We’re home again, home again! And it’s Thanksgiving, so of course none of you are reading this – you’re probably all far too busy peeling potatoes and stuffing turkeys. I, however, am sitting here quite negligently drinking my coffee in my pajamas still, having just dug out of my suitcases all the English goodies that we brought back for the kids. And I really feel that I need to post this quite quickly before I pull my act together and go dive into the great festivities in the kitchen.

Does anyone happen to recall the terrible travesty of the canned American Style Hot Dogs which I’ve had occasion to mention in the past? In case anyone missed this previously, here is a little visual aid for you.

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Yes. I know. No American that I know of would dream of eating one of those . . . and yet the producers of this horrifying food-stuff have placed the stars and stripes upon it and, it seems to me, are willfully misleading a trusting British public. I did my patriotic best to explain to people while we were there that these are NOT in fact “American Style” – and the end result was that some dear friends of ours gave us a can for Christmas. Our present to them, incidentally, was a small ceramic Starbucks cup to hang on the Christmas tree. Each, in fact, giving the other a little something to remember them by.

The result was that, as we traveled home last night, we had buried in the depths of our luggage this can of American hot dogs. We had loads of other things too – mallow tea cakes, and chocolatines, and mince pies, and mincemeat filling, and wine, and jam, some Bucatini, some goose fat, some suet, and even a loaf of Tiger Bread which was the specific request of our 6 year old. The customs people noticed that we had listed food on our declaration form, and we got pulled out of the line for an agricultural exam. They scanned our luggage, and then made us open up one suitcase for them to inspect. And guess what got pulled out for a lengthy exam? Yes. The Stars and Stripes can of hot dogs. They said, and I quote, “What IS this thing?” They passed it around and had a consultation about it. They looked over the ingredients. They checked on where it was made.

And then they confiscated it.

Yes indeed. Not allowed into the country. And I was very proud. America will not be sullied by such things. Our standards remain high, and our borders secure.

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16 thoughts on “Jiggity-Jig!

  1. You are an excellent writer and in true Austen fashion, a “wit”. What a good laught I got out of that!

  2. There is subversion within our borders, though. When shopping on Monday, my husband pointed out to me jars of the very things you decry manufactured for sale and consumption right here on sacred American soil. We both thought they looked disgusting.

  3. If I were in such a situation I would not know whether to collapse with laughter or wilt with embarrassment. That is SO funny! (Funny-peculiar and funny-ha-ha.)

  4. Oh, but the Haggis! Did you really have to include *that* in the photo?

    I know, it’s funny, isn’t it — the whole food thing?

    My friend in London tells me only poseurs drink iced tea – and I had to tell him that’s because his lot didn’t know how to produce tea good for iced tea. If it’s hot it’s got to be PT Tips. But if it’s iced, it’s Luzianne.

    One thing I *wish* I could have brought back was M&Ss cheese and onion sandwiches – yummm!

    Kamilla

  5. They probably suspected it was made by terrorists. No self respecting American would have eaten such a thing. They look like Vienna sausages on steroids to me.

    Which means the whole “American” label was a marketing ploy. Here’s what Wikipedia says about Vienna sausages:

    In many European countries any pre-cooked and sometimes smoked wieners bought fresh from supermarkets, delicatessens and butcher shops are called vienna sausage…European vienna sausage served hot in a long bun with condiments is often called a hot dog, harking not to the wiener itself, but to the long sandwich as a whole.

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