Comments on: Stay in Fellowship http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/ Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:22:52 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Lori http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34687 Lori Thu, 31 Jan 2008 20:34:12 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34687 I love how you said that it is not a legalistic thing to have these rules to live by in your marriage, even though it may seem that way to some people. We have a lot of similar rules to live by in our marriage and you are right, they really do become second nature. I also liked your response where you said that the repentance should be as public as the offense. Great point! Thanks! I love how you said that it is not a legalistic thing to have these rules to live by in your marriage, even though it may seem that way to some people. We have a lot of similar rules to live by in our marriage and you are right, they really do become second nature.
I also liked your response where you said that the repentance should be as public as the offense. Great point! Thanks!

]]> By: Brandi H. http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34407 Brandi H. Mon, 28 Jan 2008 18:35:21 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34407 Our first year of marriage we followed an extra set of rules. We based this on Old Testament laws with certain protections and provisions for that first year, giving a firm foundation, lots of time together, and plenty of opportunity for baby-making. We had at least one meal together everyday, and never spent more than one night apart in a row. That's harder than it sounds, because I was often working 30 hour shifts. That meant we had to have breakfast together before I left, and my husband would usually come have dinner with me at the hospital. He accepted no business trips that required more than one night away. Many of our friends have not spent a single night apart the first year. These established good habits for us. They're relaxed now, but it's still rare for us to miss dinner together, and we're both sad when we do. He is very selective in his travel. I also endorse the rule for public apology. My poor husband recently had to send an email out to most of our congregation after a poorly worded anecdote in his sermon unintentionally cast me in a negative light. What a comfort that was to me! We have occasionally gone to bed angry as well. It feels like a bad idea at the time, if I'm furious, and it takes me awhile to get to sleep. But the conflict is usually resolved in about 2 minutes the next day, when the emotions are smoother. Thanks again for the wisdom, Nancy. Our first year of marriage we followed an extra set of rules. We based this on Old Testament laws with certain protections and provisions for that first year, giving a firm foundation, lots of time together, and plenty of opportunity for baby-making. We had at least one meal together everyday, and never spent more than one night apart in a row. That’s harder than it sounds, because I was often working 30 hour shifts. That meant we had to have breakfast together before I left, and my husband would usually come have dinner with me at the hospital. He accepted no business trips that required more than one night away. Many of our friends have not spent a single night apart the first year.

These established good habits for us. They’re relaxed now, but it’s still rare for us to miss dinner together, and we’re both sad when we do. He is very selective in his travel.

I also endorse the rule for public apology. My poor husband recently had to send an email out to most of our congregation after a poorly worded anecdote in his sermon unintentionally cast me in a negative light. What a comfort that was to me!

We have occasionally gone to bed angry as well. It feels like a bad idea at the time, if I’m furious, and it takes me awhile to get to sleep. But the conflict is usually resolved in about 2 minutes the next day, when the emotions are smoother.

Thanks again for the wisdom, Nancy.

]]> By: Nancy Ann http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34316 Nancy Ann Sat, 26 Jan 2008 06:12:27 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34316 Well, I was hoping you would ask. Believe it or not, we worked out a private hand signal that said, "I blew it. So sorry!" and another one that said, "You're forgiven." We suggest something discreet, not something the catcher would be doing as he signals the pitcher.....and I'm afraid I can't tell you what our hand signal is, because you never know, we may need to use it at your house some day! But our policy has always been that the repentance should be as public as the sin. So, if everyone in the room saw you sneer at your husband, then you should apologize publicly. But if it was something only your husband caught on to, then your apology can just be to him alone. Well, I was hoping you would ask. Believe it or not, we worked out a private hand signal that said, “I blew it. So sorry!” and another one that said, “You’re forgiven.” We suggest something discreet, not something the catcher would be doing as he signals the pitcher…..and I’m afraid I can’t tell you what our hand signal is, because you never know, we may need to use it at your house some day! But our policy has always been that the repentance should be as public as the sin. So, if everyone in the room saw you sneer at your husband, then you should apologize publicly. But if it was something only your husband caught on to, then your apology can just be to him alone.

]]> By: Adena http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34299 Adena Sat, 26 Jan 2008 04:04:55 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34299 Wonderful rules to live by. For the most part, I'd say we follow them as well, but I am curious: what does it look like to fix a bump AT a party? Wonderful rules to live by. For the most part, I’d say we follow them as well, but I am curious: what does it look like to fix a bump AT a party?

]]> By: abra http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34259 abra Fri, 25 Jan 2008 15:04:31 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34259 I remember you sharing these rules with me before I got married. They are wonderful in practice. Thank you for the reminder! I remember you sharing these rules with me before I got married. They are wonderful in practice. Thank you for the reminder!

]]> By: SingleGirl http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34168 SingleGirl Thu, 24 Jan 2008 23:10:02 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34168 Nancy this was an awesome blog. Valerie I know just what you mean. I'm glad to have found this site and read Nancy's wisdom. If I had my way, I would implement all those rule in EVERY RELATIONSHIP. I understand about those bumps :( Nancy this was an awesome blog. Valerie I know just what you mean. I’m glad to have found this site and read Nancy’s wisdom. If I had my way, I would implement all those rule in EVERY RELATIONSHIP. I understand about those bumps :(

]]> By: Valerie (Kyriosity) http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34112 Valerie (Kyriosity) Thu, 24 Jan 2008 14:14:18 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-34112 Extrapolating this to a non-marriage relationship, what should one do if a bump wasn't dealt with at the time? It's one of those things I've tried to cover with love, and keep thinking I've been successful until the next time I trip over the lump under the carpet and I feel the hurt all over again and have to beat down the bitterness all over again. I'm obviously missing something here...just can't figure out what. Extrapolating this to a non-marriage relationship, what should one do if a bump wasn’t dealt with at the time? It’s one of those things I’ve tried to cover with love, and keep thinking I’ve been successful until the next time I trip over the lump under the carpet and I feel the hurt all over again and have to beat down the bitterness all over again. I’m obviously missing something here…just can’t figure out what.

]]> By: Billie http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-33909 Billie Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:40:34 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-33909 We've listened to or read most of what your family has published on marriage, and agreed to adopt these rules, too. When you get used to living this way and then meet up with another couple who doesn't live this way, it gets pretty uncomfortable! We have some friends and it seems that whenever we get together with them, all seems hunky dory and then somewhere during the evening, we discover that they've been fighting all day and have been just putting on a happy show for us! I really don't know how to handle those situations! We’ve listened to or read most of what your family has published on marriage, and agreed to adopt these rules, too. When you get used to living this way and then meet up with another couple who doesn’t live this way, it gets pretty uncomfortable! We have some friends and it seems that whenever we get together with them, all seems hunky dory and then somewhere during the evening, we discover that they’ve been fighting all day and have been just putting on a happy show for us! I really don’t know how to handle those situations!

]]> By: Amanda http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-33884 Amanda Tue, 22 Jan 2008 17:44:56 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-33884 I read these rules in something your husband wrote and my husband and I have been applying them for the last three years. I can vouch for their effectiveness. The only one we don't observe is the eleven o' clock rule. This has led to some late nights but we haven't gone to sleep with anything unresolved. I've wondered if that is best but I'm usually too sad to sleep if we are not resolved. Anyway thank you for sharing these and for setting such an example. I read these rules in something your husband wrote and my husband and I have been applying them for the last three years. I can vouch for their effectiveness. The only one we don’t observe is the eleven o’ clock rule. This has led to some late nights but we haven’t gone to sleep with anything unresolved. I’ve wondered if that is best but I’m usually too sad to sleep if we are not resolved. Anyway thank you for sharing these and for setting such an example.

]]> By: ladyrita http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-33882 ladyrita Tue, 22 Jan 2008 17:01:02 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/01/22/stay-in-fellowship/#comment-33882 Approaching our third anniversary, we never placed any exact rules, but this is about how things have been done. It's so nice to keep resentment clutter swept away, all clean, all the time. Approaching our third anniversary, we never placed any exact rules, but this is about how things have been done. It’s so nice to keep resentment clutter swept away, all clean, all the time.

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