I am proofing a book for my husband which is a commentary on the book of Hebrews. I was working away when I came to this paragraph, which I feel I must share with you all because it is so good and applies to everything, especially as we consider father hunger or mother hunger or other ways we have been wronged in this life. So here is my favorite author, from an upcoming book:

“We are dealing here with deep forgiveness. The Lord Jesus did not come, live a perfect life, die on the cross and come back from the dead in order to dab around the edges of our wound. Our complicity in the sin of Adam, and our continuing screwed-up-ness required a great remedy, which could not be had apart from the work of a great Savior. But remember that Jesus is saving us from our sins, and not merely from the consequences of our sins. And one of the central sins he is saving us from is the sin of the double standard — wanting to receive forgiveness on easy terms, and wanting to extend it with the heart of a stickler for justice. We want to borrow easily, and lend with difficulty. We want our fingers open to receive, and our fist clenched for giving. But Jesus has given us fair warning that we do not receive forgiveness on our terms. Not at all. In the Lord’s prayer, we are taught to say this to God — ‘And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors’ (Matt. 6:12). ‘Dear God, please harbor toward me all the thoughts I harbor toward others.’ Do the words stick in the throat? ‘So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart’ (Matt. 18:21-35). Forgiving others is not optional. This is the very heart of the gospel message.”

I’ve mentioned that I think lots of women have mother hunger. But father hunger is something that may be far more pervasive. The point seems to be that mothers fail and fathers fail. And when they fail in a spectacular way, there can be spectacular results. When mothers fail, daughters grow up without the role model they need. When fathers fail, girls grow up without the masculine leadership they need.

When Dad was absent (because of death, divorce, military duty, etc.) or when Dad was not being a good or godly father, it can affect daughters in multiple ways. Sometimes it can create an insecurity that drives the daughter to look desperately for masculine attention some place, any place, which then can lead to immorality, broken relationships, and an unhealthy desire to please. Or, a daughter growing up without a dad can feel uncomfortable around men, crowded and intimidated, not sure what they are thinking, especially around her.

I’m sure there are many other ways father hunger can harmfully affect women, and there will still be women who survive a fatherless childhood with a strong confidence and healthy outlook nonetheless. The world is a funny place. And since no father on earth can imitate God’s fatherhood perfectly, we all will have an unmet father-need of some kind or other to one degree or another. Since God has built the universe with a Father at the center of it, we will by nature long to enjoy a good relationship with our earthly fathers Read More

The central glory of our faith is that we have a Savior. We are loaded down with sins, shortcomings, failures, bad habits of mind and heart, and an assortment of all kinds of baggage that make us miserable. We are the kind of people who need a Savior, so Christianity is the religion for us. God saves (rescues, delivers) us and makes us into new people.

I love it when my husband mentions from the pulpit that God doesn’t care about our sins. He has forgiven them and He doesn’t care about them any more. He wants us to come to Him and enjoy His presence, leaving our baggage at the door. Forgiveness means that God has cleared the record, He has received us and washed us. He is not interested in remembering how dirty the bathwater was. We are put right, set on our feet, squeaky clean, and allowed to enjoy Him now.

So, it doesn’t much matter what your issues are. Are they sinful issues? Then get in the tub and get washed. No arguing about how weird the dirt is or where it came from or why you got this way in the first place. Spending time analyzing the dirt is a distraction away from the hot, soapy water.

Mankind tripped and fell in Adam, and it was a long fall into all kinds of troubles. Only a kind Savior can haul us out. So look away from yourself, look away from the sin and trouble, and look to Christ. He is the only One who can save, and He saves us to the uttermost.

Sometimes I talk with Christian women who are trying to overcome discontentment when I think it is really grief they are dealing with. It could be the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a wayward child who has left home. It’s helpful to identify what’s really going on in your heart, so you don’t beat yourself up over something you really are not doing.

Discontentment is, at the bottom, a surly attitude toward God, blaming Him instead of thanking Him. It is a refusal to submit to His ways, His doings in the world, particularly those things in your life that are difficult. And discontentment won’t receive comfort. When you try to comfort a discontented person, responses are often things like, “But you don’t know what it is like. You don’t understand. Leave me alone.”

Grief is a different thing all together. Jesus was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. Grieving is not a sin, unless it is indulged to the point where it becomes unhealthy. This is when it can morph into discontentment. A godly grief can even receive clumsy comfort from well-meaning friends. But discontentment doesn’t have grace to extend. Read More

When troubles come, we need to process them like Christian women. Grief over the loss of a loved one is trouble indeed, and it is important for Christian women to take heed to their souls in the midst of such trouble.

We have a Savior, and we believe that He governs the world with wisdom in every last detail. This means that we can rest in His kindness, even (or I should say, especially) in the midst of troubles and griefs.

The Christian woman must consider her grief something she needs to exercise good stewardship over. God has entrusted her with an affliction, a hardship, a trial, or a grief because He loves her and means it for her soul’s good. Therefore, she should seek to honor and glorify God in her troubles.

This requires much faith and courage; it means believing God’s promises. The Puritans are exceptional when it comes to teaching in this area. Not only were they saturated in God’s Word, but they were well practiced in bearing hardships. Consider these few jewels from Samuel Rutherford (a Scots Presbyterian in the Puritan era, one of the commissioners at the Westminster Assembly):

Our best fare here is hunger.

It is our heaven to lay many weights and burdens upon Christ.

Read and spell right, for He knoweth what He doth; He is only lopping and snedding [pruning] a fruitful tree, that it may be more fruitful.

Send a heavy heart up to Christ, it shall be welcome. Read More

Years ago while I was trudging along the sidewalk in crummy weather (melted snow, lots of standing water along the roads), a truck went sailing past me and completely doused me, head to toe, with cold, muddy water.

I remember that very helpless, cold, wet feeling. And I’m afraid at the moment I didn’t see the humor of it. Just imagine if it had been captured on film. We all would laugh! But I didn’t at the time.

But I did learn something that applies to the whole windshield wiper metaphor which someone brought up in a comment. What do we do when someone else covers our windshield with goop? I have a couple of ideas.

One is to move out of range. If I had kept my eye on that truck, I would have jumped the fence, anything to avoid getting soaked. I didn’t see it coming. Now here’s how you can apply this. Keep your eyes peeled. If someone is bitter and wants to pour out all her bitterness, you had better stay out of range. If you are too sympathetic, you may get infected with her bitterness. Pray for protection as she vents. Even if you are giving her good counsel and telling her to confess her own bitterness, you can still get some of it on you if you aren’t careful. Bitterness defiles many. Read More