“What is the cause of this abdication? Why can’t men lead their wives?”

I am unwilling to relinquish the duty and obligation that men have to provide leadership and place it upon the back of those being led (wives). I am not implying that this is the dynamic of the article, just establishing that effective leadership does not have the leisure of allowing itself to be subject to emotional manipulation.

Mrs. Wilson has been generous to husbands, and her admonition to wives is accurate. Nonetheless, the essence of leadership also includes full and undiluted responsibility for whatever befalls the ship. “My men performed excellently, any failures are mine”.

The “why’s”

1. Because they have been trained to be soft. Effective leadership (notice that I do not concede absence of leadership. Leadership always occurs; the only differential in play is the direction. Good, bad or indifferent, leadership is always occurring.) requires a determination to suffer the slings and arrows of displeasure. One cannot effectively lead if the goal is popularity. I am not stipulating harshness; the picture in play is firm resolve.

2. Firm is, well, hard; “he set his face like flint”. Modern evangelical America embraces the “metrosexual” ethic (even though they would deny it vociferously).
The American church-at-large has trained their men to relinquish all of the sharp edges that accompanies tempered steel. (Consider what it really means to lose one’s temper.)

3. Leadership requires the willingness to provide and protect. Modern American men have been saturated with the ethic that it is the government’s job to protect their wives and children. Whenever human nature is given the choice of standing on its hind legs against evil, or simpering away reciting excuses about “taking the law into their own hands” or “being judgmental”, one can always bet on black. Depravity, rust, entropy and cowardice never sleep.

4. Consider one of the highest commendations that God Incarnate rendered to a created being. The recipient of this honor was simply a man who understood lines of authority: when a decision has been made and the directives rendered, those in submission to that authority carry out the commands. The discipline required for that comprehension is called faith: When Jesus heard these things, He marveled at him, and turned around and said to the crowd that followed Him, “I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!” Think about what it takes to make the Holy One of God marvel, and is this being taught in modern America?

To paraphrase what Mr. Wilson has previously written; do not be surprised to see women in cockpits once you have seen women (regardless of gender) in pulpits.

And in the ensuing months and years, she supported me by keeping me accountable in my process of “getting over it”.

And she was right, it was worth the struggle and I do believe I’m a better, more spiritually mature, woman for it. It takes a tough person to be able to submit in the right way.

I think that God made us women more emotional than men as a general rule, and feelings have their place. But we are so easily ruled by them, and through them (fear, anger, etc…) we try to rule others. Because of sin, what is a gift becomes twisted. If we respect our husbands, they can be a great gift to us as we grasp control of our hearts.

My mom was not a Christian, and had many unkind things to say when I chose to put “submit” to my husband in our wedding vows. But looking back over her life and marriage to my dad, I have seen how submission to my father would have saved herself and our family a lot of pain.

For instance, she was in control of the finances and sometimes joked how Dad could not figure out how to write out a check. For almost 40 years, she wrote out the checks for him to sign. When she was too ill to deal with bills, she finally gave the reigns to Dad, who not only wrote checks, but did a much better job with getting everything under control than she ever did. She finally told me that she should have given it over to him decades ago. I grew up hearing my mom’s fears of financial ruin, because she was too scared to tell Dad how things really were. It’s a stressful way to live.

My husband is a ‘servant leader’ in the sense he wants to make decisions not based on selfishness, but for what is best for us all, and do the will of God. We discuss things, but although the decision is up to him, we both bear responsibility as a team. And throughout the years, it becomes more appararent to me that what I think is important isn’t essential at all. My husband has a clearer eye, I think, on all that.

Thank you, Nancy.

It does feel so good to “let go and let lead” but darned if it is not difficult to not “tweak” as you say.

I could say so much but simply, this was a great post. Thank you for the reminder.