When women are eager to conceive a child, they must beware a few common temptations. Of course desiring children is a good thing and we ought to ask God for good things. But as you seek the Lord’s blessing of children, don’t lose perspective on the blessing He has already given you, and that is your husband.
A husband can begin to feel pretty beat up if his wife is unhappy about not conceiving. One husband I know of told his wife that he was beginning to feel like a stud service. Now that sounds pretty crude, but it is telling. The marriage bed should be a place of delight and rejoicing, and you don’t want it to become performance oriented. This puts undue pressure on the joys of lovemaking and can make a husband feel like a failure. Even if it is not technically his fault, he can feel responsible for his wife’s unhappiness in not having children.
In some cases, where couples have been “trying” to get pregnant and just getting themselves stressed out, I suggest they just pitch the calendar and the charts and go back to the beginning of simple enjoyment of one another. You want children to be the fruit of your love, not the product of stress and strain.
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Good advice of “just pitching the calender and the charts and go back to the beginning of simple enjoyment of one another.” How often it is when young married couples who decide that it is time to have children end up in Panicville because the wife doesn’t conceive within the first week. Children are a blessing from God. May our young couples learn to wait upon the Lord and learn to enjoy His blessings as well as each other in all matters of life both public and private.
Another reason to pitch the calendar:
Scientifically, stress can actually make women chemically “hostile” to sperm. The more relaxed we are, the more likely we are to conceive. I think it’s God’s way of teaching us to trust him and enjoy what He has already given us more. 😉
As a young married woman, I find it essential for me to remember that all blessings are given in God’s perfect timing (and there’s nothing I can do about it! ;-)) Why worry?
Abra, I find your first statement interesting… in particular the use of the word “hostile.” While trying to conceive our first child, we began testing to find out why it wasn’t happening. I was told I had “hostile” mucous and given estrogen to take upon the next cycle to see if that would improve matters. Knowing that I couldn’t conceive, I didn’t stress so much about it that cycle, and…. there wasn’t another cycle–I was pregnant! I’ve been given other explanations for why that occurred, but this is the first I’ve heard confirming the “hostile mucous” statement by my doctor. Could you direct me to any sources that further discuss this? My curiosity is piqued!
Billie, sure. I’ve found the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler to be very helpful in understanding the subject. I had a similar experience with my daughter (now 23 months old) which made me curious to the science of the thing. Blessings.
Thanks, Abra! 🙂