Sometimes married women without children start wondering if God is punishing them by withholding babies. They may feel guilty for past sins, whether real or imagined. Could be they feel guilty for just assuming they could have babies any time they wanted, or maybe there is an abortion or infidelity or sexual immorality in their past. Whatever the reason, it is easy for them to assume that they don’t deserve the blessing of children and that God is giving them just what they deserve.
The only problem here is that God just isn’t like that. He does punish the evil-doer, that is true. But He forgives those who come to Him in repentance and faith. And His forgiveness is like nothing else on earth. He tosses all remembrance of our sin as far away as it can get. He turns the stains of sin into the color of fresh snow. He doesn’t just forgive; He delights to forgive.
So when you come to realize your own disobedience in the whole area of children, whether it is in your poor attitude or your unfaithfulness or presumption or whatever, confess it to God. Chances are good you already have, countless times. And that is part of the problem. He forgives us and then He doesn’t want to hear about it any more. When we confess the same things over and over, we are in essence saying that we don’t really believe that He has forgiven us. So stop yourself and thank God that He has already done the forgiving.
But realize also that God doesn’t punish His children. Yes, He disciplines, but that is different from punishment. We sometimes suffer the consequences of our own sinful and foolish attitudes and actions. But that is different from punishment. So if you have had a rough past, and now you are forgiven and wanting babies, but God hasn’t sent you any, don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t try to read into what God is doing. Thank Him for His forgiveness, count your many blessings, and trust Him. Trust Him that He knows what He is about when it comes to you. And continue to ask Him for the blessing of children. Just don’t be dragging a bunch of false guilt around behind you when you do.
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I love the distinction between punishment and discipline. Thanks for the reminder!
This is such a good post. I am on the other side now with four children, but I so remember all of the despair and guilt during our 7 years of trying to start a family. I wish I had someone to encourage me this way back then.
Wow! Did you write this for me? I actually just had my second miscarriage in four months on the day you posted this blog. I have, very recently, come out of unfaithfulness to my husband to a better understanding of fighting sin and the truth that God doesn’t deal with man like we deal with man. My merciful husband is actually the one who found your note and had me read it. Thanks be to God for “the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children.” Psalm 103:17 the chapter that helped me through….
Thank you for this reminder! My husband and I are continuing to struggle with infertility (going on 6 years), and I find myself doubting/getting discouraged in this area at times. It also reminds me of how easy it is to “know” what I should do/think, versus what I “do”! Thank you for your ministry!
I know God led me here in a timely manner. My husband and I are grieving the loss of a third miscarriage in just seven short months of marriage (one of the miscarriages was twins, a total of four children).
It does not get easier with each occurrence. It gets harder. The grief is amplified just a bit more each time. And the smallest of remarks can set of a deluge of tears. One of the dear elders in my church merely inquired what I thought of our President elect’s stand on the Freedom of Choice Act was, and I was dissolved into a puddle of tears thinking about all the women and children who will never be the same because of abortion. All of the women who could give life to their children, when here I am wanting so desperately to do the same, and being utterly unable.
And then there are the comments. Any woman who has lost a baby, or is struggling with infertility has heard them. “You have time to have kids, don’t rush,” or, “you can always try again to have another one,” or the one I found just plain cruel, ” I don’t understand why you and your husband are withholding God’s hand of blessing by not having children.”
But I am blessed. With a ministry. I can reach out to my precious sisters who are hurting because I know the sorrows of being broken, and the joys of being made whole. I have a singularly wonderful opportunity to take the time to minister because I have not been called to motherhood, at least not yet.
Nancy Ann, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your post on this!! I am currently suffering my 2nd miscarriage, after 2 months of starting my aspirin regimen for blood clots. I had my 1st miscarriage on 4/20/2012, after 3 years of trying. I know I am blessed with an amazing husband and a family who gives us so much support. Your post helps me know that when the time is right for my husband and I, we will be blessed with our miracle. Thank you.