Many years ago I read a book by Walter Trobisch on marriage, and I think the title was something like I Loved a Girl. I remember very well a quote of his. It went something like this: “There is not a man on earth who can satisfy the heart of a woman.” I reflected on that quite a bit, and I am pretty sure it is true, true, true. A mere man who is made of flesh and blood simply does not have the capacity to satisfy the heart of a woman. It is impossible. A woman’s heart is created by God, and it is a mysterious thing (a real piece of work). So it makes sense that only He, the Creator God, can really fill, satisfy, complete, and meet the needs of a woman’s heart. This is important for women in all stations of life to chew on.The unmarried woman must realize that even though a husband is a tremendous gift from God, she cannot expect a husband to meet her deepest needs (whatever they are). Only God can do that, and He does it whether she is married or not.
The engaged woman has to get a good hold on this idea before she is married, otherwise she is setting herself up to be bitterly disappointed as she makes unrealistic demands on her new husband.
And obviously the married woman must grip this important truth, or else she will find herself being critical and self-absorbed. Only God Himself can fill the needs that He created in a woman’s heart.
I don’t think women themselves can understand their own needs for affection, affirmation, security, and love. So how on earth can women expect a fallen man to satisfy those needs that she herself can’t figure out? What a relief to get this straight.
This does not mean that a woman does not need a man. Oh no. Far from it. But she cannot look for a man to do what only the omnipotent One can do. A husband can do many things. But he cannot know all his wife’s needs, he cannot be there every time she needs him, he cannot say the “right” things, do the “right” things, all at the “right” time, and be the perfect supplier of all her wants and desires. A husband is not the Holy Spirit. He cannot save. He cannot justify.
Women are famous for complaining that, “My husband just isn’t meeting all my needs.” Welcome to the universe! Of course your husband isn’t doing that. I don’t think he is supposed to. The problem comes from 1) thinking that he can in the first place 2) assuming that a limited creature can do what only the omnipotent God can do, and 3) being so very focused on your needs at all instead of on your calling as your husband’s helper.
Here’s a novel idea to consider: How in the world am I as a wife going to meet all my husband’s needs? How many women really grapple with that one? When we let go of how well we are being loved, and focus on our beloved, we are set free from many things that distract and disappoint us.