I am still alive (seemingly).

So you might not get a recipe out of me anytime soon (give me five weeks or so), and you might not hear from me very much (what can I say – the computer is by the kitchen and I can only hold my breath for so long), but I am actually still alive! Thanks for all the well wishes – we got to see “baby pinto” yesterday, waving arm and leg buds at us, and we are, of course, already in love. It is still hard for me to grasp how one (yes, one!) little baby, who is still best measured in millimeters can unsettle a family to this extent, but here we are, completely unsettled! I am redeeming the time by compiling yet more information for my booklet “Practical Puking: The Morning Sick Mother’s Guide” in which I will address many concerns that you do not read about in pregnancy books. I think I will include a whole section on keeping people you love from eating onions, how to ignore reader boards advertising Chicken Fritters, and what to do about the nagging problem of splash-back. Maybe even a section for journaling, with feminine cursive writing at the top “Places I’ve Puked,” and “My Most Embarrassing Puking Story.” I’m sure this thing would sell like crazy – right?!

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45 thoughts on “I am still alive (seemingly).

  1. Goodness, my stomach still lurches when I read about it. Four pregnancies, four very sick 1 1/2 trimesters. I have always believed they should change the name of this blessed period of time from “morning sickness” to “all day sickness.” Having a sense of humor always helps. :-)

  2. You should also include a section on what foods aren’t bad to puke, and what are. So far in the not so bad category I have: sugary cereal (cocoa puffs, honey nut cheerios, etc.), and that’s about it. In the bad to puke category I’ve got: grilled cheese, spaghetti, and hot wings.

    Hope you come out of that nastiness soon!

  3. My 6th pregnancy I finally learned to cut out ALL dairy for the 1st trimester it made a remarkable difference with the puking factor. No milk or cheese or yogurt. Nothin’! There are other ways to get calcium. Give it a try it might help you too!
    p.S. Of course then your book would be far less exciting.=}

  4. That book would be awesome! I would like to be a contributor, if at all possible.

    Ashley is on to something. The people who recommend saltines have obviously never thrown up recently consumed saltines. Rice-a-roni is perfect.

    Did you know that grape skins stay in your stomach for an astonishingly long time?

    I’d also include a chapter on how (not) to dangerously ride the fence between acceptably-dehydrated-for-weeks-on-end and a-little-too-dehydrated-for-weeks-on-end…the chapter ends in a kidney infection, complete with hospital stay.

    I could also put a tutorial in to teach the more advanced readers how to puke into a sandwich sized baggie while driving a minivan.

    Oh, and I’d like to institute a world-wide nausea scale to quickly communicate how you are feeling – kind of like that pain scale with the happy and sad faces on it in the hospital.

    I’m so looking forward to adoption from here on out. :)

  5. My heart is with you! Whoever thought of the term “morning sickness” had no clue about the scope of this experience! I gave up on trying to figure out foods to eat when I couldn’t even keep water down. The blessing at the end, though – healthy, vibrant children – made me able to be delighted when the next pregnancy rolled around.

  6. Well, if we didn’t have morning sickness at the beginning of this post, we all do now! I am so reliving my experiences after reading about everyone elses! And laughing so hard. What comraderie we all have, huh?

    I’m thinking of the time when I was 4 months pregnant with my third and babysat two toddlers for a friend who was delivering her third…one toddler threw up all over my kitchen, another had a dirty diaper and a third toddler had a big accident on the potty and got the potty seat stuck on his head, and I dropped a glass onto my slate floor and smashed it–SIMULTANEOUSLY. Didn’t think I was going to make it through that one…I threw-up my way around the house, securing children in boosters and carseats and cleaning up mess by mess. :0)

    I’m with Linda, though…thank goodness we get little bundles of preciousness out of it all. God is faithful.

  7. I’ve been hard-pressed to find pregnant women among my acquaintance who understand that kitchens make me want to puke. Makes me feel like a horrible wife and mother, since most of my job involves being in the kitchen. Ah me.

  8. Here’s a dumb question (dumb because I am ignorant of the topic, not because it’s dumb to ask): Do those of you who have suffered lots with morning sickness generally have pretty strong stomachs when you’re not pregnant? Or are you generally pretty sensitive to icky stuff and it just gets magnified when you’re expecting?

  9. Valerie – I usually have a stomach of steel when not prego – heat (habeneros are nothing!), texture, protein content, everything is great. I’m in week 36 and still get the queezies. There can be no food actually, visually, or nasally present for my run to the kitchen sink to occur.
    Lizzie – thank you yet again for sharing your fantastic ability to make us all smile!

  10. You all make me laugh! This thread is definitely not for sensitive readers!
    Ashley – I think it was my mental list of things not to throw up that made me first start joking about this booklet. I would have to add salad, salsa, and popcorn to the list of all time worsts.
    Bean – I like the tips for advanced users! I have to say the sandwich bag story proves how warped you get – i read that and thought “nice!”
    Katie – look no further for someone who does not participate in the kitchen during morning sickness! I just stay out as long as I can – no one really wants what I have to offer in there anyways!

  11. Congratulations!
    In just a few short months, maybe you can start on “What the lactation consultants don’t tell you about breastfeeding.” Because what nursing looks like in books and on videos is completely not at all what it is really like.
    Nursing mothers the world over would rejoice to get the real scoop!

  12. “I’d also include a chapter on how (not) to dangerously ride the fence between acceptably-dehydrated-for-weeks-on-end and a-little-too-dehydrated-for-weeks-on-end…the chapter ends in a kidney infection, complete with hospital stay.”

    For some of us, the only “how to” that would work in that scenario involves the Acme Home IV kit.

    “Do those of you who have suffered lots with morning sickness generally have pretty strong stomachs when you’re not pregnant? Or are you generally pretty sensitive to icky stuff and it just gets magnified when you’re expecting?”

    At the risk of splitting hairs, I have a strong STOMACH most of the time. But my nausea reflex is a different story entirely. I can eat hot stuff, greasy stuff (well, not so much since turning 40) you name it, but if the cat barfs on the wrong day of the month and there’s nobody else around to clean it up, it can be very bad news.

    I suspect the overly strong nausea reflex might in part have been created by twenty months of morning sickness (to use Luma’s math) but I’m not sure.

  13. Lizzie, well, let me know when the book is happening, lol. Thanks for the example of joy, kind of retroactively convicting to me.

    Valerie, I had only even been motion sick once before, after being below deck on a boat for an hour on choppy water. Iron stomach for sure. Supposedly having a weak stomach does set you up for bad morning sickness, but not always. My first pregnancy was fantastic, not sick for a second. My next two I was violently ill for 27 and 35 1/2 weeks, respectively, and somewhat queasy until the end. I joke that the younger two are made mostly of anti-nausea drugs. My youngest is about to be a year, and it was just this month that I was able to keep plain water down. I had mild hyperemesis gravidarum, and let me just say that “mild” is a hilarious term to me. Or a horribly frightening one for the women with severe HG.

    All that TMI to say, God sends nausea and vomit where He wills, even when it doesn’t seem to add up. :)

  14. My husband still talks about having to wake up every morning to the sound of my unceasing dry-heaves, but my favorite puking story from my first pregnancy is the time he drove me to class. I was in my senior year at Ole Miss, famed party school of the South, and was finishing out my degree with a “baby pinto” in tow. We just pulled up right outside the building where I had Latin class, when I threw open the passenger door and vomited all over the parking lot. SO many fellow students were there to witness this event, and I knew exactly what they were all thinking: “That girl had WAY too many beers last night!!!” :)

    But seriously, there is nothing that can get you down like having to kneel down in the bathroom to embrace the last object in the world you would ever want to throw your arms around. Then there are the little ones that crowd in behind mommy wondering what all the commotion is about…not super fun times.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts during a crazy, trying time! Maybe you’ll be feeling better soon! God bless!

  15. I would totally buy the book. Even if you didn’t puke much, it would definitely prepare you for diaper changing and spitting-up time once the baby came!

    Congratulations on #5!

  16. Oy vey. What some of you ladies have gone through sounds truly horrid. Nothin’ like experienced moms and junior high boys to really get going on this appetizing topic. But at least vomit for a good cause is less repellent, and I much prefer this conversation to the ones that get moms outdoing one another with labor and delivery horror stories in front of the already nervous first-time pregnant ladies. (PLEASE, women, when you’re in the company of a poor girl about to give birth to her first child, do not share all the gory details of your botched C-section!)

    Rachel, that book would definitely sell. Not coffee table material, perhaps, but it would draw plenty of knowing laughs as it makes the rounds at showers!

    And may I suggest that we really do need a section with recipes—for sick pregnant ladies to hand out to friends and family: Less-Revolting Meals to Make for the Family of the Woman Lying on the Couch Clutching a Stainless Steel Bowl. Somebody’s gotta cook for your family, right? And I’m sure those who try to help with meals would like to know that they’re not doing you more harm than good when they show up with that steaming casserole dish.

    Glad you’re you’re still alive, by the way!

  17. I’ll never forget the first time I puked with my first baby.
    I had to jump out of the car while my Hubby was at the bank to get air so I wouldn’t puke in the car. I walk down the lane taking really deep breaths “holding” it in and then before I knew it I was vomiting in some poor persons lilac bushes. I then walked back to the car in the most stately manner I could manage, hoping with all my heart I just looked like I had been smelling the flowers!
    After that is was a breeze, I felt sick all day but, I only puked at exactly 9:30 EVERY morning for 5 months and that was that!

    Rachel, do write that book! It sounds so much better than
    “Belly Laughs” (yes, I read it while sick in bed with my next baby), it would be nice to read a pregnancy book that makes you laugh out loud and doesn’t have a rather crude take on things and the f word scattered through out!

  18. I can so relate with “mild” HG and anti nausea meds through my entire pregnancies (4). My first pregnancy heave occured while my husband and I were at Mt. St. Helens on our first vacation alone. I thought food (and 2 glasses of milk) would make me feel better so we ate at the only restaurant for miles (expensive) and I threw up the entire thing right on the way out, much to the disgust of the people coming in. To which my husband just nodded and said, “The fish was fantastic”. We now refer to that place as “Mt. St. Heather”.

    Unfortunately, the sound of my husband’s voice first thing in the morning brought on my sickness as well so we worked out a little sign, me with my hand over my mouth pointing his direction and he knew to stop talking and not be offended. What a trooper he was. I think I’ll go thank him right now!

  19. Hi, Rachel!

    As for “Places I’ve Puked,” the Moscow Post Office floor came to mind (I assured everyone around me it wasn’t the flue to put them at ease, and then avoided that place for a long time!). Also, the Canon Press parking lot was a special spot, greeted by Doug Jones and Matt Grey when I finally came up for air- puffy eyes, broken blood vessels in my face and all.

    In its own way, your post was quite encouraging! Maybe it’s the “I’m not alone” in all this, kind of encouragement, especially since we are expecting again, too!

    Blessings to your family,
    Chrissy

  20. I feel like one of the few who has never actually thrown up during pregnancy (2 so far), but I did experience 8 1/2 month nausea with my first, along complete meat aversion. I think I cooked twice the entire pregnancy. I hate to think about all the money we spent just on eating out, which was the only way I could eat.

    Congrats Rachel!!! Praying for you :) And yes, I think this book should be written :)

  21. Oh. My. Gracious. I’ve nothing to share like any of these stories; but I do still remember a strong sense of irony when I selectively threw up the most expensive meal I’d ever eaten with my new husband. Why that one, in particular?!

    You guys are all just great. (Congratulations to the Evans family, Chrissy!)

  22. Oh my goodness, I could use some of those! The time of pregnancy seems to be past, but I still get migraines with nausea every couple of months and I just used a grocery bag in the car this week!

    It’s a great idea, but I wonder if enough ladies will actually be able to bring themselves to buy such a thing to make it work.

  23. Ok that is hysterical!!
    I just looked at the link Franci posted and that is defiantly a laugh out loud, so funny you gotta see it, kind of thing. It had to happen eventually right! I mean if you’re going to be forced to do it, it might as well look more appealing to those who have to witness it. :)

  24. We all do love to tell our prego stories…but I might be able to top the charts here or at least be a contributing editor to the book! LOL
    Both of our darling boys kept me infront of the toilet and sticking my head out of moving cars for the entire nine months!!! Thant’s right, I threw up so much that my sweet, and very sensitive dh asked if I could try to do it more quietly…to which I graciously responded with the look, you know, the one that says “it’s a good thing I am too weak to take a step in your direction or you would be covered in vomitt!” You all know that look and if you haven’t given it to your husband I am sure an innocent passer byer got it at least once!
    I was so sick that I too ended up in the hospital multiple times with each pregnancy and delivered early with both. I gained 7 lbs total with each and gave birth to two 6lb babies.
    While prego w/ #1 I worked for a very gracious old Dr. who forgave my running down the hall to vomitt 10x a day until…a greasey car machanic came in for an appointment. The smell of the car oils and engine grease just killed me, I tried to hold it down and tried to be civil, but it just woudn’t do and I had to make another run. This time I vomitted so terribly that the entire office heard and I had to call my husband to bring me some dry pants…terrible!
    This was 9 years ago and we took to adopting girls after boy #2 baked in the same manner…although I am almost brave enough to try it again!
    also, has enyone else been accussed of purging by a dentist? I went for check -up several years back and he insisted that I stop doing this to myself and that throwing up isn’t the way to go! Apparently vomitt eats all of the enamel off of your teeth and I had lost all of mine!
    I tired to explain myelf, but he didn’t seem to buy it. Looking back, I should have flashed my stretch marks as proof! LOL

  25. Katie- your right about milkshakes…they come up much easier, especially Steak and Shake chocolate ones. Although my first vomitt with #2 was over a chocolate Hardees shake…not so nice, not recommended!

  26. Reading all this definitely brings a smile! Comedy is just tragedy in perspective right?! I still remembering standing in my tiny apt at the very beginning of my first pregnancy and getting sick and then thinking, “This means I’m pregnant!!!”
    FYI: Sprite is no problem to throw up; but stay away from Chinese!

    Congratulations!

  27. Spaghetti with meat sauce is right up there on the horrible scale, too. My very first morning sickness episode (I can’t believe I remember this after 19 years) was undigested Corn Chex. Ugly, but not too painful.

  28. Franci-
    That is too funny! I find it quite a bit more disturbing to look like you intended to be puking and you thought ahead and coordinated a bag than just to straight up lose it in the bushes!
    Of course since I posted this I have been doing pretty well – staying hydrated and keeping down snacklet sized meals. I am so proud.
    Anyways, thanks to all for your lively senses of humor, and horrible, horrible stories! And Chrissy – congrats!

  29. Coming from a girl who’s never been pregnant, let alone married, this is hysterical! I’d read your book now, and honestly, I almost feel like I’m missing out on something. Quite amusing, ladies!

  30. This is the first time I’ve read this blog, but boy am I hooked now! The ladies from my church kept telling me how great this blog is, but I’ve been “forgetting” to check it for about six months! After the puking subject came up and they told me about this post, I could no longer resist. This is encouragement that I’ve desperately needed for my last 5 pregnancies! I could have cried when I read the term “backsplash” because that is an experience that I thought the rest of the world knew nothing of (I guess I never hung around with enough wild people in college). My husband and I have lived in 8 different houses in 8 years of marriage (6 of those moves in the Navy), and I have the name of each toilet seared on my memory: in San Diego is was “Universal Rundle”, in Guam is was “American Standard” (In fact, it’s hard for me to consider reading a New American Standard Version of the Bible for that reason!) …. you catch my drift.
    I would also love to be a contributor. I have some GREAT stories and even tips for quickest cleanup, PLUS what to do when you rupture your esophagus on a fresh apple. And most importantly of all (at least for me) how to plan your pregnancies so that the first trimester lands squarely in watermelon season.
    My question for all of you that find it revolting to cook: how in the world can I save money when eating out is the only thing that sounds …. well, less than revolting. This last go-round began just as we got our “economic stimulus check” which we ate through in one month (that was $2400!). We can’t keep doing that. Any suggestions? Just suck it up and cook?
    Thanks so much for these encouraging and disgusting posts!

  31. I feel like such a wimp. (sort of) I never puked during pregnancy and only ever had mild nausea. I did however feel like a thousand-pound slug through both of my pregnancies. I never went into the kitchen and we lived on frozen pizza and corndogs because I was always so very exhausted I could hardly move. I’m realizing that there might be worse things…

  32. i was there last year at this time. i’ll never look at pb and j the same way again. sniff sniff…oooh, but this fat squishy baby makes up for all that!

  33. Thank you so much, Lizzie, for putting my annoyances in perspective. I only threw up twice with my first pregnancy, and both had extenuating circumstances (motion sickness and accidental gluten ingestion), though I constantly felt as though I wanted/needed to. This time around, I’m feeling perpetually awful and nauseous, and there are times that I think it might be better if I could just throw up and get the feeling over with…but reading this reminds me that it’s better that I keep whatever food I manage to eat down. Thank you.

  34. After looking at the link for the “morningchicness bags”, I realize that the “sea bands” on my wrists weren’t as stylish as I thought they were! (and they weren’t effective either)
    I learned to plan an outfit around pale gray quite well.

  35. I gave thanks to the Lord almost every day for four months during my fourth pregnancy for inspiring Smuckers to make Uncrustables. For those of you who haven’t seen these, they are individually wrapped, frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that are ridiculously overpriced. I kept boxes in my fridge so my three young kids could open the the fridge door and get them for themselves. Along with bananas and cheese sticks I don’t remember what else they ate while I stayed out of the kitchen. My husband had to get my approval before heating anything up in the microwave, describing the food in as little detail and few words as possible. Lingering food smells had me puking for hours.

  36. I totally should have gotten those Uncrustables, great idea! Ditto on the cheese stick and banana…many days that was every meal, accompanied by a yogurt (stabbed open by a 5 year old). The bananas were either eaten far away from me so I couldn’t smell it, or, my favorite (in retrospect), eaten while locked in the bathroom with their up-chucking mama so the 2-year-old couldn’t escape.

    All of this makes me laugh, no hint of tears…I must be getting far enough away from it to see the humor. :)

  37. After a miscarriage I remember revelling in my pukiness — how great is that?? Sometimes pain can be a beautiful reminder that we’re alive.

    But my favorite morning sickness story is actually a conversation I had with my oldest (then age 6) daughter while preparing dinner one afternoon. I was cutting meat to put into a stew and she came bounding into the kitchen to see what I was doing. As I recall, we had at some then-recent point described to her why eating uncooked meat was a bad idea, since it could make you sick to your stomach. So as she watched me a very enlightened look came into her eyes. “Mommy! NOW I know why you throw up so much every day… the baby in your tummy is still undercooked!”

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