I had a great question from a dad about what I thought when it comes to taking his sons to the public pool. So after chewing on this and talking with my husband about it (who has a related article over on his blog), I’m ready to tackle this. So here it goes.
If you take your son to the public pool, you had better be teaching him before, during, and after about what is going on with all the nearly naked people splashing about. And you had better make sure that he is getting the lesson and not just studying the subjects.
But if you are not up to it, either because it is such a workout and totally not worth it, then don’t go. Or if you don’t mind the teaching aspect, but the temptations to look and lust are too great, then stay home.
Sons need to be taught to be leaders. You don’t want sons who just take it all in, or sons who disapprove of it all but still participate in a way hard to distinguish from the ones taking it all in. But if all the girls are wearing immodest swimwear, and if he is hanging out with them as though it doesn’t matter, then he isn’t growing up to be a leader. If he is rebuking them all for their attire, then he is possibly just being a jerk.
The thing you want your son to do is to ignore the girls who are immodestly dressed, especially the Christian girls. And then when they come ask him why he isn’t hanging out with them, he is in a great position to tell them the truth: “Because I don’t want people to think that I am the kind of guy who hangs out with girls dressed like that.”
Hope that helps.
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Might want to give that link another try.
Thanks, Valerie!Got it.
I appreciate these posts. I have three modestly dressed teen girls, but I also have 11 and 6 yr old boys.. I haven’t known just how to navigate any of this w/the boys. Your posts have been helpful. Please give any other advice you have on these things.
If you ever have a hankering for another topic ….my husband and I are seeking input on telling boys about puberty, about how babies are made, and surrounding topics. We have some fears associated w/giving them information, but really, we just need some models in front of us of how to do it and keep the lines of communication on this topic flowing. Our boys were adopted and did not come to us as babies.. perhaps we would have “worked into” the subjects more naturally if they’d been with us since day one, or if we had previously raised boys before we adopted them. In any case, we need help, guidance, something, on giving boys information, and in training them in this important area.
Love it! Thanks very much for this post!
Anna,
When it comes to explaining things to your sons (or daughters), I suggest you just take it as it comes. It is the most natural thing in the world for kids to be curious about, and when you have an opportunity, take it. There is no need to plan for a big sit-down talk at some time. But when your boys as a question, answer it directly. If they don’t ask, then certainly at some point your husband should fill them in anyway. If you all don’t tell them, they will get the info somewhere else, and who knows what kind of info it may be! Explaining this whole subject to them is part of your God-given responsibility as parents, which is why it is so important for you to be the ones to do the teaching.
Blessings,
Nancy
Thank you so much, Nancy! We appreciate your reply and this advice.
Anna