Remember one is given strength to bear what happens to one, but not the 100 and 1 different things that might happen.

C.S. Lewis, Letter to An American Lady

But thankfully, God doesn’t rely on me or on my blog to satisfy the hearts of His people. If so, we would all be sunk! Nevertheless, I hope He can and will use me to encourage some of you who have heavy hearts about miscarriages, infertility, or the unmarried state. And how can I do that? By pointing you to the excellencies of Christ. You have a Savior and He is a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. He, and only He, can enable the Christian to find hope and comfort, satisfaction and joy in Him and no where else. So I point you to Jesus. Look to Him for help and strength.

And as you do that, here is something to consider. I believe that if you can identify your trouble as what the Bible calls affliction, then you will have a handle with which to process your troubles. This is actually a very good place to start. This childlessness, this singleness or widowhood, this loss of a child or miscarriage is an affliction, and the Bible has much to say about affliction in this life. God always uses such things to sanctify us, to conform us to the image of His Son, to teach us to follow Christ. It is good to be needy because we have a Savior who loves to bestow comfort in affliction, joy in suffering, and help for the helpless. If we never had need, would we have an idea of His matchless grace?

Afflictions are good for us because they are God’s schoolroom in which He teaches His children many things. Learn to listen and learn to be a good student in affliction. He does all things well. This is not an accident, but part of His good (though hard) Providence in your life. This is an opportunity for faith, without which we will not see the Lord.

The rest of the saints need to also identify affliction. When we realize that to be childless is a hard affliction, we will deal differently with our sisters who long for children. This doesn’t mean we will pity them in an ungodly or unproductive way, but we will look to encourage them. If someone is in a wheel chair or using a walker, we know that is an affliction. But loneliness and heartache can be camouflaged. So be tender of those women and offer them a hand.

Turning a profit on your troubles means that your goal in them, as well as in all of life, is to bring glory and honor to the Lord Jesus Christ. So what opportunities has God given you in this affliction? How can you glorify Him in this trial? By trusting Him, believing Him, rejoicing in Him, showing gratitude to Him, and resting there in His grace for you. This is how we glorify Him, and this is what makes it possible for us to enjoy Him and our fellowship with Him forever.

I must close with a little from Samuel Rutherford who knew well what it was to suffer.

Dry wells send us to the fountain.

Christ chargeth me to believe His daylight at midnight.

Look for crosses, and while it is fair weather mend the sails of the ship.

Contentment is not natural, but an inward work of grace in our hearts. We do not need any lessons in discontent. That is easy enough and the flesh runs that direction well enough on its own. But how do we learn contentment? By bridling our thoughts and emotions. That means putting a bit in the teeth of our thoughts, and steering them in the right direction. By mortifying (putting to death) our desires, and keeping our hearts from being set too much on the creature. These are hard lessons indeed. And if we think it’s as easy as snapping our fingers, we don’t yet understand contentment.

We often think that if we could get our circumstances up to our desires, then we would be content. If only we could pay off the debts or move into a bigger house or find the man of our dreams, then contentment would be easy. But that never really works. If you have a discontented heart, you will simply take it with you right into the bigger house and right into the marriage with you. And then you will find something else to be discontent about.

Rather, we come to contentment by subtraction, and not by addition. We come to contentment by getting our desires down to our circumstances. But no one really wants to do that. It goes against the grain, which means it goes against the flesh.

Contentment says, “What God would have, I would have too; I will not only yield to it, but I would have it too.” Obviously, that kind of attitude requires supernatural grace, and God is willing to give us that kind of grace. He gave it to Paul, and Paul learned to be content in all kinds of circumstances.

Consider 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 and 16-18, and then chapter 6:4-10.  Paul was no pansy when it came to handling tough circumstances. He dealt with just about every kind: beatings, imprisonments, tumults, labors, watchings, fastings, troubles, persecutions, dishonor, and  sorrows.

Contentment requires a change in outlook. Instead of looking for the things we want, those external blessings, contentment looks to our duties in our present circumstances. Thinking about other circumstances, all those enticing possibilities, is merely a temptation that we need to resist. Those thoughts only feed discontent, and we need to starve discontent right out of our hearts and minds.

So make a list of your blessings and a list of your troubles. Take your time and fill it in. If you do this honestly, you will have many more blessings than troubles. Thank God for it all. He is kindly loading you with blessings that are often overlooked. And those troubles in the other column are entrusted to you from a wise and loving Father. Use those troubles to turn a profit. Be a good and grateful steward of your blessings and your troubles, and God will see that you harvest a hefty crop of spiritual maturity and contentment.

Paul turned his troubles to a profit (2 Cor. 6:10): “As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things.”

Here’s a little summary of what Watson and Burroughs would say about the evils of discontent.

1. It’s sinful, sordid, troublesome, wearying, and unworthy of a Christian.

2. It has evil companions like melancholy, sullenness, ingratitude, envy, jealousy, and covetousness.

3. It is folly. It takes away your comfort, making the body sick and weak.

4. It makes your crosses heavier and your grief unbearable.

5. It spins out your troubles longer.

6. It spreads to others like an infection.

7. It breeds quarrels.

I won’t list off the problems with that place here. Trust me. It was not a very convenient house for us, and I wasn’t making things up. But I remember well one day having a conversation with my husband where I was listing my woes about our apartment. And I well remember what he told me in response. He said that God would not provide a new place for us until I was at the point where I would be sad to leave our old place. Yikes! You’ve got to be kidding! That will never happen! But he kindly pointed out that God moves us from strength to strength. If we are in defeat over a situation, God wants us to get the victory in it and over it before He moves us on to the next one.

That was a turning point for me. I started doing intentional things to improve my attitude. And some time later when we moved out, I didn’t shed a tear, but I was no longer under the power of discontent. By God’s grace I had gotten out from under that.

We often think that if we could change our circumstances, then we would be content. But that takes the power out of our hands because we can seldom change our circumstances. But we can change our attitude, which provides comfort and peace in uncomfortable circumstances.

Contentment comes by subtraction, not by addition (as Burroughs would say). We get our desires down to our circumstances and we find contentment. And then we are in a position of strength to do our duties that God has laid out for us to do.

Godly men get more riches out of their poverty than ever they get out of their revenues.

Godly men are better for an affliction; many godly men are worse for their prosperity.

Jeremiah Burroughs

“Some people are so weak that they cannot restrain the unrest of their spirits, but in words and behavior they reveal what woeful disturbances there are within. Their spirits are like the raging sea, casting forth nothing but mire and dirt, and are troublesome not only to themselves but also to all with whom they live.”

One of the things my children teach their children is to “blow it out” when they get hurt. They always allow for a justifiable time for sorrow and comforting, but then they ask (or tell) them to blow it out. In other words, it is time to be done with this and press on. There is a lesson in this for adults as well. Some people need to blow it out when it comes to things that happened ten, twenty, thirty, or forty years ago. Rather than still troubling their own souls with how they were wronged, they should learn to blow it out. It’s time to be done. Actually, it is way past time. It would be better to blow it out immediately. If we practice with the little things (like not losing it when we stub our toe), then we will be better at the bigger things, like breaking our leg. And if we practice with the bigger things, then we’ll be better for the serious afflictions and troubles that are bound to come some day. It is like being in school. The more proficient we get at a subject, the harder the tests.

The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, Jeremiah Burroughs