Sometimes people ask what you do for entertainment in such a small town? Is there a night life? Of course there is! Just take what we did this last Saturday as an example.
Sometime around 3:55 in the morning Blaire woke up and yelled until she was transported into bed with us. Luke was back asleep, and I would have also been sleeping except Blaire was scratching me and sort of hurumphing around and doing other shenanigans. She sleeps in our room with us right now due to a space restriction, and she has learned well that we are only a hop, skip,and a fuss away. Anyway, I was in that middle ground of disturbed sleep when I suddenly grabbed Luke’s arm and said, “That was our doorbell! Someone is touching the doorbell!” My instant concern was that one of the bigger children had actually let themselves out and was ringing the doorbell to come in. Luke hopped out of bed and ran to the door, and I ran to count kids. They were all there, all snoring, except Blaire, who seemed endlessly pleased that we got up with her after all.
So my husband went to the side door in the laundry room and looked out the window at an angle to see who was ringing the bell. From where he stood, he could only see skin and polka dot boxers. Who would be at our door in their boxers, in the snow, at 4:00 in the morning? What level of an emergency is this?
He opened the door and found himself face to face with a young athletic man standing on our porch with no shirt, polka dot boxers, and his jeans around his ankles. This young man was not clear as to what he was doing there, but he was certain that he should come in. I couldn’t hear what the boxers were saying from my post in the hall, but I could hear my husband. One scivvy-clad man to another, they were really talking it out. The conversation went something like this, “Dude, you are not coming in. What do you need? No. This is not your house. You may not come in.” Then Luke shut the door and locked it. He then called the police to tell them that there was a confused man outside. For something like seven minutes, our doorknob continued to twaddle and the doorbell went constantly. Ding dong, ding dong, ding don,g ding dong. The signs were beginning to tell us that this young man had been drinking a little further away from his normal stomping grounds and felt that he would just crash with us for the rest of the night.
Luke told him through the door that the cops were coming, and the man let out a very plaintive and confused “Whhhhyyyyy??” He kept working manfully away on the doorbell for a few more minutes, then seemed to notice that something was not right. We heard a sort of startled noise indicative of a drunk man having an epiphany, and he was off like lightning. Or he would have been if his pants were not around his ankles. Tripping on his jeans, he fell down the three stairs to our side door, and thence took off into the night.
Shortly after his escape the policeman arrived at the front door, and we took him to the scene. Opening the side door we found on our porch a pair of jeans and a plaid shirt. They looked exactly like they would next to a bed when someone steps out of their clothes and into their bed. Only in this case, he stepped out of his clothes and into the life of a drunk fugitive. The policemen checked his wallet which had conveniently been left for us, and noted that he was a local college athlete, which explained the speedy, albeit inebriated, disappearance. So the police looked around for him a bit and called us to say that they found him something like a mile away (like I said, athletic) having forged his way through a creek. In Moscow there is never a reason to go through a creek unless you are trying to lose the bloodhounds. Even less of a reason in 30 degree weather when you are wearing your scivvies and have left your driver’s license behind. The police took him off to the hospital where they said he was beginning to grow more sober and more emotional all at once.
They wanted to know if we were going to press charges. We weren’t. Hopefully a mild hypothermia and weird experience will scare him a bit, and as for us, we haven’t laughed that hard in a good long while!