One of the perennial complaints that Christian women have about their husbands is that they just don’t assume leadership in the home. The wife has a certain expectation that a Christian husband will be leading the family in prayer, Bible study, and other “spiritual” things, and the husband isn’t interested. What is the cause of this abdication? Why can’t men lead their wives?
Well, I’m sure there are many reasons that have never occurred to me, but a couple have. Of course some men might just be lazy bums. So I’m not talking about them right now. But why don’t some of the other men who seem to be quite capable of leadership fail to pick up the reins at home?
I believe this is one of the primary reasons why men don’t lead: because they know full well that if they ever tried to lead, there would be a big show-down, and they are just not up to it. They would rather have relative peace in the home and be accused of Continue reading ‘Why Men Don’t Lead’
We women are easily distracted by our own needs. This is easy because, after all, they are ours. And I don’t know how many times I have heard women say that their husbands are not “meeting their needs.” In fact, I’m sure we could find women’s groups devoted to discussing how their husbands are not meeting their needs. I have no doubt there are blogs devoted to the subject.
The fact of the matter is that a man cannot meet the needs of a woman, because her needs far exceed the capacity of any man to fill. I think it was Walter Trobisch who said, “There’s not a man on earth who can satisfy the heart of a woman.” So women ought to find something more interesting to discuss. This is not anything new.
But the problem persists because women impose a tremendous burden on their husbands, and they naively expect some kind of arrangement where the husband is given to the wife to meet all her emotional, spiritual, physical, and intellectual needs (whatever all those needs are). What a grave disappointment to find out that her husband was not informed.
Now I am not saying that men do not meet any needs of their wives. Of course they do! But when women look to fallen men to give them purpose and meaning in life, they are looking in the wrong place. It is asking of a finite creature what only the Almighty can do. He created us with all these needs, and only He can really satisfy our soul’s desires. A husband is a source of tremendous Continue reading ‘Needy Women’
If you have a chance, take a look at the cover story in the August issue of Christianity Today, called “The Case for Early Marriage” in which the author Mark Regnerus urges Christians to consider marriage in their early twenties rather than their late twenties or early thirties. (He is careful to distinguish what he calls early marriage from teen marriage, which he does not recommend.)
He has good reasons. He considers it better to marry early than sign chastity vows that might (easily) be broken. He feels the church should spend less time teaching abstinence (though a good thing, as far as it goes), and spend more time preparing young people for marriage at a young age.
Young Christians are often urged to put off marriage for several reasons. One compelling reason is that their parents insist that they be financially independent when they marry, finished with college and employed. That can be a heavy burden, and a long-term engagement is like a sexual pressure cooker. He argues (and I Continue reading ‘Early Marriage’
This is not marriage advice, but a little piece of wedding advice that I sometimes tell the bride when I get the chance. As you walk down the aisle, fasten your eyes on that groom of yours. He’s waiting for you. Don’t be distracted by all the guests and think you need to make eye contact with all of them as you walk down the aisle on your dad’s arm. One exception is your mom who will be watching as well. Give her a loving smile. There’s an old hymn (I’ve forgotten the name) that has this line: “The bride eyes not her garment, but her dear bridegroom’s face.” That’s the idea.
Submission is one of those words we may be tempted to tip toe around because the world disapproves of submission unless, of course, it is being rendered to the world and its ideas. Then it heartily approves, but would never admit that submission is what’s going on. But Christians should not be at all squeamish about submission. According to the Scripture, submission is a powerful weapon when rendered unto the Lord by means of His greace.
The dictionary definition of submit is simply to yield. But consider this explanation of the word from Jeremiah Burroughs:
“Submitting to God’s disposal — What is that? The word submit signifies nothing else but ‘to send under’. Thus in one who is discontented the heart will be unruly, and would even get above God so far as discontent prevails. But now comes the grace of contentment and sends it under, for to submit is to send under a thing.”
Now I think this is kind of cool. Look at 1 Peter 3 and see just what a submissive spirit can do. First of all, submission is a offensive weapon; it can win over a disobedient husband Continue reading ‘Submission is a Weapon’
Women want to be led. Of course, we don’t always act like it. In fact, sometimes we resist it like crazy. But despite all this, God has created woman to be led by her husband, and He has created in the woman the desire for strong male leadership.
When a woman is married to a capable man with a keen sense of purpose and a heart obedient to God, she has immense possibilities for security and freedom in her submission to him. Under such loving influence, a Christian woman can thrive both spiritually and emotionally. As he serves God in his calling, she can provide incredible help and support to him. This is the ideal situation.
But what about the women who are married to men who are not interested in leading, who have neither drive nor direction? What can a woman in a marriage like that do?
I believe a woman who is stranded in such a marriage should turn to her duties. Just because he is failing at his duty to lead, does not mean she can make things better by failing at her own God-assigned duty to respect her husband. Continue reading ‘Stick to Your Duties’
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