Comments on: Modesty Issues

By: Lisa

Lisa — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 23:10:44 +0000

My husband wasn’t raised even knowing the word “modest”, although he was raised in a northern church. I’m a southern girl, and was raised in a very conservative “dresses only” IFB school. He finds it odd when I try to wear dresses / skirts and says he prefers me in my pants and sloppier wear. He also adores when I wear tanks and shorts (we’re in our mid 20s), although I can’t bring myself to wear them in public. I want to please my husband in the way I dress yet I also am drawn to the beautiful flowing dresses / skirts that I grew up around. It’s an odd sensation trying to find the mid road between, where both of us are happy.

By: Aubree

Aubree — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 22:23:53 +0000

I have taken it upon myself to advise friends in the past about there lack of attire. In almost all of these cases they were married women. After conversing with them I was told that not only did there husbands approve of the attire but they picked it out and purchased it for them to wear. While I do not have a husband who asks me to do this these women are submitting to a husbands authority. Aren’t they? This too is biblical. So I guess in a way I may be adding a 4th category to your reasons for “improper” dress. My husband and I have learned that if even in church someone is scantily clad we just find a new pew or spend much of the service looking at the floor just as has to be done at the supermarket or anywhere else around town. Tis the world we live in!

By: Natalie

Natalie — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 06:45:57 +0000

I suppose this might be a little tangential. When it comes to the question of “older women” I have a friend who’s just old enough to span the difference between me and someone my mother-in-law’s age, and it’s been such a blessing for me to have a younger “older woman” to ask about these things. What I think makes her qualified to instruct and even rebuke is that despite have three kids and various health challenges she’s always willing to make space for people. i’ve seen her change her entire morning’s plans at a moment’s notice to comfort a hurting young lady. She definitely has her own ideas and opinions, but having given them she’s willing (so far as I’ve seen) to step back and let people grow and experience God’s grace on His schedule and not her’s.

Also, on ignorance – I think there is a sort of ignorance that can lead to immodesty. When girls don’t grow up learning how to dress attractively I think there can be some stumbling around in later years as they try to find a balance between dressing attractively and dressing modestly.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 10:16:13 +0000

Thanks, Nancy! It’s really helpful to read your comments (and everyone else’s for that matter!).

By: maddie

maddie — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:21:55 +0000

Re: greensgirl…

I am greensgirl’s sister and would like to say that Nancy’s response to Judy proved so very true in our family’s situation w/ my sister. I was so irritated and frustrated w/ her when she was dressing immodestly and I would confront her, be critical of her, and really, let the fact that she was immodest be the only thing that mattered in our relationship. None of that made one bit of difference in changing how she dressed. (Surprise, surprise!:)

Her kind husband, (who, of course I thought could not be top-notch if he were attracted to my immodest sister!) is who God used to change her thinking and way of dress.

I am so proud of my sister and her family. I am humbled that they do not resent us, and love us so much…My sister is beautiful…so even dressed modestly attracts a lot of attention…she is beautiful inside too and is so approachable and able to minister to and love young gals who are like she once was.

God is good! (and so much wiser than we!) His kindness does lead to repentance.

By: missy

missy — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 21:20:07 +0000

I have to say that your answer to Judy, above, is so perfectly lovely.
I hope that, when my time come, I will be as respectful and gentle to my daughters in law as you must certainly be.

By: Nancy Ann

Nancy Ann — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:18:44 +0000

Greensgirl,

I agree with you that modesty should be beautiful, not dumpy. I think you’ve got it figured out very nicely.

By: Nancy Ann

Nancy Ann — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:16:54 +0000

Judy,
When the woman in question is your future daughter-in-law, then all the more reason for you to wait to be asked for your input. The way you treat her now will have a big impact on future generations! And if your son does not think she has a modesty problem, then it’s too late for you to try to convince him. Bear with her (and him) in love. It may be that you’ll see things improve after they are married.

By: Nancy Ann

Nancy Ann — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:13:22 +0000

Hi Meghan,

That’s a very good question. When we are confronted by anyone about our behavior, I think it is always best (though very hard) to be civil in return. “Thanks for your input. I’ll think about what you said.” Then, you may decide their input was crazy. But you’ve been gracious to them, even if they have been ungracious to you. With the pants question, we had a young man who had a theological view that any man in the church could correct any woman. He had what he thought was a high view of male authority. But my daughter was not under his authority in any way, and my husband wanted to make sure that this guy figured that out. (I’m happy to say that he eventually did.) I’m sure if a woman had approached my daughter and said the same thing, my husband would have asked us to wear pants just the same. And I hope you see that insisting on dresses for church is in a different category than mentioning that your dress is too revealing. Certainly both require wisdom and humility.

By: Judy

Judy — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 09:53:44 +0000

This was an excellent post, but I do have a question for you. How would you handle this situation if the girl in question was your future daughter-in-law?