I don’t blame you if you wonder whatever possessed me to write an article about breaking up. But someone asked me to.  So here it goes.

Nobody wants to get into a relationship that’s going to end in a breakup. But it happens. So how can we minimize the hurt involved or is it even possible to minimize the hurt? Of course, I’m not talking here about divorce, the ultimate heartbreak, but rather the break-up of a courtship or an engagement.

Part of the glory of a relationship in the first place is that you are putting yourself (and your heart) at risk. So it is important to keep your heart guarded until you know where this is going. Don’t be too hasty in giving it away. Remind your heart that you are simply in a courtship, or simply dating, or whatever you want to call it. Until you are engaged, you should play it safe. Read More

Sometimes (as in, at least once per day) Lizzie and I get on the phone and philosophize. Both of us are usually in the middle of housework, and as we wash dishes or chisel cheerios off the floor, we talk through the big issues. She tells me about her new three-pronged approach to dealing with whining (complete with a great analogy for driving the point home), and I tell her about our discussions regarding how to give the stink-eye to the 8-year-old boy who tried to hug you at recess. Profitable discussions all round.

And both of us have girls. Lots of girls. Amongst the cousin clan at large there are 10 girls under the age of 10. Which means we think about little-girl issues a lot, and we discuss girl issues a lot. Girls are tricky stuff. There are all kinds of issues and nuances to little-girl interaction that are just plain not there among the little boys. Much goes on beneath the surface in the world of little girls. Complicated, high level stuff!

First of all, if you have two or more girls playing together at any given moment (sisters, homeschool play day, school recess) you are almost guaranteed several things. The first is that there are dirty deeds going down. The second is that if you’re not entirely dialed in and concentrating hard, you’ll miss the whole thing. If you and the other mothers are chatting off on the sidelines drinking your coffee, and you never ask your daughter about what she and other little girls were doing over there under the trees, you’re probably missing some big-league stuff. Basically, in any group of little girls there is likely one or more of them who is honing her manipulation skills to a high art, learning to wield “hurt feelings” with power and agility. If it’s your daughter who is filling that role, you have one thing to work on . . . and if it’s not your daughter, then you have a different thing to work on. Gossip rears its ugly head at a surprisingly early age as well. Third graders are entirely capable of the full-tilt, malicious back stab.

What this boils down to is that we ask our girls questions. Lots and lots of questions. Here’s a general idea of our after-school conversation. Read More

If you have a school-age daughter, or if you are a school-age daughter, I commend this piece my husband whipped up this a.m. called “Warm, Friendly, and Distant.” And it’s for all parents or daughters, whether homeschooling or Christian day schooling.

I promised a while back that I’d write a post for the girls headed off to college, so here it is. I hope it will apply whether you are going away or are living at home while you attend college. And even if you are attending a Christian college, heads up, because there is sin at Christian colleges too.

1. Think like a Christian in class. Don’t be afraid to be identified as a Christian. Many professors will ask leading questions to find out which ones in the class  are the Christians. Don’t back down. Hold your head up. Flunk if necessary. Remember, you are trying to impress God, not your professor.

2. Live like a Christian. If you’re in a dorm or sorority situation, you are living on the front lines. I hope you have been trained well, and you know how to handle yourself. This is no place for beginners. Let everyone know right away that you are a Christian. Don’t keep your head down. Live a holy life, and if you can’t do that in your living situation, move out.

3. Act like a Christian. Don’t cut corners, don’t make allowances or excuses, don’t watch movies or attend parties that you wouldn’t want your parents or your pastor to attend with you. Have high standards and never mind who is offended by them.

4. Choose your friends carefully and don’t fall in with the first people you meet. Get to know everyone, and then make a Read More

Howdy all! So, I’ve been moving the last week, and thus have been out of the loop on all this bikini hoopla that’s been occurring. I’ve just gotten up to speed, and I have something to say. Something that originally came from my husband.

Think of a gorgeous, sleek, expensive, sports car. As it drives past, people notice. And they know that that’s a fast car. Everyone knows it’s a fast car. You can tell a mile away that it’s a fast car. You’d have to be a complete idiot to not know what kind of car it is.

Now picture a jacked up muscle car with the hood off to expose the wildly chromed-out engine. This is the car owner who is so desperate for everyone to notice the size of the engine that he’s going to make an ostentatious show of it. There you have the woman in a bikini. The woman who’s loudly screaming at everyone in this and adjoining counties that she’d like everyone to notice the size of the engine.

Seriously ladies. Which car would you rather be? People seem to think that if they’re not the muscle car then everyone will think they’re slow. But it’s not like we are only given a choice between being a low-class muscle car or a rusted-out Volkswagen Rabbit Pickup. There are more options out there. A Lamborghini doesn’t have to take the hood off. Everyone knows it’s fast.

Be the Lamborghini. (Not the Goat.)

Upon reflection . . . that goat remark may be a little ambiguous. So for anyone who didn’t get it, I have found a helpful visual aid. Here is a goat. (As in, a GTO.)

I had a great question from a dad about what I thought when it comes to taking his sons to the public pool. So after chewing on this and talking with my husband about it (who has a related article over on his blog), I’m ready to tackle this. So here it goes.

If you take your son to the public pool, you had better be teaching him before, during, and after about what is going on with all the nearly naked people splashing about. And you had better make sure that he is getting the lesson and not just studying the subjects.

But if you are not up to it, either because it is such a workout and totally not worth it, then don’t go. Or if  you don’t mind the teaching aspect, but the temptations to look and lust are too great, then stay home.

Sons need to be taught to be leaders. You don’t want sons who just take it all in, or sons who disapprove of it all but still participate in a way hard to distinguish from the ones taking it all in. But if all the girls are wearing immodest swimwear, and if he is hanging out with them as though it doesn’t matter, then he isn’t growing up to be a leader. If he is rebuking them all for their attire, then he is possibly just being a jerk.

The thing you want your son to do is to ignore the girls who are immodestly dressed, especially the Christian girls. And then when they come ask him why he isn’t hanging out with them, he is in a great position to tell them the truth: “Because I don’t want people to think that I am the kind of guy who hangs out with girls dressed like that.”

Hope that helps.