Two things in this short post. First, a friend sent me an email she received inviting her to a Bible study for women on how to keep your marriage healthy. And, in closing, the study leader said something like, “Can’t wait to share all my husband’s faults with you!” Now it may have been tongue in cheek. I certainly hope so. But it still sent a shiver down my spine. And along these lines, here is a fantastic article that I’d like to commend to each and every one of you readers, whether you are married or not. And God bless the author of this piece. I always appreciate a solid exhortation, and here’s one for you. Hang on to your hat!
Archive for the 'Marriage' Category
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One of God’s clear commands to wives is to see that they respect their own husbands. One of the hard things to get wives to see is that this is not about their husbands. It is not a command to the husbands to be respectable (though they should). It is to and for the wives. And respect is really about the wives, not the husbands.
What do I mean by this? A wife is to see that she does something herself. Respect is a behavior that the wife is to display. Here are a few things that characterize a respectful wife.
1. She thinks right thoughts about her husband, contemplating his strengths and godly traits.
2. She shows gratitude to him for his work and provision and abilities.
3. She shows concern for his needs and wishes.
4. She speaks courteously to him.
5. She fulfills his requests, submitting to him in the little things and the big things.
6. She speaks highly of him to others.
7. She is trustworthy.
8. She goes to him for counsel first.
9. She prays for him.
10. She forgives him.
Now some women will say, “I refuse to do that. My husband is not worthy of such treatment.” Then why did you marry him? Some husbands may say that they refuse to love their wives because they are not lovely or lovable. So why did they marry women they couldn’t love? They are still required by Scripture to love them anyway.
This is why it is so important for women to marry someone for whom they have great respect. Otherwise, this is a very high bar. If you have great regard for your husband, then you married the right guy. And respecting a respectable man is not too difficult after all.
But if on the other hand, you are already married to someone for whom you have little respect, the command is still there, but it will be much more difficult to obey. At the same time, if you begin to treat your husband with respect unconditionally, out of respect for Christ and His Word, it will be good for you and good for your husband.
A while back my husband wrote two posts on courtship called 21 Questions for a Prospective Suitor and 21Questions for a Prospective Wife. Since we both get requests for the link to these two posts, and especially since it’s springtime once again, I thought I’d give you the link for these two helpful posts.
I’ve had a request to write something for daughters-in-law, and though there may be something stashed away in the archives, I’ll just try to whip up something fresh.
First of all, the daughter-in-law does not have the bad reputation that the mother-in-law has. All the trouble seems to be on that end, and though that may be a wicked generalization, we should at least acknowledge that the mother-in-law, being the older party, should be the one to roll out the red carpet and do all in her power to make life easy for her daughter-in-law.
For instance, consider that most all of us who are mothers-in-law are also daughters-in-law. That should give us a terrific advantage since we ought to remember how it felt to be the new one in the family, a family with a different name and background than our own. I had a very comfortable transition into my husband’s family since I knew most them before I ever met him, and I was already quite fond of his mother. But for some of you out there, this may not be the case at all. Expect this to take time. Don’t rush it. Continue reading ‘In-laws, Out-laws’
I made a comment a couple of posts ago about how wine should be something within our Christian experience, so we can understand a verse like “Your love is better than wine” in Song of Songs. And I got a question about this, so here is a little explanation. The Bible says not to be drunk, and that is as clear as can be (Eph. 5:18). In fact, that’s a simple one. But the Bible does not prohibit wine. If it did, there would not be much need for the admonishment against drunkenness.
Psalm 104:15 describes wine as gladdening the heart of man. At His mother’s urging, Jesus made quite a bit of the very best at the wedding at Cana (John 2:3). So it is safe to assume that wine is a given. At the same time, Scripture warns about misusing wine, and so we should be wise about wine. Older women are singled out in Titus 2:3 with a warning against too much wine. I have wondered what it is about the older women that creates a particular vulnerability for wine. I have a friend who suggested a good possibility: perhaps in the days before pain killers for the many aches and pains of old age, older women were tempted to rely a bit too heavily on the benefits of a glass of wine (or two). Wine is a mocker (Prov. 20:1) and “whoever is led astray by it is not wise.” Wine requires wisdom because it is potent. Continue reading ‘So What About Wine?’
Today was week four in a series I am teaching on women and marriage, updating an old tape series that Canon Press has been carrying for many years. The subject today was the marriage bed, and don’t expect me to dive into the whole topic here. But, I will mention one or two things. The first thing has to do with the bed itself. What kind of place is your bedroom? Is your bed inviting? Or is it buried under loads of laundry waiting to be folded? If we want our marriage bed to be comparable to what is described in the Song of Songs (a banqueting house with a banner of love), we might consider purchasing a small storage shed in which to keep the spare bicycles so we can get them out of the master bedroom!
The second thing I will mention here is the beautiful garden imagery. The bride is a locked garden, and the beloved is invited into the garden. It is a private place for them to enjoy alone. Do you view yourself as an inviting garden? Or is the garden a bit bedraggled, untended, full of weeds? Well then, time to start doing some tending, weeding, planting. Could be some little resentments have sprung up, crowding out the joy. What better time than now to start clearing away the debris?
Conjugal love is compared to feasting; it is described as celebratory; it is a time of rejoicing together. The wife says to her husband (Song of Songs 1:2), “Your love is better than wine.” Not grape juice. Not even sparkling grape juice. But wine. Rich, potent, intoxicating. But here’s a problem: What if we don’t drink wine, not even in the Lord’s Supper? If we only drink grape juice, how can we understand the potency of this passage? And if we never feast and celebrate around our tables, how will we understand the comparison made here between the marriage bed and a banqueting hall?
Marriage is to be honored and the marriage bed undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). The Bible is not prudish when it comes to the marriage bed. So we should not be prudish about it either.
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