Comments on: The Over-Rated Virtue of Transparency

By: Mrs. Kyle McVay

Mrs. Kyle McVay — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 05:30:57 +0000

This post reminded me a verse we had our girls memorize, Eph. 4:29-32…Which says in a nutshell only say things that encourage the hearer & benefits those who listen. We should consider with does bit of information encourage the hearer and will it benefit those who listen. Mpst likely this would be a private focused conversation not a flippant remark which may damage our witness. These are applicaions I had not considered until now. Thanks for the great post.

By: pentamom

pentamom — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:34:30 +0000

I’ve been mulling this over as this thread has developed, and I think I’ve come up with an answer to something that has been bothering me. Someone else mentioned something related to it above.

It has always been helpful to me to know that other women struggle with certain temptations — it’s “not just me.” And I’m not so much talking about big dramatic stuff, but about the weariness of raising young children, the difficulties of bearing with an imperfect husband, the sort of things that we think that Really Solid Christian Women Have Gotten Beyond. And yet, I also feel a strong pull toward what Nancy’s saying.

So, here is perhaps a solution: rather than “airing the struggles” as they are going on, are still tender, and are still susceptible to be twisted into further occasion for sin on the part of the person airing them, what is helpful in this regard is for women who have been through these things in the past and have overcome, or even endured them in a godly way until “outliving” particular manifestations of them, to share that they, too, have had to deal with them. The temptation for younger women is to think that the older women appear to “have it all together” not because they faithfully endured struggle and temptation, but because they’re on such a higher plane of spirituality that they didn’t experience them. Sharing that those things have also been (and in more general terms, continue to be) a part of your life and how the Lord has helped you through them and used them allows you to set that fear at rest, while avoiding the snares that over-transparency carries. It doesn’t just have to be women who are chronologically older, or even older in faith, but those who have experienced something, but are no longer in the midst of it, and have learned from it.

So I guess the apostles were onto something when they exhorted older women to teach the younger to love their husbands and children?

By: Emily W.

Emily W. — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 19:33:16 +0000

I linked to this post and two others about gossip/loose talk. The older posts though have some problems with the characters. I think this is from the html transferring? Not the end of the world, just giving a heads up about the older posts.

By: Valerie (Kyriosity)

Valerie (Kyriosity) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 16:22:43 +0000

As an old maid, I must take exception to the notion that we are more susceptible to this sin than married ladies, but this is still a delightful item:

http://www.mainlesson.com/books/pyle/pepper/zpage032x.gif

(Just remember that “ye” is pronounced “the” and that thing that looks like an “f” without a full cross bar is an “s” and you’ll get on fine.)

By: Dortmund Donna

Dortmund Donna — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 15:53:46 +0000

Really good discussion. It’s so easy for a group of women to start gossiping without really intending to, it’s just in our make-up to be interested in one another and talk about our children, etc. We need to know where to draw the lines in our communications so we don’t get caught up in crossing those gossip lines and feel rotten about it afterward.

By: Seda

Seda — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:51:47 +0000

Thanks Nancy and thanks Ladies for your words of wisdom. You are such an encouragement!

By: Luma

Luma — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 18:12:23 +0000

Yes, Valerie. I’m in complete agreement. We do not have authority to refrain from taking the Lord’s Supper. We do not get to keep ourselves away from the table. We don’t fence ourselves.

As I heard it preached just this past Sunday, we are however, to deal with the particular issue/circumstance, in the appropriate way that particular situation calls for and then we are to eat with clean hearts.

In my example above I used the situation of asking forgiveness right before the Lord’s Supper as one of those extreme (or maybe not so extreme) situations when the Holy Spirit’s conviction is so pressing that you know what you ought to do and you ought to do it immediately. I also wasn’t talking about just sin that you have in your own head, but sin you have committed against a brother. Not just some thing you happened to take offense to. I meant sins you know you committed and your brother knows you have committed.

I’ll go back up and see what I wrote to make sure I was being clear. A lot of this stuff is fresh in my mind because of our sermon this past Sunday. I know the verse you quote above but I have always been taught that it does not just apply to gift giving but to the Supper also. That entire section in Mathew 5 is about love and peace with our brethren.

Hope that helps clear things a bit. And it’s good to continue to be sharpened.

By: Emily W.

Emily W. — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:58:40 +0000

I needed this post too, and I also did some editing on my blog. )

By: Helen

Helen — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 03:21:42 +0000

These are wise words that I needed and am ready to hear today. Thank you, Nancy.

By: Nancy Ann

Nancy Ann — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 01:37:59 +0000

Dear Helen,
If a mother is seeking wisdom and help from an older/wiser woman, then she should share her questions with discretion, being careful not to wrong her children in the process. And to be on the safe side, perhaps she should run it by her husband first: “What would you think of me talking to Mrs. Smith about Susie’s problem?” A husband may think that’s a great idea, or he might not.
A mother ought to be very loyal to her kids and husband. Would the kid in question appreciate Mrs. Smith knowing about her bed-wetting problem or his crush on Susie or their poor grades? Sometimes mothers wrong their kids by exposing their weaknesses, struggles, and failures. And sometimes a mom can wrong her husband and kids by exposing her own weaknesses, struggles, and failures. It all depends. So, I would urge moms to err on the conservative side. You can always decide later to go ahead and share something after giving it some prayer and thought; it’s much more difficult to deal with the damage of careless words. We should do all we can to protect our children’s reputation and our husband’s reputation. Needless sharing can be disloyal and will only breed disloyalty in the kids.