t Pretend to be Happy’
The list of fruit in Galatians begins with love. Before we get into applying this to marriage, let’s examine what the Bible says about whom and what we are supposed to love, and what that love should look like.
Our first duty is to love our Maker.
Deuteronomy 6:4-5: Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. Notice that we are to love with everything we have. By loving God first, we have the ability to love others. How can we tell if we love God? Jesus says in John 14:23, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.”
And in John 14:15 he says, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” If we wonder if we really love God, we can’t look into our hearts or check our emotions, we must consider how eager we are to obey God. This is the real test of our love of God.
We also love God’s law, His word, and His testimonies. Consider how the psalmist is delighting, meditating on, and keeping God’s law.
Psalm 119:127: Therefore I love Your commandments more than gold, yes, than fine gold!
Psalm 119:47: And I will delight myself in Your commandments, which I love.
Psalm 119:97: Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day.
Psalm 119:167: My soul keeps Your testimonies and I love them exceedingly.
Next, we are to love our neighbor. Leviticus 19:18: You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. By the way, our husband is our closest neighbor, not the girl down the street.
Not only are we to love our neighbors, we are to love our enemies. Matthew 5:44-46: But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? God is kind to those who are evil, and we are called to imitate Him in this.
We are to love our fellow saints: John 15:12-14: This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.
We see this again in 1 Peter 2:17: Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.
And finally, we are to love our husbands and children. Titus 2:4 tells the older women to “admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children.”
We are to love God, love His Word, love our neighbors, love our enemies, love our fellow Christians, love our husbands, love our children. I don’t think anyone has been left out. But what is this love supposed to look like? The world can come up with lots of views on love, but since God Himself is love, we look to Him to define and illustrate it for us. As we look at a few more passages to help us to see the qualities of this kind of love, let’s go ahead now and apply it to our love for our husbands.
Love covers sins. Proverbs 10:12: Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.
Let me interpret this. Love covers over plain old sin. Not just over offenses or mistakes or bumps, but it covers over real sin.
Love is fervent and forgiving.1 Peter 4:8: And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins. We are not to be half-hearted about loving our husbands; we are to have a real zealousness about it.
Love builds up. 1 Corinthians 8:1 Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies. Remember the wise woman in Proverbs 14:1 is building her house while the foolish woman is tearing hers down. Wives show a constructive love to their husbands when they show respect, kindness, and gratitude. They destroy the place when they are disrespectful, disobedient, and dishonoring to their husbands.
Here is a clear definition of what a biblical love will look like. I have to quote this whole passage from Romans 12:9-21:
Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who curse you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. Therefore, If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Let’s take a look at a few things here. Love should be affectionate. This means it is demonstrative, warm, and responsive. It is humble, not bossy; diligent, not lazy; patient, not impulsive; hopeful, not critical; prayerful, not careless; active, not stagnant.
It is not hypocritical, angry, high-minded, self-absorbed, vengeful, or overwhelmed. Love does not give up. It is thoughtful and serious. Love is not thinking about itself but about the beloved.
A very familiar Scripture is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Years ago I heard my father-in-law say that we should substitute our own name wherever the word love appears in this passage. Try it out and see how you do.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
So consider these things as a wife. Are you longsuffering in the midst of difficulty? But not only that, are you cheerful and kindly? Do you give up easily, or are you joyful and patient? Are you keeping your marriage vows faithfully, always hopeful, enduring hardships, unfailing in your loyalty and commitment to the man you married?
Love is not envious, self-centered, arrogant, rude, self-seeking, irritable, suspicious, or unreliable. It is not glum, negative, or depressed. Love prevails.
One of the astounding things about the women in our congregation and our sister congregation of Trinity Reformed is the impressive amount of output in the form of showers. This month five showers are on the calendar for new babies and brides, and that is not really unusual. I attended a bridal shower Saturday morning and another one tonight, and the thing that astonishes me is the enthusiasm and ongoing generosity of the women. Piles of presents come through the door, and this is not insignificant. These girls are getting a wonderful start on their married life or on their baby’s wardrobe. And the showers are not just for the first or second baby. No way. The ladies here are into kids, and each baby is welcomed into the community with a shower no matter what number he or she is. I tell you there is no stopping these women! Continue reading ‘April Showers and Sabbath Living’
Many things in life, and many things in marriage, arise to trouble us. Some are real troubles, but many are imagined ones. This article is about the imagined ones. Jesus told us not to borrow trouble because each day has enough of its own. He told us not to be worriers because worrying is a big waste of time and accomplishes nothing. Prayer is the way to deal with our concerns.
            So what am I getting at? Women are worriers (not to say that men aren’t, but this is not written with them in mind) and we can fret and fuss over many things. Remember Martha when she was fussing over the dinner clean up? She was not alone in this feminine temptation.
            But we can also fuss over our marriages. We can fret and worry and nurture a critical, unhappy spirit if we don’t maintain close watch over our souls. Our fuss-budget flesh requires constant Continue reading ‘Fussing’
Christian contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God’s wise and faitherly disposal in every condition. -Jeremiah Burroughs in The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment
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