These are common temptations, nothing new or tricky.

1. Over-sharing can be a sin. It’s tempting to share more than we should. We may be looking for sympathy, but we have an obligation to love our children and our husbands, and we ought to maintain a nice hedge around our family and be loyal. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

2. Forgetting is a sin. We should not forget what we are called to do! This is a high-impact time of our lives, and we are to continue to affect our family culture and church culture by being focused and faithful women. We should be a powerful force for good.

3. We can become self-absorbed. Because our children are grown, we may have more time and more money to spend on ourselves. This is not a bad thing in itself if we manage it properly. But we must be good stewards of our time and resources. Working out in the gym is fine. A pedicure is great. But we must not get too absorbed in ourselves, our weight, our looks. God has important business for us to be about.

4. Worry is a still a sin whether we are new mothers or grandmothers. We should not pick up new things to worry over, like our health or our retirement or our finances.

5. Complacency in our spiritual duties is a sin. We can’t coast. We can’t let worldliness seep in via movies, gossip, magazines, and talk shows. We cannot let the world press us into its mold. It never lets up, no matter how old we are.

6. Distraction and discouragement. We should not listen to ourselves and get down on ourselves. That is not the Holy Spirit, but the flesh. Knock it off! Change the subject!

7. Envy is always deadly. Now more than ever we must not become envious of our friends, their successes, their travels, their husbands, their children or grandchildren, or their possessions.

8. Here’s a biggie: We cannot become fussers, wanting everything “just so” and becoming inflexible. We must open our hearts and our homes and surrender it all.

9. Discontent destroys our joy. The little things can add up. Our own hearts can lead us astray. Be content.

10. It is a sin to leave your post. To desert our homes to try and “find ourselves” is a fantasy. Stay on task. Don’t give up. Admire godliness more than worldly approval. Determine not to have any “mid-life” lurches.

Here are a few counter-measures.

1. Respect your husband more than ever. He needs  it! He needs you! Obey him. In everything.

2. Continue to cultivate gratitude and loyalty.

3. Work hard. Don’t slack off.

4. Don’t be discouraged by these temptations. These are tests to prove our faith.

5. Don’t give sin any inroads.

6. Let us number our days that we might apply our hearts to wisdom (Ps. 90:12).

8. Learn something new. Volunteer to help someone.

9. Find out if your husband needs your help in a new way. He might. Be willing.

10. Feed your people. It’s simple. It takes loads of time. God likes it.

Those of you who are young moms have plenty of calluses as well. You are working hard to bring up little ones, and you’ve got some impressive signs of this work in both body and soul. But what about the older women like me? I’m finished with all the diaper and discipline duty. It is tempting to think that I can coast a little and take it easy. Women my age might imagine (in our dream world) weekly pedicures and shopping expeditions to the big city. Quiet days pottering in the garden. Hours on the porch sipping tea and flipping through magazines. You get the idea?

But all of us older women in particular must not let our calluses get soft. There is still much work that needs to be done, and the young women are supposed to look to us to set a pattern for them. So back to work I go, whistling while I’m at it.

First, not false accusers. Older women are to watch what they say, careful to safeguard information that is confidential, and particularly not passing on false accusations. Women are sometimes tempted to attribute motives, and it is tempting to pass on their own opinions as though they were the actual facts of the case.

Second, not given to much wine. I suppose older women may have more leisure time to indulge in wine and that is why they are singled out for this exhortation. Older women are to be temperate, setting a good example for the younger generations. So older women are not to be party animals, not to always have a glass of wine in their hands. They are to be sober (serious); they are to be wise.

Third, they are to teach good things. The aged women are to be busy teaching the younger women good things. This doesn’t necessarily mean a class room setting. They may be teaching their own daughters and granddaughters, as well as other younger women with whom they have opportunity.

What kind of good things are they to teach? Things about the feminine calling: loving their husbands and kids, how to be discreet, how to be chaste, how to keep house, how to be obedient to their (own) husbands. In other words, the aged women are to be showing the younger women how to build their houses and not tear them down.

Of course the older women are not fit to teach these things unless they themselves are doing them. The older woman is to remember her first calling to be her husband’s helper, to love and obey her own husband. This means a mid-life crisis won’t work, deciding she just is not “in love” anymore. Those low points call for loyalty and fidelity, not resignation and divorce.

Loving the kids seems like the easy part, but this requires wisdom and self-discipline, stamina and resolve. And even when the kids are grown, a mom is still a mom, her love still needed, though it may be expressed in different ways than when the kids were little.

Discretion means good judgment and young women, married and unmarried, need to be taught to be wise, to be circumspect, not rash or impulsive. A life-long chasteness means purity before marriage and fidelity after marriage.

Home-keeping is a vast undertaking and young women need encouragement, help, reinforcement, and training to do it well. The older women have the experience to offer, and there are many subjects they may be able to teach, from knitting to cooking to gardening.

When the aged women are obedient to their own husbands, they are setting a great example for future generations. And when women sin against what they know to be true, they are in a sense giving covenantal permission to their own children and grandchildren to do the same. This goes back to the beginning: the aged women are to be holy.

But anyway. Despite the glory and joy of it all, grandmothers are still prone to fleshly temptations, just like we were when we weren’t grandmas. Big news, I know. If only the gray hair would bring perfection with it, wouldn’t that be nice? But, sorry to say, so far it hasn’t for me or anyone else I know.

So I am about to address one of those fleshly temptations, one that I have heard about quite a bit from young mothers, and I have seen first hand. It is this: grandparents hate to see their little adorable grandchildren receive correction and discipline from their parents. I’m not sure why it is so hard for grandparents, especially Christian grandparents, who really do believe what the Bible says about a father disciplining the child he loves.

But, sad to say, it is common for young parents to feel very jumpy when the grandparents come for a visit because they have to brace themselves for a barrage of criticism about how they are raising (correcting, teaching, disciplining) their children. And funny how it happens that the two-year old decides to branch out into some very naughty behavior while the grandparents are at close (and critical) range to observe.

Now I am not saying that all parents are doing a spectacular job, and therefore grandparents should just chill. But usually it is the young parents who are humbly and diligently training and correcting their children who get in the most trouble from the grandparents. Years ago some friends told us that the grandparents had gotten on their case whenever they had to discipline their kids. And the grandparents said something like this: “We can’t believe you discipline your kids. They are the best grand-kids we have!” And the parents were saying, “Exactly!”

So my point here is to say that grandmothers need to exercise wisdom. Though it may be tugging your heartstrings when the three-year old is receiving (well earned) correction, it is wise not to give way to it. How much better to be a source of encouragement to our children as we see them earnestly trying to bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Of course I have to make one qualification here. If something ungodly really is going on in the way your grandchildren are being brought up, then I am certainly not saying here that grandmothers can do nothing. I can imagine all kinds of scenarios where godly grandparents should and must speak to their kids. What I am addressing here is grandmothers being critical every time the two-year old gets his hand flicked for pulling his sister’s hair. Or arguing with the parents when they won’t let the grandchildren see a certain movie or eat a snack right before dinner. That is simply interfering and causes hard feelings all around.

One of my grandsons went through a stage of “flopping.” If he didn’t like what he was told to do, he would collapse on the floor. I remember his father carrying him down the hall (with loud wailing) and thinking “I bless you, my son-in-law! I want good grandchildren!” And the flopping halted because of a loving father’s consistent and kind discipline.

It is hard enough in this modern world to be a consistent Christian parent. So the least we grandparents can do is back our kids up, praying for them, praising them, and biting our tongues when necessary. If we do that, our kids will feel far more comfortable having us around, and they will feel far more at liberty to ask for our advice and help.

Doug and I stayed at a bed and breakfast in Maryland that some of his family’s long-time friends own and run. These long-time friends are in their eighties, and they maintain their home, guest rooms, and lovely grounds largely by themselves, as well as preparing delightful breakfasts for their guests at some pretty outlandish hours in the morning. We were struck by their kindness, their hard work, and their cheerfulness, the way they take everything in stride with competence and ease of spirit. They have served the Lord for many years together, and they know how to stay in step.

The biblical outlook on age and aging is antithetical to our culture’s infatuation with youthfulness and immaturity. The Bible describes the gray head as a crown of glory, and living to see your descendents’ descendents as a great blessing from God. The older we get, the more we should attain to wisdom, and this is our glory. The world, on the other hand, is seeking the fountain of youth, not interested in a godly wisdom. But it’s not enough to nod our heads at this while we really have more in common with the world’s take on aging. We Christians must truly believe what God says about this.

What made me think of this? We celebrated the birthdays of a couple of my “old” friends today who turned 59 and 57. They are just beginning to hit their stride. Some Puritan or preacher (I can’t remember who) said something like, “I am just beginning to begin to be a Christian.” So much more ahead to learn. So many more opportunities to grow in faith and to become more like Christ. And so many mercies and blessings to look back on, which gives us more confidence, more faith to trust God for our future.

John Piper in his book Future Grace says we live between the two lines of the hymn “Amazing Grace”: twas grace that brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.

Years ago we had a couple of ancient apple trees in our yard, and I remember being struck by the immense amount of fruit those old things bore each year. What a great picture it was to me of what old age should be like: not barren, but weighed down graciously with fruitfulness. Some of our friends and relatives are weighed down by physical limitations, but that does not prohibit their spiritual fruitfulness. And those of us who are younger should take fresh courage from the great example of those faithful saints ahead of us. If they can carry such large loads of fruit, surely we can press on to do the same.

Though I’ve seen women go through times like this at just about every stage of life, it’s very predictable with women whose children have finished school and moved out and on. These women can feel very much at loose ends, with time on their hands. And it’s this group of women I’d like to address here.

It’s tempting to think that you ought to go get a job. But let me give you a few other suggestions. First of all, if you are a wife, your primary job as your husband’s helper has not changed. He still needs you, and it may be the first time in a long time he has your undivided attention. People have asked me if it’s weird having an “empty nest” now, and I have to say, no, not at all. Not because I didn’t adore having a full nest. But when we first got married, there were just two of us after all, and we managed quite nicely. So in many ways, it is just delightful. But that’s not my point, and I digress.

Though being your husband’s helper is your first calling, you’ve probably been very preoccupied, and rightly so, raising children for the past twenty or thirty years, depending on how many children you have and how they are spaced. So it takes a bit of regrouping and rethinking to determine what it is you’re about now that they are all grown up.

But I would like to encourage you to think about how you can be of service to the church now that your children are raised. Most likely helping your husband doesn’t take all your waking hours, unless you are in unusual circumstances. (If that is the case, then just ignore what I’m saying here.) And though your children may still need your help and support in many ways, you may still be at loose ends when it comes to thinking of the big picture. Many women who have run the race, raised their kids, and have come in for a landing, seldom think about how they can be of benefit to their church and community.

Most women in this age bracket have tremendous experience and more time and resources than the younger women. But the one thing they lack is direction. If they are serious Christians, they don’t want to spend all their time on themselves: shopping, working out at the gym, spending money at the spa, and socializing. So that’s why they consider getting a job. But they may not see how they can be of much use to the church. Well here are a few ideas.

First assess your gifts, abilities, desires, and opportunities. Are you a great cook? Why not start a little cooking class (or sewing class) for young girls in your congregation? Do you love entertaining? Then invite people over. Host one of the church meetings or a shower. Are there any elderly or widows in your congregation? Visit them, take them to lunch, run errands for them. Are there young moms who could use a meal delivered? Make them one. Help with the weddings, cook for the funerals, sponsor the baby showers, visit the sick, reach out to the needy. Each congregation has far more needs than are currently being met (I promise), so get to work. If you need ideas, talk with your pastor. If you’re shy, start with the people you know.

If all the older women began to minister in this way, the impact would startle us all. The older women in the church are a tremendous resource, and we need to get to work doing what we do best, which is caring for people. The side benefit is that then we won’t feel at loose ends. We’ll see that we have an important place in God’s design for the Christian community, and our usefulness didn’t end when the kids all left for college. Far from it! Actually, we are just now warmed up and ready to go.

So don’t flounder around wondering what it is you’re supposed to do now that the kids are out of the house. Open your eyes. Ask God to give you some good ideas. Be flexible. Stretch out a bit and do something new.