With each new video of the Planned Parenthood atrocities, though I find myself stricken speechless, I thank God that I have a greater sense of the tremendous guilt that rests on this country. The blood guilt stretches from sea to shining sea. And I wonder about all those millions of individuals who are living under this load of personal guilt. You know, they are everywhere. “Another boy” (you know, the one on the petri dish) has a mother somewhere, and God knows her name. And she is guilty. And that little dismembered child has a father as well. And God knows his name and will hold him accountable.
You can’t have millions upon millions of abortions without there being millions upon millions of the guilty. And I wonder if that might be one of the reasons (maybe) that so many Christians haven’t yet spoken up. Is it because they have had some share in this sometime, some way? Maybe you are one of those. Maybe you have had an abortion. Or two. Maybe you encouraged a friend or a sister or a daughter to abort their child. Maybe you even paid the bill, made the appointment, promised not to tell.
Each time we see more of the carnage on the videos, the more real the pain is for all of us. And let me tell you, that is a good sign. If you feel sick, that means you are well. If it doesn’t make you ill, then you are sick indeed, and unforgiven sin is a deadly sickness. Just because something is legal, does not mean it is right or good or lawful. And your conscience can’t be soothed when you tell yourself you didn’t break the law. Abortion breaks God’s law, and that is where the guilt comes from.
Hardness of heart has brought this insensibility about. And we know that for the millions of women who have had abortions, in spite of the hardness, there is a deep sadness, whether they acknowledge it or not. For the Christians who have sought and received forgiveness, they can still feel the pain of regret and misery, particularly now with the “war-torn” little bodies exposed.
But for you who have been forgiven, remember that you really are forgiven. God doesn’t dab around the edges with forgiveness. He heals the entire wound. Jesus never healed anyone halfway. Each was made whole. For some of you who have sought His forgiveness and received it, this might be the time to tell your story. Many are doing this now, and God is using the story of their sin and His forgiveness. He turns ashes into beauty, and He is the only One who can. Sharing your story may be part of your own healing, and it may be the beginning of the healing for someone else. The Gospel is the only thing that can ever put the guilty heart right.
The wonderful thing about these videos is how God has used it to turn over a very big rock, and we have seen all the creepy things that were thriving under there all these years. We need to put them to death. Abortion needs to die. And even if our government doesn’t change any laws, God can change hearts, millions of hearts, so that abortion clinics die from lack of business.
If ever there was a clear opportunity to talk about forgiveness, now is the time. Jesus died for sinners. Bad sinners. He offers the only way of restoration. Man is terribly broken, but God has provided a means of restoration through Christ, who died and bled, was buried and rose from the grave. Our country is deep in the grave, and it needs a resurrection. Christians: speak up and speak out. Tell the good news, even if it means telling your own story of death first. But tell it as forgiven, new people, born again out of death into life. Tell it as a victory because it is.
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Wonderful! Thanks for writing this!
I posted this on my FB page today:
In the early 80’s I worked at a hospital where abortions were performed, and I assisted abortion patients. If you have blood on your hands as I do, there is redemption and forgiveness in Jesus Christ. Through repentance and faith in Christ, his blood will wash away the stains of the blood of the innocents. Abortion is the taking of a human life. please don’t deny this or pretend it is something else. Confess and be healed.
Bless you, Anna. And thank you!
I had two abortions in 1979. . .while I was a Bible-believing Christian 18-year old. I understood that life began at conception, but I didn’t understand that life had value (there may have been a few gaps in my education.) Nor did I understand that God is God, and I am not. It wasn’t my desire to have an abortion but the guy (who I thought I was engaged to. . .there were a LOT of gaps in my education, (that is, I failed to recognize many lies,)) didn’t offer to marry me (now instead of later,) after all, but he did offer to pay for half of the abortion.
I did confide in a Christian woman who took me to her “wonderful Christian doctor” but I felt so much judgment emanating from his nurse when she gave me the results of the pregnancy test that I felt as though I’d been kicked into a pit–over which Satan was salivating. At this point, I really did feel that I didn’t have any other options (my family situation was not good–I’m pretty much the poster child for Planned Parenthood,) so I went to them. I didn’t even ask about options, just said I was pregnant and wanted an abortion. The woman I spoke to was kind. They didn’t perform abortions at that clinic but I was given a list. Pretty back alley stuff–no records, cash only–but no judgment–I have to say, I did not feel judgment from any of them.
They DID lie to me. But they were kind and not judgmental.
And I didn’t feel guilty or condemned by God, either. Maybe a little separated from Him, but that separation didn’t start with the abortion.
It wasn’t until I had my first child (which I was very grateful to be allowed to have,) that I began to understand what I’d done from a human (my loss) perspective, but I still couldn’t understand why, if people miscarry all the time, an abortion at 6-7 weeks was such a big deal? (I definitely would have drawn the line at anything past the first trimester. Which doesn’t make it any better.) Finally I asked God, and I felt like He just said, “It’s not your decision to make.”
And then I got pregnant again only when I had the ultrasound at 12 weeks, they couldn’t find the baby. And somehow that combination of my body working so hard to maintain a life that wasn’t even there, the loss of a baby I’d wanted, and my new understanding that I wasn’t God, broke me. I laid myself out before God, stricken with grief; I asked for God’s forgiveness–and I felt Him lift that burden off me.
But that doesn’t mean I haven’t paid a price.
I’ve never hidden this part of my life, but it’s not something I’ve advertised, either. Until these videos came out. And then I posted it on my FB page. And now here, because I do think that we need to speak up. That. . .God forgives, but He wants us to allow Him to use our unfortunate experiences for good, and while I think that can happen even if we don’t share our stories–maybe we become more compassionate or try to help in other contexts (I tried to get on at a Crisis Pregnancy Center but it didn’t work out, so I volunteered as a parent mentor and as with a sexual assault resource center,)–there comes a time when we need to come out of the shadows–and that time is now.
I am not capable of even beginning to comprehend the magnitude of the lie we’ve bought into, and I can’t begin to envision how this can be “fixed” (apart from widespread repentance and turning away from our sin–and I’m not feeling that that’s how we’re trending as a nation yet,) but how do I know what God can or will do? If adding my voice adds some traction, then here it is.
Thank you.
It’s good to come here and hear an outlook of hope. I’ve been feeling really discouraged because my whole self-professed-Christian family thinks that the videos were all a “hoax” and that “PP does good” and that this has all been a ploy for republicans to steal power. I tried to talk to them but they thought I was shilling for the republican party so now they aren’t speaking to me. Oh well I haven’t lost much I guess. I will continue to pray that God will change their hearts, mainly with regard to their own salvation and walk with Christ.
I am so thankful I came across this post because I have definitely been battling condemnation although I know that I am forgiven. In all reality I still have to live with the consequences of my choice but God has taken my abortion and has used it in ways I could never have imagined.
I had an abortion my senior year in high school. I was about a month along but was told “it” was just a blob of tissue and just a size of a pea. I remember the nurse saying it’s really nothing. I knew I would regret doing this but I did it out of fear and thinking my boyfriend would leave me which he ended up doing anyway.
God came in rescued my heart while I was in college. Shortly there after I started working for a crisis pregnancy center. I was able to share my story to thousand upon thousands of kids each year. It was definitely healing for me.
What was the most healing was 10 years after I had that abortion the boyfriend that left me came back to me to apologize. Not only did he apologize but God had rescued his heart as well! We have now been married for 6 years and have 4 beautiful children. God is a redeeming God! I still cry when I share our story. God has been and continues to be so gracious! I do pray for those who have endured abortion that you would find peace in Jesus Christ because he is the only one that can set you free!
Thank you! On my blog I share a lot about my abortion, the heartache afterwards, & my healing. http://ashleysigrest.com
I do think many Christians keep quiet because they know there is blood on their hands. A lot of the time, though, I don’t think it’s the abortion that they had or participated in that they’d like to forget.
It’s every time they’ve been less than Christlike to another pregnant teenager, another single mother, another tired wife with more kids than she can cope with in that moment, another family fighting to put food on the table, another parent struggling with a special-needs child.
When we judge all those people (and yes, I have seen it; the most Christlike people I know avoid church because they’re sick of it), what we say is, in effect, “God may love you, but I do not.” What we say, in effect, is, “If you want fellowship, you must keep up the illusion of perfect righteousness.” When we judge all those people and vomit out anti-Christ poison about their sin, instead of helping them climb out of it and become righteous as Jesus would have done, what we teach them is that, regardless of what we preach, what is real is that a quiet abortion and a pretty lie is more acceptable than the sometimes loud, tearful, muddy, inappropriate, needy, inconvenient, ugly, annoying, time-consuming truth.
The next time we want to speak in judgment and condemnation, perhaps we should shut our mouths and hold out our hands instead.
Instead of saying, “It’s your own fault for the sin of fornication,” how about saying, “I will help you raise your child. Out of the darkness, God can bring light. I will help you kindle that light. I will help you bear the responsibility of keeping it burning. Please don’t kill your child.”
Instead of blaming it all on that single mother’s singleness, remember that you don’t know how she got there. Maybe she’s a feminist pig– and maybe he beat her or was a serial cheater. Maybe he threw her away instead of fixing his own problems. Maybe he died. Even if she is a foul feminazi pig (or was once), God forgives and we should too. Say, “I could watch your kids while you’re working overtime.” “If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.” “We could get coffee.” Condemnation only leaves people feeling as if they have no-one but the Devil to turn to, only entrenches sin.
Instead of chastening that worn-out mother with a couple of verses, say “I know it’s hard some times.” “I’ve been there too.” “Would you like to come over for coffee??” “I’ll watch you kids while you mow tomorrow, and maybe you can watch my kids while I paint next Tuesday.” “We’ll clean your house together today, and we’ll tackle my basement together on Friday.”
Instead of telling them that the Lord would provide if only they worked harder and had more faith, bring over something to eat. It doesn’t have to be a porterhouse steak. Rice and beans and oatmeal and peanut butter go a long, long way. Maybe you could roll up your collective sleeves and fellowship while learning to make bread together?? Maybe you could bring over your kids’ hand-me-down clothes– and let it be just part of life??
Instead of complaining about the noise that Downs kid makes in Sunday service, maybe you could get to know the family and take a turn sitting outside with her when she becomes disruptive. Maybe you could become another teacher, another reason that she does one day in God’s own time learn to behave appropriately in church. She has to learn somehow, and it’s not going to happen if she’s sequestered at home until she’s learned. It doesn’t work like that. Maybe you don’t have the resources for that– could you make eye contact with her mother and smile?? She’ll remember it next Sunday, as she struggles once again to come up with the courage to take her daughter to church (the grocery store, WalMart, the doctor’s office, where-ever).
Instead of proclaiming that conditions like ADHD and autism are nothing more than excuses for bad parenting, maybe you could acknowledge that they’re real, that some kids are going to take more time, more failures, more effort, and more teaching to learn to sit quietly in church, to think about what they’re doing, to understand the million minute and variable rules of social interaction that the rest of us follow without even thinking about it. They’ll get there– it’s just going to take more time and more work. They WILL get there– and they’ll remember the kindness of every person who held out a hand and said, “I know it’s hard. I understand. Try it this way. You will learn– and I love you right now.”
I don’t say that last in ignorance. I am the autistic mother of an ADHD child (probably two– we’ll find out when our middle daughter starts school in the fall; whether she gets a diagnosis or not hinges on how she handles that experience). I remember the kindness of every person who ever took the time to explain to me how to socialize properly and why it needed to be done in that way. I remember the Christlike patience of every person who accepted me when I was an awkward little girl who always seemed to get it wrong. Those people gave me the chance to get it right, eventually– and the desperately needed confidence to believe that one day I would.
I remember the loving humanity of every person who’s looked at my son and said, “He’s a good boy” or “It just takes time” or “Hang in there, Mama, he’ll grow.” I remember the first-grade teacher who pointed out his strengths, who said he was smart and good and clearly trying, when I’d given up and decided that the way to raise the child was to beat and belittle the ADHD out of him. Those people rekindle the light of hope I hold in front of me as I teach my son to keep still, to wait his turn, to defer gratification, to put effort into things that provide no immediate reward, to take the time to read and think about directions, to think first and act second. It’s a long, long road– but with love and patience and teaching, he’ll get there. Someday. I did– it just took 25 years.
I also remember every person who spat, and scorned, and criticized, and turned their backs. I remember how much they hurt the people who took the time and trouble to raise me. I remember their words; sometimes those words have played in my head and made it very hard not to strike or belittle or give up on my son. For that matter, sometimes they’ve made it hard to remember not to treat my “normal” daughters in the same way.
Sometimes those words have played in my head and left me wishing my mother had had an abortion– or thinking that, if I were responsible, I would have had an abortion myself.
Thank you for sharing. God bless.
Ladies, I have been both humbled and ashamed of myself reading this and the comments. To all you women who are frank and honest about this, thank you for sharing. It has become a light shining on my own sin. The sin of discontent.
I have never had an abortion, but I am pregnant with my 6th.
Another mouth to feed, another uncomfortable pregnancy, fear of going through the labor process, more of “you know how this happens? “(if I hear that one more time!!). All pretty petty things because this was another unplanned pregnancy. I also just found out I am having another girl. This will be my fifth daughter. Again bitter disappointment. Earlier in my pregnancy I am ashamed to admit that I would be ok with a miscarriage and then going through all the guilt of having that fleeting thought.
As I type this, tears are streaming down my face and my little one inside is kicking me. A gentle reminder that even though this was not on my time – she was created by God and she is on HIS time! Praise the Lord! I forget sometimes that being a fruitful vine is good and that children are a blessing, not a curse as the world would love to make you think
Thank you again for all the sharing. My own confession may seem nothing, but reading this is what my selfish heart needed. Now I must go dig out my baby girl clothes from storage and paint my nursery (and heart) a cheerful shade of pink!!!
I am just curious what Christians are you talking about? Are you talking about the Christians leaders who has a voice on the radio and television? And/or people like me who are serving God at home or in non public ways? My husband and I have heard many Christians speaking up about the gruesome abortion videos: Focus on the Family, World and Everything In It, Al Mohler, etc. . . Are there specific people you want to speak up? Or what do you what them to say?
I just want to say I read your blog all the time:) and I enjoy it. Thank you!
Thank you for giving us the privilege of seeing God’s grace manifested in so many of these stories in the comments here, and beyond. May God be glorified and may His people be uplifted, seeing how His blood washes our stains white as snow through His Son. Amen.
When I was 19 or 20 I had an abortion…I knew it was wrong but I was in love with a guy who did not want this baby. I did it for him. about 7 months later we got pregnant again and had yet another abortion. 2 babies…I carried this guilt with me for over 20 years. Raised as a Christian, I never had a strong personal relationship with Christ. We found a church where I could FEEL the Holy Spirit the second I walked in the door. There, I learned that I have to repent this to Jesus and BELIEVE that He has forgiven me. It is a sin to dwell on our sin after asking for forgiveness. Although I think about what was done, I no longer dwell on this and hold it heavy on my heart. Someday, I will meet my children because I KNOW I am forgiven for what I have done. I am 40 years old now with 4 amazing children…we have been through a lot and this gal is the most blessed mom in the universe.
Glory to our Living Lamb, the Lion of Judah! Our Jehovah Jesus, the One who sees every person as precious, womb or test tube now to tomb.
Thank you so much for this brave, insightful, thought provoking article.
We do have blood on our hands as a nation. May the LORD forgive us and continue to show mercy AND send a spirit of real repentance.
I have been encouraged not only by these brave souls who filmed these brutal clinicians as they described their horrific crimes on camera, I have been encouraged by so many people speaking up as to the wrongness of the acts and attitudes. and calling for the defunding of Planned Parenthood.
Thank you to all you dear ladies, moms, who shared your stories.
There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. He forgives us of all our unrighteousness, cleanses us too….and heals us. Sometimes it takes time, be patient with Him and yourself.
I am blessed to be mom to our 3 sons, all grownup men now. I never had an abortion. However, I did care for some women, as an RN in a busy L & D unit, who were laboring thru abortions. I’d never start one, never even assist with starting one. However, as an RN, who cared for people in Jesus Name, I was compelled to care for these women in need of skilled care and compassion.
One day I cared for two women. Both were having her 4th babe. No living children. Both didn’t expect living baby this time. Both were same age and the babes were 20-22 weeks.
The First Lady labored quietly with her devoted hubby at her side. She was awake and mercifully delivered without pain meds quickly and without complication. He had died in the womb a couple weeks before so this was a concern. The next hour I was the quiet witness to their love for this little guy. Telling him hello and goodbye, as they shared the dreams they wouldn’t see this side of heaven. Then we heard a bloodcurdling scream from the next room.
I went in to the other lady who was wide awake, looking down between her legs in horror, screaming “it’s alive! He’s supposed to be dead! And I should be asleep!”
In those days, we’d give heavy doses of multiple meds to let the mom ‘sleep’ thru the labor and delivery of abortion, however it wasn’t always effective. This lady woke up during her 4 th abortion. Plus, her little guy survived the saline abortion for 3 hours of agony. He is the little guy I was able to walk over to the NICU for hospice care.
Afterward, I went into the change room for the nurses and cried my heart and eyes out to G-D. ‘How can one little guy by loved, cherished, wanted and mourned and the other little guy be treated like trash? Even the neonatologist tried to get me to leave him in the dirty utility room until he died ‘since no one wanted him. No one cared about him.’ Our gracious, lovingkindness filled, merciful, comforting G-D said ‘I care’….then I heard that sweet little song in my head that I’d learned in Sunday School….Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world….
All the commenters touched me, had me prayerfully pondering the article and asking Poppa to help each one of us hear Him clearly and do whatever He asks us to, whatever He prompts in our core, however MC, your thoughts, insights, got me writing…I too have seen and heard well meaning, poorly trained believers judge, speak the truth without the slightest bit of love or care or tenderheartedness…or just be too busy to do the least little thing.
Heaven help us repent of that.
Jeannette! Glory girl! Way to show us how or repent! Many blessings to you and your sweet growing family.