Comments on: The Quagmire of Indecision http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/ Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:22:04 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Natalie http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-121516 Natalie Mon, 29 Sep 2008 03:13:48 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-121516 Great post. Just this past week my husband pointed out to me that he's put a good deal of effort in the past two years into trying to make me comfortable asking for things, making decisions, and expressing opinions. I'm happy to report that he says I've come a long way. For my part I know that my indecisiveness goes hand in hand with my difficulty in expressing emotions and my obsession with being a "good girl." It all goes back to pride, self-centeredness, and a long history of not feeling protected/fear of being wrong. Being a good girl was safe, but it was also a self-absorbed place of prideful reflection. In some ways I was pushed there. In some ways I took myself. Great post. Just this past week my husband pointed out to me that he’s put a good deal of effort in the past two years into trying to make me comfortable asking for things, making decisions, and expressing opinions. I’m happy to report that he says I’ve come a long way. For my part I know that my indecisiveness goes hand in hand with my difficulty in expressing emotions and my obsession with being a “good girl.” It all goes back to pride, self-centeredness, and a long history of not feeling protected/fear of being wrong. Being a good girl was safe, but it was also a self-absorbed place of prideful reflection. In some ways I was pushed there. In some ways I took myself.

]]> By: Emily http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-121451 Emily Sat, 27 Sep 2008 20:05:32 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-121451 I think that indecision (at least for me) can be a symptom of not having enough to do. Because the mind was created for work, if not given any, it will create something work-like for itself. (And let's face it, indecision is A LOT OF WORK, or at least quite energy-consuming!) I can remember standing in the grocery store, agonizing over which box of crackers to buy--comparing ingredients, price per volume, etc., etc., etc. There is nothing like three little kids in and about the buggy to help speed up that decision! I think that indecision (at least for me) can be a symptom of not having enough to do. Because the mind was created for work, if not given any, it will create something work-like for itself. (And let’s face it, indecision is A LOT OF WORK, or at least quite energy-consuming!) I can remember standing in the grocery store, agonizing over which box of crackers to buy–comparing ingredients, price per volume, etc., etc., etc. There is nothing like three little kids in and about the buggy to help speed up that decision!

]]> By: Bobbi Jo http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-121095 Bobbi Jo Wed, 24 Sep 2008 04:56:40 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-121095 Thank you Mrs. Wilson! I've got a lot to learn and have been trying to be at peace with decisions I make for a while now. It is good to realize that being content with decisions isn't trusting my own judgement but trusting the Lord for what He ultimately planned I would choose at that moment. Thank you Mrs. Wilson! I’ve got a lot to learn and have been trying to be at peace with decisions I make for a while now. It is good to realize that being content with decisions isn’t trusting my own judgement but trusting the Lord for what He ultimately planned I would choose at that moment.

]]> By: Scharlie http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-121092 Scharlie Wed, 24 Sep 2008 03:32:48 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-121092 I was a very insecure teenager and I still struggle with it at times, but I am helped by something I learned during a significant time of growth during my college years. Insecurity is the flip side of pride--a grave sin leading to many others. Thankfully I don't really sweat the really small things anymore. I know it has a lot to do with having recognized God as my shelter and covering and with the fact that He has given me an uncommonly godly husband as a head. I was a very insecure teenager and I still struggle with it at times, but I am helped by something I learned during a significant time of growth during my college years. Insecurity is the flip side of pride–a grave sin leading to many others. Thankfully I don’t really sweat the really small things anymore. I know it has a lot to do with having recognized God as my shelter and covering and with the fact that He has given me an uncommonly godly husband as a head.

]]> By: Emily B http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-121029 Emily B Mon, 22 Sep 2008 19:38:41 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-121029 That was a wonderful Bible study. Thank you, Mrs. Wilson! That was a wonderful Bible study. Thank you, Mrs. Wilson!

]]> By: Rebecca http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-120789 Rebecca Sat, 20 Sep 2008 18:25:08 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-120789 Thank you so much for this post, it has been so encouraging to me. I am very indecisive. I second guess almost every decision I make, whether important or unimportant. I love what you said about after making a prayerful decision, to stop worrying and fretting about it and just trust in the Lord to lead and guide in His will and timing. Again, thank you for the encouragement! Thank you so much for this post, it has been so encouraging to me. I am very indecisive. I second guess almost every decision I make, whether important or unimportant. I love what you said about after making a prayerful decision, to stop worrying and fretting about it and just trust in the Lord to lead and guide in His will and timing. Again, thank you for the encouragement!

]]> By: Valerie (Kyriosity) http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-120677 Valerie (Kyriosity) Sat, 20 Sep 2008 03:38:20 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-120677 Insecurity is just another word for unbelief, isn't it? And unbelief is at the root of every sin. In this case, God won't take care of me, so I have to flail about in perpetual panic because the world is so dangerous and I have no protector. Or I have to protect myself by whatever means, no matter how destructive to myself or others. Or I have to pretend not to need anyone, because ultimately that need can never be met. Or I have to get love at whatever cost, no matter how high the price or how cheap an imitation of love it might purchase. Or I have to dull the pain with substances or shopping or sensation. Or I have to believe in some God-substitute and sacrifice myself on its altar in hopes of gaining its attention and favor. "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love" (1 John 4:18). We fear the punishment of disapproval, of loneliness, of insignificance, of death. "We love because he first loved us" (4:19). His is the perfect love that casts out the fear by coming in and teaching us how to love. As love grows in us, it shoves out the insecurity. It becomes big, beefy bouncer that tosses that sort of riffraff out the door like a 98-pound weakling. At least that's how I think it's supposed to work. The 98-pound weakling ends up mopping the floor with my love and stealing its lunch money pretty regularly. But it's growing. It gets in a few punches now and then. It's not the wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, naked, anorexic, quadriplegic, stillborn thing it used to be. A resurrecting God has quickened it and will keep on growing it until the day of Christ, when He will wipe away every tear, every insecurity, every unbelief, and every sin. Did I mention that this post hit home with me? ;) Insecurity is just another word for unbelief, isn’t it? And unbelief is at the root of every sin. In this case, God won’t take care of me, so I have to flail about in perpetual panic because the world is so dangerous and I have no protector. Or I have to protect myself by whatever means, no matter how destructive to myself or others. Or I have to pretend not to need anyone, because ultimately that need can never be met. Or I have to get love at whatever cost, no matter how high the price or how cheap an imitation of love it might purchase. Or I have to dull the pain with substances or shopping or sensation. Or I have to believe in some God-substitute and sacrifice myself on its altar in hopes of gaining its attention and favor.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love” (1 John 4:18). We fear the punishment of disapproval, of loneliness, of insignificance, of death. “We love because he first loved us” (4:19). His is the perfect love that casts out the fear by coming in and teaching us how to love. As love grows in us, it shoves out the insecurity. It becomes big, beefy bouncer that tosses that sort of riffraff out the door like a 98-pound weakling.

At least that’s how I think it’s supposed to work. The 98-pound weakling ends up mopping the floor with my love and stealing its lunch money pretty regularly. But it’s growing. It gets in a few punches now and then. It’s not the wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, naked, anorexic, quadriplegic, stillborn thing it used to be. A resurrecting God has quickened it and will keep on growing it until the day of Christ, when He will wipe away every tear, every insecurity, every unbelief, and every sin.

Did I mention that this post hit home with me? ;)

]]> By: Cindy http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-120648 Cindy Sat, 20 Sep 2008 02:10:37 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-120648 Praise the Lord that His mercy and grace can overcome anything. His hand is over all things. He knit into me a decisive, strong-willed personality; and He placed me into a family as its youngest. By the time of my arrival my parents had so many worries with my mentally retarded brother, and as the years passed with my indecisive but impulsive sister. So it was easy for them to let me make so many decisions, and my willful heart loved being able to. I sure got myself into a lot of trouble that nobody knew about, except God of course. Adding to Franci's comments about decisiveness hiding insecurities, well, it can also hide great sin. Results of bad decisions are hidden at all cost to preserve 'face', as Asians say. I'm so very grateful my heavenly Father didn't cast me off as a fool. The discipline He dispenses is not pleasant, but He wants me to attain the prize of greater maturity in His Son. Sound doctrine is a very sweet comfort! Praise the Lord that His mercy and grace can overcome anything. His hand is over all things.

He knit into me a decisive, strong-willed personality; and He placed me into a family as its youngest. By the time of my arrival my parents had so many worries with my mentally retarded brother, and as the years passed with my indecisive but impulsive sister. So it was easy for them to let me make so many decisions, and my willful heart loved being able to. I sure got myself into a lot of trouble that nobody knew about, except God of course.

Adding to Franci’s comments about decisiveness hiding insecurities, well, it can also hide great sin. Results of bad decisions are hidden at all cost to preserve ‘face’, as Asians say.

I’m so very grateful my heavenly Father didn’t cast me off as a fool. The discipline He dispenses is not pleasant, but He wants me to attain the prize of greater maturity in His Son. Sound doctrine is a very sweet comfort!

]]> By: garstabugg http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-120512 garstabugg Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:37:06 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-120512 Great post Nancy, as always. Thank You! Great post Nancy, as always. Thank You!

]]> By: Becky http://www.feminagirls.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-120485 Becky Fri, 19 Sep 2008 15:58:50 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/09/18/the-quagmire-of-indecision/#comment-120485 I think that quite a bit of this is inborn. I have two daughters, one naturally indecisive and the other naturally decisive. It's interesting that the indecisive one needed very few spankings and was always compliant, while the decisive one got more spankings than any of my other children. She was very sure she was right in whatever she wanted! We've been through the clothes thing too. I think it's important not to criticize the child's choice once she has finally made it. (Even if you end up with some less-than-perfect outfit combinations on Sunday morning! Like you say, it's not earth shattering.) I think that quite a bit of this is inborn. I have two daughters, one naturally indecisive and the other naturally decisive. It’s interesting that the indecisive one needed very few spankings and was always compliant, while the decisive one got more spankings than any of my other children. She was very sure she was right in whatever she wanted!

We’ve been through the clothes thing too. I think it’s important not to criticize the child’s choice once she has finally made it. (Even if you end up with some less-than-perfect outfit combinations on Sunday morning! Like you say, it’s not earth shattering.)

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