The children are taught to obey Grandma and Grandpa, too. I try to uphold the parents’ standard if I see behavior that needs to be corrected, so the kids know that it’s not just mom and dad that think that way. And I refer them back to a parent if permission is needed for something like watching a movie or taking a walk. I think this helps the kids realize to whom God has given the final authority in these matters.

I also need to check my heart contantly with my mother and mother-in-law. Both sets of parents (one Christian, the other not) are the gracious, non-meddling sort. But both think we are too hard on our children. So sometimes I find myself feeling very defensive around them when I apply correction, and sometimes I neglect correction in order to avoid their discomfort.

Part of the problem is that nobody wants to talk about it. We all think we should avoid discussion — they don’t want to ask questions about our thinking on certain matters, and we don’t want to have to provide answers. I actually think this situation is more painful than would be the pain of working through it!

And I notice the temptation in myself, not even as a grandparent yet, but as one who is past the toddler stage with my children — I tend to think all the younger parents are being “too strict” with their kids, though God has graciously prevented me from opening my trap about it. There are two things I have to remember. One, I was harder on my first than the others, relaxing a bit and gaining a bit of wisdom as I got older, but the first does not seem any the worse for it. Second, I think most of us tend to view other people’s kids either as darlings or holy terrors — we aren’t as clear-sighted as the people to whom God has actually given the responsibility and grace to raise them. So, it seems “mean” to us to see someone else discipline her “darling” children, whereas if it were us, and our children, we’d probably see it as needful in the same situation.