Comments on: 5 Questions Wives Should Not Ask Their Husbands

By: Holly D.

Holly D. — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 17:02:52 +0000

I’m with Erin and Christina on this post.
If a wife is struggling with insecurities, who better to gain affirmation from, than her husband? If you continually war against feelings of insecurity, the two people you need to run to are the Lord and your husband. The lines of communication will be much improved when the wife tells her husband she needs his words and actions of affirmation.
When the questions are asked in a negative or entrapping manner, there will, inevitably, be a heated or shouted discussion. Through that discussion, however, much healing can be accomplished. Sin can be confessed and then the husband has better insight on how to pray for and love his wife.
As Christians, we are still very far from perfect. We still battle our flesh and have to live in this world. As a plus-sized woman, I constantly hear that I’m too fat/ugly/unattractive and it gets overwhelming. Who better than my husband to remind me that I am made in God’s image and that I’m beautiful in his and God’s eyes?
Instead of condemning or making light/fun of us women who are insecure, pray for us. Be the fellow believer that comes along side of us, encouraging and building us up.

By: Valerie (Kyriosity)

Valerie (Kyriosity) — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 18:31:47 +0000

Here's a hilarious take on question #5.

By: Joe

Joe — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 06:54:00 +0000

Doug, did you hack into Nancy’s blog and post this?

By: Faith

Faith — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 03:43:00 +0000

Haha! I just went back to read the questions and yes I do recall asking every one of those questions at leaste once- probubly within the first few years!! It’s a wonder we have lasted this long!! A verse I like to keep in the back of my mind is “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry”.

By: Faith

Faith — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 03:36:40 +0000

Oh my this took me back to my earliest days and years or marriage, and horrified me to think that I asked a few of these questions which lead to some of the fighting you said it would ah the good old days!! I’m so glad that God has brought us through many a stupid question!!

By: Valerie (Kyriosity)

Valerie (Kyriosity) — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 08:23:32 +0000

Erin, I think the difference is that it sounds like you talked about your insecurities in order to work through them, whereas Nancy’s hypothetical question-asker is, however unintentionally, tripping up her husband with her insecurities. There’s a way for a wife to bring up issues that enables her husband to help her with them and a way to bring them up that sets him up to exacerbate them.

Also, I think when you say, “I understand that him having time to himself is for his good & therefore my good, and his love has not grown cold because he desires privacy,” that’s in response to Nancy’s reply to Mr. Religion, in which case, I think you’re misreading her. When she says, “Could be risky,” she’s replying to the bit about the husband’s feeling obligated to do something with the wife, not to the bit about the husband’s wanting some alone time.

By: erin a.

erin a. — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 04:59:21 +0000

While I totally get your point in this list, I have to disagree a bit.
I fleshed all this stuff out with my husband in the early years of our marriage. Were the conversations always lovely & without risk of drama? Certainly not!! But, it was good for me to bring my insecurities to him & work through them together. He learned about my soft spots. And over the years he has been able to help me grow in them. I learned that although he thinks I am beautiful, that goes more than skin deep. He does not wish to be married to the most beautiful woman. He married me, because I am the one he wanted to love & enjoy for the rest of his life.
Because we have worked on all this, my confidence in his love has grown by leaps and bounds. And he did help me see my own vanity in wishing to be named among the loveliest ladies on planet earth. He helped me see that he values me for so much more than the fleeting beauty of youth.
Now? It is okay that he and I both know that I have a pudgy stomach. I don’t get wigged out about my cellulite. We can chat about beautiful people we know or see and not feel threatened. I understand that him having time to himself is for his good & therefore my good, and his love has not grown cold because he desires privacy.
As strange and weird as it may sound, we have even had conversations about second marriages, after the death of a spouse. We have talked about it because it has happened around us. We talk about it because we see it turn out to be a good thing for people. And we also see it appear as a downward fall for some. (We’ve never suggested potential spouses for each other though. Hmmmm…. That’s a tough one! Ha!)
That to say, I think it would be sad for a wife to have insecurities and be afraid to bring them up with her husband. Holding inside pain (even when it is based on ridiculous anxieties) is not helpful to their union.
So, I would say, if you are really upset about something, you probably should bring it up. But, NOT in an accusatory manner.

By: Nancy Ann

Nancy Ann — Mon, 12 Nov 2012 03:19:26 +0000

Mr. Religion,
Ha! I see what you mean. Could be risky. Maybe we could reword it to say, “What would be a fun thing you’d like to do on a day off that you don’t get to do very often?” And then the well-meaning wife could suggest a few things like, “Catch gators? play some basketball with the boys? go fly fishing?”

By: Andrew

Andrew — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 14:34:42 +0000

All these questions are asking the same thing: “Do you love me?”

By: Ask Mr. Religion

Ask Mr. Religion — Sun, 11 Nov 2012 01:10:00 +0000

“5. What would be your ideal day off?”

Really? Another one that some men will feel compelled to respond with something that includes his wife. Truth is that some men may just want to be left alone all day in their “man cave” away from the day-to-day.