So I had a special request from someone that I write a little something about raising older daughters. “Older” in this case means something more along the lines of upper elementary age . . . I don’t yet have any teenage girls. (But when I do I’ll have them in spades . . . my girls will be 13,14, and 15 all at the same time!)
“Daughters” is kind of a big topic actually, and a whole lot of things spring to mind. I’m not even going to try to say everything all at once – I thought maybe I should pick away at it and just mention a couple of things right now.
The first thing I thought of is “foolishness.” This is something that we’ve worked on from the time our girls were very small – it’s not only relevant to older girls. However, I’ve been very grateful that we have been working on it for years . . . because we’re now hitting the age where this category actually matters. Basically, you reap what you sow. You harvest what you plant and tend. If you don’t want a harvest of foolishness when your daughter is grown, don’t tolerate foolishness when it’s small. Picture a garden. That enormous stink-weed there amongst the lettuce didn’t just appear there overnight. It started out as a seedling, and you let it grow for months and months. Not only did you neglect to pull it up, you probably watered it diligently every day. If you don’t want the big stink-weed, learn to recognize the little baby stink-weeds and get rid of them as they appear. Hint: they don’t look nearly so dire when they’re smaller. They might possibly even be cute. But they’re much, much easier to pull up when they’re small and cute. Continue reading ‘Girls, girls, girls’
Now that I wrote that clever title above, I see that you could take it two ways. And, coincidentally, that’s what this post is really about: moron parents. Some time ago I wrote something about daughters obeying their parents, even when they disagree with those parents, and then I had a follow-up post which got quarantined to the draft pile. That’s why this may seem out of nowhere. But, back to parents. Sad to say, shocking as it is, grievous as it is, some parents are demanding, self-centered, and idiotic nincompoops (noun; a fool or simpleton; origin 1670-80). And I do pity anyone who has parents like this.
However, all that said, a daughter with parents like this can still find ways to honor and obey them. It may be hard, but if she asks God for ways to be a submissive daughter, that is a prayer that will be answered. But if they are doing bone-headed awful things, then she should get some help.
For example, if parents are seriously trying to marry a daughter off to a man she doesn’t want to marry, I have already mentioned (in a comment in the original post on this) that she should call the pastor. In all the scads of weddings my husband has performed, he has never detected reluctance on the part of the bride. (I think I remember a groom with cold feet, but he got over it.) If my husband thought a daughter was being leaned on by her parents to marry the guy, he would in no way perform the wedding. And he would do all in his power to get the parents to straighten up. Good grief! Continue reading ‘More on Parents’
I don’t blame you if you wonder whatever possessed me to write an article about breaking up. But someone asked me to. So here it goes.
Nobody wants to get into a relationship that’s going to end in a breakup. But it happens. So how can we minimize the hurt involved or is it even possible to minimize the hurt? Of course, I’m not talking here about divorce, the ultimate heartbreak, but rather the break-up of a courtship or an engagement.
Part of the glory of a relationship in the first place is that you are putting yourself (and your heart) at risk. So it is important to keep your heart guarded until you know where this is going. Don’t be too hasty in giving it away. Remind your heart that you are simply in a courtship, or simply dating, or whatever you want to call it. Until you are engaged, you should play it safe. Continue reading ‘Breaking Up is Hard To Do’
Sometimes (as in, at least once per day) Lizzie and I get on the phone and philosophize. Both of us are usually in the middle of housework, and as we wash dishes or chisel cheerios off the floor, we talk through the big issues. She tells me about her new three-pronged approach to dealing with whining (complete with a great analogy for driving the point home), and I tell her about our discussions regarding how to give the stink-eye to the 8-year-old boy who tried to hug you at recess. Profitable discussions all round.
And both of us have girls. Lots of girls. Amongst the cousin clan at large there are 10 girls under the age of 10. Which means we think about little-girl issues a lot, and we discuss girl issues a lot. Girls are tricky stuff. There are all kinds of issues and nuances to little-girl interaction that are just plain not there among the little boys. Much goes on beneath the surface in the world of little girls. Complicated, high level stuff!
First of all, if you have two or more girls playing together at any given moment (sisters, homeschool play day, school recess) you are almost guaranteed several things. The first is that there are dirty deeds going down. The second is that if you’re not entirely dialed in and concentrating hard, you’ll miss the whole thing. If you and the other mothers are chatting off on the sidelines drinking your coffee, and you never ask your daughter about what she and other little girls were doing over there under the trees, you’re probably missing some big-league stuff. Basically, in any group of little girls there is likely one or more of them who is honing her manipulation skills to a high art, learning to wield “hurt feelings” with power and agility. If it’s your daughter who is filling that role, you have one thing to work on . . . and if it’s not your daughter, then you have a different thing to work on. Gossip rears its ugly head at a surprisingly early age as well. Third graders are entirely capable of the full-tilt, malicious back stab.
What this boils down to is that we ask our girls questions. Lots and lots of questions. Here’s a general idea of our after-school conversation. Continue reading ‘It’s a jungle out there’
If you have a school-age daughter, or if you are a school-age daughter, I commend this piece my husband whipped up this a.m. called “Warm, Friendly, and Distant.” And it’s for all parents or daughters, whether homeschooling or Christian day schooling.
I promised a while back that I’d write a post for the girls headed off to college, so here it is. I hope it will apply whether you are going away or are living at home while you attend college. And even if you are attending a Christian college, heads up, because there is sin at Christian colleges too.
1. Think like a Christian in class. Don’t be afraid to be identified as a Christian. Many professors will ask leading questions to find out which ones in the class are the Christians. Don’t back down. Hold your head up. Flunk if necessary. Remember, you are trying to impress God, not your professor.
2. Live like a Christian. If you’re in a dorm or sorority situation, you are living on the front lines. I hope you have been trained well, and you know how to handle yourself. This is no place for beginners. Let everyone know right away that you are a Christian. Don’t keep your head down. Live a holy life, and if you can’t do that in your living situation, move out.
3. Act like a Christian. Don’t cut corners, don’t make allowances or excuses, don’t watch movies or attend parties that you wouldn’t want your parents or your pastor to attend with you. Have high standards and never mind who is offended by them.
4. Choose your friends carefully and don’t fall in with the first people you meet. Get to know everyone, and then make a Continue reading ‘College 101′
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