Well, I see that we share many things in common when it comes to hospitality blunders. I am enjoying all your stories. Funny how the most trying moments make the best stories after the fact.
Once we had a family coming through town who needed a place to hook up their camper for a couple of days. We had never met them, but we arranged for them to park in a friend’s driveway. When they arrived with their four boys, we told them that we had arranged hospitality for them, but they insisted on staying with us. We had a very small house (around 900 square feet) and my parents were visiting. It was one of those moments, and what could we do but say, “Oh, sure.”
Our one tiny bathroom then became shower central while the family took turns getting showered (they had been on the road a while), and I remember going into the kitchen to pray for grace once I realized I was fixing for dinner for the gang. One of my girls came in from the back yard to tell me that the boys were being pretty rough with her tricycle. I remember explaining to her that they just might be angels, so we had better be nice, but I could tell that she didn’t buy it.
After doing a quick inventory in the kitchen, I proceeded to make the old stand-by, a very large vat of mac and cheese. And they were the kind of guests who were very grateful and easy to please. (Not like the visitor who once told my mother-in-law that he would rather have spaghetti when she had served him a pork chop. Believe it or not, she fixed him spaghetti, and my children still refer to him as the paragon of rude behavior!)
But back to my story. Despite the rough start, it turned out rather well. The lady had been very lonely for some female company and my mom, bless her, sat down and had a cup of tea with her while I fussed around in the kitchen. Meanwhile, my dad visited with the husband, and the boys stayed occupied in the back yard. We all felt like God had enabled us to provide for these needy people, despite the fact that we were totally unprepared. And we got the surprise blessing.
I don’t know about you, but I have pulled some real hostess bloopers over the years. (And, yes, I’ve had a few guests pull them as well, which makes us even.) I am pretty certain that I don’t know about all my bloopers, because I’m always busy at the moment, and I fail to see what I failed to do.
One of my common blunders that I have tried to overcome is this one: I sweetly offer a guest something to drink, and then I forget all about it and never come through with the goods. Said guest is too polite to mention it, and unless it occurs to me later, they usually go drink-less. Just yesterday, in fact, a friend stopped by and I made a pot of coffee. But we got talking, and it wasn’t until she left that I realized the coffee never got poured! Nice! And to top it off, I had made scones which I never served her with the coffee. Now that’s a record for me. When I called her later to say oops, she had a jolly laugh and confessed that she didn’t even notice! Now that’s a thoughtful guest. And she pointed out that I had two granddaughters on site who were modeling hats for us while we visited. (They were waiting for a tea party with scones which I did not forget.) So she said I was justifiably distracted.
Sometimes I find one of the side dishes in the fridge after the meal. I’ve left things in the oven too, and the results are not as kind. I’ve made a topping or garnish that never made it onto the dish, and it isn’t until cleanup when I see the little dish of chopped fresh parsley sitting ready for action.
Guest bloopers seem fewer than my hostess bloopers. The worst was a no-show when I had dinner all ready and hot. That was a let down. And a couple of times we have had guests who simply would not speak. I felt so sorry for them, and did all I could to make them feel at ease, but I finally had to resign myself to silent guests. That’s when I was grateful for chatty children.
The lovely thing about hospitality is that it is not a show. It is real life. And in real life things happen. Like when I pulled a lovely big pan full of lasagna out of the oven, the dish split, and half the lasagna went with it to the floor. Oops.
When we come to discuss particular points of social etiquette, it’s important to look at the big, bigger, and biggest picture. Most of the rules regarding manners were established hundreds of years ago and have been honored and acknowledged for generations by our own ancestors and all their aunts and uncles. I dare say that your great-grandma was telling your grandfather at the table not to chew with his mouth open, to put his napkin on his lap, and not to talk with his mouth full. Let’s hear it for good manners! But manners were made for man, not man for the manners.
A bunch of these older traditions and social expectations have morphed and evolved into their present forms, and for good reason. I can remember reading through a old book on etiquette and breathing a sigh of relief that we have moved on from some of those out-dated customs. But we still have many cultural expectations, especially regarding weddings and showers, funerals Continue reading ‘Messing with Manners’
Sandi Boswell has another good piece (it is in response to a comment, so look below her article) on the why’s and why not’s of shower giving. The thing I always appreciate about Sandi is her gracious way of tackling thorny issues. She knows there is always a deeper right than being right. (There is a rude way of correcting someone’s rudeness.) So if our friends and relatives are falling short on some of the rules of etiquette, whether it is on this topic or on others, we are not to look down our noses at them, but attribute the best of motives. Love covers it. And love is the thing we are striving for in all our applications of etiquette.
With all the sweet babies being added to the families in our congregation, as well as the long line-up of upcoming weddings in our church bulletin, the question of who should be the one to host the baby or bridal shower is very relevant indeed. Take a look over at Protocol Matters for a great article on this tender topic.
Here is a little wedding etiquette blurb I wrote a while back for our church email list. And since it’s almost June and all, I thought I may as well post it up here.
With quite a few weddings filling up the calendar over the next several months, it’s time for a few more etiquette reminders. Courtesy is simply love expressed in tangible ways. A lack of courtesy is a lack of love, whether intentional or not. So think of wedding courtesies as incarnational living. And these courtesies work both ways: guests to the bride and groom, and bride and groom to the guests.
The bride and groom’s families are spending a good amount of time on the guest list. Due to facilities with limited seating, as well as limited budgets, it’s simply impossible for the parents to invite everyone in our Christian community, even if they feel that everyone is near and dear. So don’t take it personally if you are not invited. Don’t ask the bride or groom if you can come……and don’t just assume you can go if you didn’t get an invitation. Students, you are particularly to pay attention to this! You may not invite your friends and roommates to go with you to a wedding unless they were specifically invited. A wedding just Continue reading ‘A Wedding Invitation is a Beautiful Thing’
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