Comments on: Mother Hunger http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/ Fri, 30 Jul 2010 17:27:05 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Allie http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-307028 Allie Sat, 22 Aug 2009 13:28:46 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-307028 Motherless daughters may be informative and helpful. I don't recall the author. Motherless daughters may be informative and helpful. I don’t recall the author.

]]> By: liz http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-153821 liz Mon, 05 Jan 2009 08:01:54 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-153821 hello! i've been looking for a book on mother hunger, because i have the book called father hunger, but i have yet to find a book about mother hunger. do you know any by a christian author? thanx! God Bless! hello! i’ve been looking for a book on mother hunger, because i have the book called father hunger, but i have yet to find a book about mother hunger. do you know any by a christian author? thanx! God Bless!

]]> By: sbg http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-46661 sbg Wed, 09 Apr 2008 20:01:34 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-46661 Valerie, Thanks so much for the encouragement. ~Susan Valerie,
Thanks so much for the encouragement.

~Susan

]]> By: Megan Lindsay http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-46417 Megan Lindsay Wed, 09 Apr 2008 03:47:29 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-46417 I am extremely ashamed to say that although my unbelieving mother taught me many of the things I needed to mature as a woman and run a household with grace, I simply chose to disdain it all as much as I could. I was such a grief to her, and I am so thankful that since becoming a Christian I have had many opportunities to ask her forgiveness and praise her for how much she ended up teaching me, despite my rebellion. And to echo a previous post, I am also delighted to see how much love my mom is pouring into my daughters as she teaches them sewing, art, and a whole host of things I never invested in. I am grieved by my mother's unbelief, but am determined to teach my daughters to love and appreciate her in ways I never did. And I find it helps me to love her more as well. I am extremely ashamed to say that although my unbelieving mother taught me many of the things I needed to mature as a woman and run a household with grace, I simply chose to disdain it all as much as I could. I was such a grief to her, and I am so thankful that since becoming a Christian I have had many opportunities to ask her forgiveness and praise her for how much she ended up teaching me, despite my rebellion.

And to echo a previous post, I am also delighted to see how much love my mom is pouring into my daughters as she teaches them sewing, art, and a whole host of things I never invested in. I am grieved by my mother’s unbelief, but am determined to teach my daughters to love and appreciate her in ways I never did. And I find it helps me to love her more as well.

]]> By: Valerie (Kyriosity) http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-46326 Valerie (Kyriosity) Tue, 08 Apr 2008 22:32:14 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-46326 Susan, it sounds to me like you did a fantastic job! I don't think a mother is a failure if she doesn't address every possible feminine grace in her daughter's upbringing. My mom was a de facto single mom even before court orders and divine intervention got my father out of our house, so I know what you mean by "survival mode." I think that's the only mode I ever saw my mom in. And though she probably didn't accomplish even as much as you did, I think she, too, did an amazing job under very difficult circumstances. So your daughter might feel, as I've felt, some lack, but from the summary you've written here, it sounds as if she has ample reason to rise up and call you blessed! Susan, it sounds to me like you did a fantastic job! I don’t think a mother is a failure if she doesn’t address every possible feminine grace in her daughter’s upbringing. My mom was a de facto single mom even before court orders and divine intervention got my father out of our house, so I know what you mean by “survival mode.” I think that’s the only mode I ever saw my mom in. And though she probably didn’t accomplish even as much as you did, I think she, too, did an amazing job under very difficult circumstances. So your daughter might feel, as I’ve felt, some lack, but from the summary you’ve written here, it sounds as if she has ample reason to rise up and call you blessed!

]]> By: sbg http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-46258 sbg Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:37:54 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-46258 I read this post with mixed feelings. I grew up in a home where most of the traditional "mom" things listed in the third paragraph weren't overtly passed on to me. Not that I didn't have to do chores or cook or bake, etc. Those things simply weren't transmitted in some sort of cozy, engaging way: they were just tasks to be done (perhaps this derived from my mom’s depression-era upbringing). I feel no worse for the lack of domestic training. It just meant that when I got married at 23, I had to learn a lot on my own. Right now, I am the mother of a 20-year-old who probably feels a degree of "mother hunger." From the time her dad died when she was 4 until I remarried last June, I was a single parent for 15 years. By God’s grace we were able to homeschool for 11 years (during which I was also able to complete an M.A., work part-time, etc.), and I tried hard to give her as normal a childhood as I could. But the reality is I'm not good at "girly" things: I don't wear makeup, I stink at doing hair, etc. Furthermore, I did just about zero entertaining during those years (although I did teach her how to set a table!). I was in survival mode for a many years. Also, it was often simpler to do daily tasks myself rather than invite my daughter to join in. What I did do was try to give her opportunities to learn, and to discover and appreciate the world around her (through books, classes, trips to museums and concerts, travel, etc.), to develop creative abilities (through dance and music lessons), to develop enriching friendships, to grow in Christ, and, perhaps most importantly, to have a heart for the downtrodden (through serving at a rescue mission from the time she was a toddler). I can only trust that God will enable her to overcome any deficiencies I brought to both child-rearing and home keeping. There is no such thing as a mother (or father) who has it all together. A child (even one who is now an adult) needs to realize that her mom or dad isn’t the fourth member of the Trinity and that there will always be some sort of failure, but it is the Lord alone who will perfectly love His children. ~Susan I read this post with mixed feelings. I grew up in a home where most of the traditional “mom” things listed in the third paragraph weren’t overtly passed on to me. Not that I didn’t have to do chores or cook or bake, etc. Those things simply weren’t transmitted in some sort of cozy, engaging way: they were just tasks to be done (perhaps this derived from my mom’s depression-era upbringing). I feel no worse for the lack of domestic training. It just meant that when I got married at 23, I had to learn a lot on my own. Right now, I am the mother of a 20-year-old who probably feels a degree of “mother hunger.” From the time her dad died when she was 4 until I remarried last June, I was a single parent for 15 years. By God’s grace we were able to homeschool for 11 years (during which I was also able to complete an M.A., work part-time, etc.), and I tried hard to give her as normal a childhood as I could. But the reality is I’m not good at “girly” things: I don’t wear makeup, I stink at doing hair, etc. Furthermore, I did just about zero entertaining during those years (although I did teach her how to set a table!). I was in survival mode for a many years. Also, it was often simpler to do daily tasks myself rather than invite my daughter to join in. What I did do was try to give her opportunities to learn, and to discover and appreciate the world around her (through books, classes, trips to museums and concerts, travel, etc.), to develop creative abilities (through dance and music lessons), to develop enriching friendships, to grow in Christ, and, perhaps most importantly, to have a heart for the downtrodden (through serving at a rescue mission from the time she was a toddler). I can only trust that God will enable her to overcome any deficiencies I brought to both child-rearing and home keeping. There is no such thing as a mother (or father) who has it all together. A child (even one who is now an adult) needs to realize that her mom or dad isn’t the fourth member of the Trinity and that there will always be some sort of failure, but it is the Lord alone who will perfectly love His children.

~Susan

]]> By: Sandra Boswell http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-45819 Sandra Boswell Mon, 07 Apr 2008 20:28:45 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-45819 Dear Femina Ladies: So glad I discovered your blog! Your words provide encouragement to walk huge in the wonderful realm of Christian womanhood. Thank you! And, Nancy, thank you --You’re right on target with a call to older women to instruct the younger ones. I am grateful to the eighty year old lady who gathered me and other hungry young women under her wing when we were first saved. She held regular Bible studies in her home for us. We new, younger Christians had not a clue about Godly womanhood or what it should look and act like. She took loving care of us. Her teaching, example, and nurturing friendship directed us on right paths. Spared us all from many pitfalls. I’m glad you talked about the need for senior Christians to step forth in service to God’s children (of all ages and especially those from non-Christian backgrounds) so our younger believers may grow in grace and knowledge about living rightly. I'm glad to share a couple thoughts along this line. Today, more than ever before, increasing numbers find themselves ill prepared for responsibilities in marriage and successful homemaking. They long to manage their duties well as part of their service to God. Such yearning is good —leading us to learn and “be filled”. If this hunger isn't filled, it leads to frustration. That's why I, too, think the need for Biblical “motherly and fatherly” guidance is great. To this end, our church’s women’s group recently involved some of our senior ladies who, using the “nest” as a theme and organized various categories accordingly. It’s a sweet theme, especially as springtime arrives. If you like, please feel welcome to share our topics, which are by no means exhaustive--or perfectly developed. Perhaps the ideas will provide an inspirational springboard for action by other older women reading this—God has placed wise and faithful senior ladies in all of our congregations. These are women, who by experience, faithfulness, prayers, and the leading of the Holy Spirit, are most capable of taking others under their wing and sharing their wisdom in an edifying manner. Here are some of the areas we cover: Feathering Your Nest: Aspects on Biblical Womanhood and the Home Building Your Nest—balance, peace, and beauty in the home. The purpose of the nest; creating a good atmosphere Organizing the Nest: the business of running a smooth household--how tos The Pecking Order-roles and interaction, major stages in childhood, needs Caring for Your Fledglings in the fear and admonition of the Lord: Duties of parents and children— Four and Twenty Blackbirds baked into a Pie- The importance of mealtime. How mealtime nurtures both body and soul— Menu ideas (recipe exchange) The Love Birds: Husband and Wife relationships, attitudes towards billing and cooing Flocking Together -when others visit your nest: Hospitality Dealing with Ruffled Feathers and Quieting Needless Squawks Flying the Coup vs. Resting in the Nest: Thoughts on Marriage and How to avoid Divorce When Fledglings take Wing-transition time as young people leave home The Single Nest - Why it’s important, what it needs, and what it offers. Single parents, unmarried saints, and widowed adults. The Empty Nest: After the fledglings depart Caring for those with Wounded Wings Caring for those with Aging Wings Song Birds—the importance of (good) music, its role in home, faith, and hearts of a family. In the Shadow of His Wing--when storms occur Soaring with the Eagles: Devotion and Prayer times Our gatherings provide a time of encouragement, sharing and good teaching. There’s also ample time for fellowship where deeper relationships can develop. Women of all ages- from college to senior singles and those in between enjoy getting together. We never outgrow the need to encourage one another or to grow in grace and knowledge. Thank you for your blog, which is doing these very things. Dear Femina Ladies: So glad I discovered your blog! Your words provide encouragement to walk huge in the wonderful realm of Christian womanhood. Thank you!

And, Nancy, thank you –You’re right on target with a call to older women to instruct the younger ones. I am grateful to the eighty year old lady who gathered me and other hungry young women under her wing when we were first saved. She held regular Bible studies in her home for us. We new, younger Christians had not a clue about Godly womanhood or what it should look and act like. She took loving care of us. Her teaching, example, and nurturing friendship directed us on right paths. Spared us all from many pitfalls.

I’m glad you talked about the need for senior Christians to step forth in service to God’s children (of all ages and especially those from non-Christian backgrounds) so our younger believers may grow in grace and knowledge about living rightly.

I’m glad to share a couple thoughts along this line. Today, more than ever before, increasing numbers find themselves ill prepared for responsibilities in marriage and successful homemaking. They long to manage their duties well as part of their service to God. Such yearning is good —leading us to learn and “be filled”. If this hunger isn’t filled, it leads to frustration. That’s why I, too, think the need for Biblical “motherly and fatherly” guidance is great. To this end, our church’s women’s group recently involved some of our senior ladies who, using the “nest” as a theme and organized various categories accordingly.

It’s a sweet theme, especially as springtime arrives. If you like, please feel welcome to share our topics, which are by no means exhaustive–or perfectly developed. Perhaps the ideas will provide an inspirational springboard for action by other older women reading this—God has placed wise and faithful senior ladies in all of our congregations. These are women, who by experience, faithfulness, prayers, and the leading of the Holy Spirit, are most capable of taking others under their wing and sharing their wisdom in an edifying manner. Here are some of the areas we cover:

Feathering Your Nest: Aspects on Biblical Womanhood and the Home

Building Your Nest—balance, peace, and beauty in the home. The purpose of the nest; creating a good atmosphere

Organizing the Nest: the business of running a smooth household–how tos

The Pecking Order-roles and interaction, major stages in childhood, needs

Caring for Your Fledglings in the fear and admonition of the Lord: Duties of parents and children—

Four and Twenty Blackbirds baked into a Pie- The importance of mealtime. How mealtime nurtures both body and soul— Menu ideas (recipe exchange)

The Love Birds: Husband and Wife relationships, attitudes towards billing and cooing

Flocking Together -when others visit your nest: Hospitality

Dealing with Ruffled Feathers and Quieting Needless Squawks

Flying the Coup vs. Resting in the Nest: Thoughts on Marriage and How to avoid Divorce

When Fledglings take Wing-transition time as young people leave home

The Single Nest – Why it’s important, what it needs, and what it offers. Single parents, unmarried saints, and widowed adults.

The Empty Nest: After the fledglings depart

Caring for those with Wounded Wings

Caring for those with Aging Wings

Song Birds—the importance of (good) music, its role in home, faith, and hearts of a family.

In the Shadow of His Wing–when storms occur

Soaring with the Eagles: Devotion and Prayer times

Our gatherings provide a time of encouragement, sharing and good teaching. There’s also ample time for fellowship where deeper relationships can develop. Women of all ages- from college to senior singles and those in between enjoy getting together.

We never outgrow the need to encourage one another or to grow in grace and knowledge. Thank you for your blog, which is doing these very things.

]]> By: diane l. vaughan http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-45816 diane l. vaughan Mon, 07 Apr 2008 20:19:40 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-45816 Recently, I have been involved in the life of two teen girls who do not have a mother and are living with a absent/distant father. The teen girls have recently come to Christ. It has presented a lot of dialogue with my own two teen daughters who are trying to reach out to these teen girls. This weekend was very rough for these girls and my daughters asked me, "Mom, how in the world are these girls going to make it?" And I said, "Just like I made it - because with God all things are possible." I reminded my daughters about my motherless past and my "distant" father. I said, "By the grace of God, I believe that someday, these two girls can become godly wives and mothers! And I can say that because I am one of God's miracles and that is what He does! He is the faithful God who works miracles!" I am being so reminded of this! How easy to forget that we have a miraculous God who can do the impossible! Can He help those who have mother hunger or even father hunger? Yes, and Amen! Hope in the Lord and His Word - "For my father and mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take my up." Psalm 27:10 What a wondrous promise! What a wondrous ministry for His church to walk in! How thankful I am for the Christian women who walked and still walk along side of me! As my family continues to reach out to these two teen girls, we pray that God will soften the pains of hunger they truly feel and that they will understand that He is the One taking care of them. Recently, I have been involved in the life of two teen girls who do not have a mother and are living with a absent/distant father. The teen girls have recently come to Christ. It has presented a lot of dialogue with my own two teen daughters who are trying to reach out to these teen girls. This weekend was very rough for these girls and my daughters asked me, “Mom, how in the world are these girls going to make it?” And I said, “Just like I made it – because with God all things are possible.” I reminded my daughters about my motherless past and my “distant” father. I said, “By the grace of God, I believe that someday, these two girls can become godly wives and mothers! And I can say that because I am one of God’s miracles and that is what He does! He is the faithful God who works miracles!”
I am being so reminded of this! How easy to forget that we have a miraculous God who can do the impossible! Can He help those who have mother hunger or even father hunger? Yes, and Amen! Hope in the Lord and His Word – “For my father and mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take my up.” Psalm 27:10 What a wondrous promise! What a wondrous ministry for His church to walk in! How thankful I am for the Christian women who walked and still walk along side of me! As my family continues to reach out to these two teen girls, we pray that God will soften the pains of hunger they truly feel and that they will understand that He is the One taking care of them.

]]> By: Nancy Ann http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-45442 Nancy Ann Sun, 06 Apr 2008 05:30:02 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-45442 Thank you, Valerie. Thank you, Valerie.

]]> By: Valerie (Kyriosity) http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-45388 Valerie (Kyriosity) Sat, 05 Apr 2008 18:59:09 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/04/02/mother-hunger/#comment-45388 Dear BLA, No doubt Mrs. Wilson will have some stellar thoughts for you (and for me) in her promised post. In the meantime, <a href="http://www.ccmbooks.org/onlineOfferings/freeFromBitterness/bitterness09.php" rel="nofollow">here's a little essay</a> that might help you...or frustrate you...or a bit of both, as I've found. ;) And a few thoughts from me: The fact that you didn't have a loving father really is a legitimate problem -- you are not crazy or wrong to think so! The Bible exhorts believers to care for widows and the fatherless. The problem widows and the fatherless have isn't so much that they lack <i>means</i> as that they lack <i>men</i>. That is, they (we) lack the leadership, protection and provision God designed for women to have. So Scripture confirms that this is a legitimate problem. Happily, we have a God on whom we can cast our legitimate problems, because He cares for us. How He will deal with this problem in your particular case or in my particular case, I can't say, but I know He is not unconcerned with our struggles. First of all, He really is a Father to the fatherless. He really does lead, protect and provide for us. It's hard to see when I want this or that particular sort of guidance or help. It's hard exactly because I can't see...or hear or touch Him. But the more I learn to thank Him for what He has done that I can see clearly -- every meal, every safe trip home, every wise sermon or good book or life lesson learned -- the more I see His care and the more I trust Him for the things I can't yet see. Gratitude is a powerful perspective-changer. Can't say I've really gotten the hang of it yet, but I am learning. I've been thinking a lot lately about the man of whom Jesus said that he was born blind "that the works of God should be revealed in him." It is a very hard lesson, but I am learning to say, "Lord, if You can glorify Your name because of my troubles, that is enough for me. I will thank You for Your design for my life, and I will rejoice in the midst of my suffering." Again, can't say I've really gotten the hang of it yet, but I am learning. Another thought I've found helpful is to compare father-hunger to a disability. it's not something I can change, but if I can accept it, then I can begin to figure out how to live with it. Rather than waiting for it to change, I can proceed with living my life with what I've got -- using what talents I have rather than burying them and bewailing that I didn't get more. Another thing I'm definitely still learning. Here's a ticklish one: Be open to, but don't demand, fatherly care from leaders in your church. I believe, as <a href="http://www.baylyblog.com/2008/03/father-hunger-t.html?cid=106665582" rel="nofollow">this post says</a>, that this is something that God calls shepherds (pastors and elders) to provide to their flocks. But we can't demand that this play out exactly the way we want it. For one thing, I think a vision for this sort of thing is quite rare among churches, so a) it's not fair to expect it to suddenly materialize for our convenience, and b) few, if any, have a good grasp how this sort of thing should play out in the details, and we shouldn't assume that we do. For another thing, relationships between grown men and women are trickier than relationships between daddies and their own little girls...and even trickier for those of us who didn't have daddies that taught us how to relate to men. About 20 years ago, I messed my heart up somethin' fierce by letting my feelings for a spiritual leader get out of whack. Happily, this is something that I have gotten the hang of, though it requires vigilance, and probably always will. The section of the puzzle that we can definitely work on piecing together is this: "Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you" (Hebrews 13:17). We can receive what leadership and shepherding we are given with gratitude that shows itself in obedience -- be there, listen and apply the Word as it's preached to you, seek and follow counsel on difficult issues, serve the body, wash the feet of the saints. I'm sure Mrs. Wilson will have a wiser perspective, but perhaps it will be helpful to have some thoughts from someone who's been through, and is still going through, a situation similar to yours. If not, at least it was helpful for me to organize my thoughts on the topic! ;) Dear BLA,

No doubt Mrs. Wilson will have some stellar thoughts for you (and for me) in her promised post. In the meantime, here’s a little essay that might help you…or frustrate you…or a bit of both, as I’ve found. ;)

And a few thoughts from me: The fact that you didn’t have a loving father really is a legitimate problem — you are not crazy or wrong to think so! The Bible exhorts believers to care for widows and the fatherless. The problem widows and the fatherless have isn’t so much that they lack means as that they lack men. That is, they (we) lack the leadership, protection and provision God designed for women to have. So Scripture confirms that this is a legitimate problem.

Happily, we have a God on whom we can cast our legitimate problems, because He cares for us. How He will deal with this problem in your particular case or in my particular case, I can’t say, but I know He is not unconcerned with our struggles.

First of all, He really is a Father to the fatherless. He really does lead, protect and provide for us. It’s hard to see when I want this or that particular sort of guidance or help. It’s hard exactly because I can’t see…or hear or touch Him. But the more I learn to thank Him for what He has done that I can see clearly — every meal, every safe trip home, every wise sermon or good book or life lesson learned — the more I see His care and the more I trust Him for the things I can’t yet see. Gratitude is a powerful perspective-changer. Can’t say I’ve really gotten the hang of it yet, but I am learning.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the man of whom Jesus said that he was born blind “that the works of God should be revealed in him.” It is a very hard lesson, but I am learning to say, “Lord, if You can glorify Your name because of my troubles, that is enough for me. I will thank You for Your design for my life, and I will rejoice in the midst of my suffering.” Again, can’t say I’ve really gotten the hang of it yet, but I am learning.

Another thought I’ve found helpful is to compare father-hunger to a disability. it’s not something I can change, but if I can accept it, then I can begin to figure out how to live with it. Rather than waiting for it to change, I can proceed with living my life with what I’ve got — using what talents I have rather than burying them and bewailing that I didn’t get more. Another thing I’m definitely still learning.

Here’s a ticklish one: Be open to, but don’t demand, fatherly care from leaders in your church. I believe, as this post says, that this is something that God calls shepherds (pastors and elders) to provide to their flocks. But we can’t demand that this play out exactly the way we want it. For one thing, I think a vision for this sort of thing is quite rare among churches, so a) it’s not fair to expect it to suddenly materialize for our convenience, and b) few, if any, have a good grasp how this sort of thing should play out in the details, and we shouldn’t assume that we do. For another thing, relationships between grown men and women are trickier than relationships between daddies and their own little girls…and even trickier for those of us who didn’t have daddies that taught us how to relate to men. About 20 years ago, I messed my heart up somethin’ fierce by letting my feelings for a spiritual leader get out of whack. Happily, this is something that I have gotten the hang of, though it requires vigilance, and probably always will. The section of the puzzle that we can definitely work on piecing together is this: “Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you” (Hebrews 13:17). We can receive what leadership and shepherding we are given with gratitude that shows itself in obedience — be there, listen and apply the Word as it’s preached to you, seek and follow counsel on difficult issues, serve the body, wash the feet of the saints.

I’m sure Mrs. Wilson will have a wiser perspective, but perhaps it will be helpful to have some thoughts from someone who’s been through, and is still going through, a situation similar to yours. If not, at least it was helpful for me to organize my thoughts on the topic! ;)

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