So I must be hard up for a blog post or I would not dream of wading into the heavy waters of the topic of modesty. But I’ve got my hip waders on, so here I go. I’m not going to be discussing what immodesty looks like because, let’s face it, everyone already knows that immodesty is wearing something that is too short, too tight, too low, or just too revealing. My topic here is what the other Christian women should do when a Christian sister is dressed immodestly.
Unfortunately, there will always be some Christian women who are dressing immodestly, even at church. Why do they do it, we all ask. I suggest that there are three motivations behind immodesty. The first is ignorance. They just don’t know. Most of the time, I don’t buy that one, but just to cover all the bases, it is possible that the girl with the knock-out figure doesn’t know what she is doing wearing that clingy thing. So let’s just include that one to be fair.
The second motivation is insecurity and the neediness that grows from such insecurity. This woman dresses immodestly because she is hungry for attention, and she knows the quickest way to get it. When she dresses this way, lots and lots of people look at her, particularly idiot boys.
The third motivation is pride. She knows she is a knock-out, and she wants to flaunt it. Why not? It’s legal. Kind of like driving a hot sports car around, just to show off.
There is a variant of those three motivations above, and that is when women are confused into thinking they are gorgeous, though no one else may share the opinion. These women dress immodestly out of ignorance, insecurity, or pride also. But although the motivation is the same, the effect is not admiration, but shock or disgust. When attractive women dress immodestly, they can stumble the men into lust and annoy the women; when unattractive women dress immodestly, they just embarrass everyone.
When Christian women are dressing immodestly, they should know better. The Bible tells women to dress in modest apparel, in a way that “becometh women professing godliness.” In other words, a Christian woman ought to dress in a manner that is consistent with calling herself a Christian. She should look and dress like a godly woman. Why dress like you love the devil if you really love God? That sounds easy enough.
But what if a sweet woman in the Christian community is dressing immodestly, not just occasionally, but regularly? Should someone speak to her? Should you speak to her? In issues like this, it is essential that the lines of authority are honored. If someone’s daughter is dressing inappropriately, then perhaps the parents should be asked about it. If someone’s wife is dressing immodestly, then perhaps her husband should hear about it. But no matter what, the women in the church should not take it upon themselves to be the modesty police, handing out citations to any girls or women whom they feel have crossed the line.
Why in the world would a woman want to speak to another woman about her inappropriate dress? I can think of three motivations: ignorance, insecurity, and pride. Ignorance, because they do not know their place nor the impact they are going to have on this unsuspecting, immodestly dressed woman. Insecurity, because oftentimes the women who are most offended by the immodest dress are insecure about their own appearance and feel threatened by immodesty. And pride because they feel competitive with the immodest woman and want to put her in her place.
Now I am not saying that the women who do the drive-by modesty rebukes are aware of their own motivations. They may think they have a righteous anger or that they are exercising some spiritual gift that is not listed in the Bible. But I tell you, their own sin may be worse than the immodesty. What does God hate more, stupid immodesty or self-righteousness parading as piety?
So now you’re going to say, then who can speak to a woman about her dress? Parents certainly should. Sometimes other family members mayÂ have the opportunity. A boss in the workplace can object to an employee’s inappropriate dress. A teacher has jurisdiction over her students. But it can be ineffective and unwise to simply take it upon yourself to address the issue whenever you see it. You certainly need to consider the rhetoric involved. And it is doubly counter-productive if older, unattractive, dumpy women are criticizing the young, attractive women for their immodesty. No matter what the motive, they will come across either as envious or as busy-bodies. There are other, better ways to deal with this.
Let’s say you and your husband have some friends you like to spend time with, but the wife is usually dressed inappropriately.Â Then you as a couple can agree not to spend time with them anymore. Now when they ask why you don’t like to go out with them anymore, you have an opening to explain it. (Of course there is always the possibility that the other wife will flatter herself into thinking that she is so gorgeous that she stumbles your husband, when she is actually just an annoyance to him.) Or if you have a girlfriend who dresses immodestly, you can do the same thing. Next time she wants to go to the mall, you can say no thanks. And when she asks why, you can explain that it is because of the way she dresses. Of course there is still the danger that you will be written off as jealous or as a fuddy duddy. But at least you have acted prudently and wisely and you waited for your opportunity. After all, you were asked about it.
Some women feel they should protect their sons and husbands from seeing immodest women, so they take it upon themselves to shield them from ever seeing anything inappropriate. But this is impossible. Husbands don’t need that kind of protection because it doesn’t work. Sons need to be taught to defend themselves. Mom cannot do this for them.
So if a woman is really indecent, let’s say in church, then you should speak first to your husband or parents about it. They may think you are being a fusser. Don’t head off to give this woman a piece of your mind. If it is really egregious, then perhaps your husband or father should take it to the elders, and the pastor can address it. But women who have high views of modesty should also have equally high views of lines of authority and high views of the golden rule. I can easily imagine a scenario where the pastor would need to do something about the lady in his congregation who is rebuking those she deems immodest. She may actually be a bigger problem than the immodesty.
One of the most frequent questions I get asked when discussing topics of godliness is this: “But what do I do about my friend/sister/cousin/co-worker/mother/neighbor who is not doing this?” We love to figure out how we should get other people to apply the Bible to their lives rather than being content to work on applying it to our own. But that is simply a distraction to get us into trouble. Be patient. Many women have grown out of immodesty into wisdom. Others have grown out of fussing into wisdom. Maybe you are one of them.
43 thoughts on “Modesty Issues”
“We love to figure out how we should get other people to apply the Bible to their lives rather than being content to work on applying it to our own.” YUP! And if you ask me, that’s one of the reasons why some women do not mature spiritually or mature slowly, they are too busy looking at someone else instead of themselves. This is also important to teach our daughters, especially when they use another person’s sin or foolishness to excuse their own.
This is excellent, Nancy. A lot of what you wrote reminds me of some stuff in Timothy Keller’s “The Prodigal God.”
What a great, timely post, as the temperatures climb and the clothing decreases, Nancy. Thanks for the balance you bring to this. There are other areas in which this can be brought to bear…our tendancy to want to fix others while ignoring our own painfully glaring need to apply the Word to ourselves.
I wonder what you think about a scenario where the Pastor asks a Godly woman (elder or deacon’s wife) to approach a lady about such an issue. Do you think it is preferable for the Pastor/Elder/Deacon to speak directly to the woman’s husband or father?
I know my husband has told me at work, that when he has situations like this with female staff, he calls on a trusted female supervisor to have the discussion. I think he worries that it could be conceived as inappropriate for him to have that kind of discussion with a female staff member. Ideally, he doesn’t want to have *any* discussions about immodesty with his female workers! Your thoughts are appreciated.
Amen, amen, and amen! I have witnessed terrible things happen because some women took it upon themselves to be the “modesty police”–most likely for a combination of all three of the reasons you mention.
I agree overall, and way too often are the lines of authority and respect overlooked or just ignored- but I think we can’t leave out the implications of Titus 2, which instructs the older women to teach the younger women such things as chastity and discretion, and Gal. 6:1, which instructs the spiritually mature to restore those who are having spiritual issues.
The problem is that EVERYONE thinks THEY are spiritually mature enough to correct others, they do not ‘consider themselves’, they aren’t acting in meekness and fear, and they are not taking to heart the prerequisite of being a good example *before* being able to teach others. The Modesty Police may be wearing ‘modest’ clothing, but they seldom have a modest attitude. In my experience they are usually the loudest, bossiest, most obnoxious women in the room, and nothing about that is modest or discreet.
Most of the time, however, words are not needed. When we ourselves are good examples of modest behavior and apparel, and we have a visibly loving spirit towards others, our sisters in Christ can either learn from that quiet example, or they will feel comfortable coming to us for insight and help into these matters.
Great post! Thank you.
What a wonderful post. Thank you so much, Mrs. Wilson, for sharing your wisdom!
You speak the truth with such love!
I’m totally getting your message here. What has me sort of wondering is…. what about the mandates in scripture to show our brother(sister) their sin? Or the church discipline model of matthew 18… go to her one-on-one, and if she does not repent, and so on…. or does that not apply in this case? I thought for sure that is what we’re supposed to be doing… (although it is tough to call someone out).. going to one another , helping them see their sin? For Christ’s sake and their sake? Not to be prideful & selfish. Maybe I’m way off 🙂 In my church, it’s more of the approach of going right to the person and saying something like “I’m not sure if youre aware of this but…”. As a young woman, my friends and I have struggled with “how do you let someone know they are dressing inappropriately, ESPECIALLY at church? I mean, no one wants to have that conversation. Except my friends and I try to be open to one anothers’ rebuke. Such as “Hey your bra strap shows in that shirt”, and not being sensitive if someone calls you out, and so on… I thought that was ok? We’ll say we don’t want the men in the church to stumble and are trying to protect them by bringing to the woman/girl’s attention their dress (or lack of).
Sometimes those “opportunities” are golden when the friend really is a little ignoramus about something that is so obvious to the world and his dog.
I once arrived at friend’s house with an armload of clothes, feeling like nothing in the world worked for me. My plan was to try on clothes, and prove that nothing suited me.
After trying on the endless pile, I lamented along the lines of, “See! Nothing works. I have so much trouble finding clothes to fit. I either have to look like a prairie muffin or a flirt.”
The sweet friend seized that opening, and suggested a good bra fitting, and assured me that that would make everything work. Whew! It did work and what a blessing to me that comment was. Thanks Rach!
First of all, the Matthew 18 passage says, if someone sins against you, you should go to them. In this case the immodest woman may be sinning, but not directly against you.
Regarding your second point: Of course if you have a group of friends who want to let you know if your slip is showing, that is great. But the kind of immodesty I am concerned about is not the occasional bra strap showing. I would not consider that immodest anyway, unless it was done deliberately. I can’t imagine a loose strap stumbling a brother (maybe a twelve year old).
But if you go to a woman and say, hey, maybe you did not realize that you are fallling out of your dress, and you’re in the choir, so you’re falling out of your dress in front of the whole congregation? Of course, she already knows that. She put it on in the first place. That is the kind of instance that will require some wisdom and care. I am not saying that the immodesty should not be addressed at all. I am saying that we should go to the proper person first, and we should not all assume it is our duty to do the confronting. Imagine even a dozen ladies all piling on her after church. Possibilities of manifold troubles.
Hope that answers your concerns.
Whew! This is a sticky subject, and God bless you for handling it so delicately. We have a gal in our circle of friends who is a godly woman, great wife & mom, and happens to be “well-endowed.” I truly believe she geniunely doesn’t realize that there’s times (when she bends down, for instance), when she’s wearing the wrong blouse, that a whole lot of cleavage is showing. One of our male friends approached me about it and I offered to gently and tactfully broach the subject with her should it happen again.
Also, I think that given the fashions of the day it’s easy to not see certain styles as immodest anymore. This article convicted me to re-think some wardrobe choices–are they truly modest, or modest “in comparison”? I’m not one to wear full-lenth skirts and turtlenecks, so finding appropriate clothing that’s attractive and still modest can be a challenge sometimes.
I need help with this! I didn’t realize that modern Christians considered sleeveless dresses, shorts, tshirts, jeans, pants of any kind, a neckline that shows the collarbone, etc., etc. immodest until I started homeschooling 5 years ago. I had been raised with, “God created the human body, so flaunt it if you’ve got it!” My husband isn’t much help, because other than obvious things (going without a bra, short shorts, super tight tshirts) he doesn’t get the debate that goes on about modesty. Homeschooling has been an awesome tool that the Lord has used to teach me about a lot of things. My brother, who is a graduate of Moody Bible Institute, had told me that there is a lot of misinformation in the evangelical churches, and I didn’t believe him until I delved into the homeschool world via Veritas Press. I’ve been shocked at my lack of knowledge of Scripture and theology, even though I was raised within the Body of Christ. Any books, Scriptures, other helps that you could recommend? The high was 105 in Austin today. I’d really rather not wear petticoats and long sleave shirts. But I’m really concerned about this subject.
Thank you, Nancy… that helps. 🙂
It is obvious that your posts are Spirit led. Thank you for being a listener to Him.
Are you aware of a teen program named “Pure Fashion?” It is wonderful!
I would heartily recommend Diane Vaughn’s book The Beauty of Modesty. It is biblical, well done, and not uptight about fussy regulations and rules. I know that there are Christian cultures with no-pants-for-women expectations. And though I have no problem with them adopting a rule like that for themselves, it is a problem when they become imperialistic about it. They think jeans or shorts or sleeveless shirts are immodest in principle, and I would agree that some jeans, some shorts, or some sleeveless shirts could be immodest, depending on how tight or short or revealing they are. So you see, this requires wisdom!
This post and the comments certainly begs the question, “What Then Should We Wear?”
The commentor above makes an important point when she says that this subject requires wisdom. One of your commentors mentioned that the homeschool community introduced her to some very legalistic sounding rules about modesty. I’m a homeschooler, too, and lost my sense of who I am in Christ for a while due to some of the legalism in the homeschool community (and not just there).
At this moment I am sitting in a nice v-neck sleevless top, with a tank top underneath and long flowing skirt. I love my outfit and my husband finds it very attractive. I look put-together and pretty. And I am well covered, in my opinion and my husband’s.
Thank you so much for the recommendation and advice!
I loved this post and it couldn’t have come at a better time. My 5 year old has started noticing what people wear and if it’s cut clear to there. This will help in further explaining to her it is not our job to tell so & so how to dress.
Thank you very, very much for both of the warnings in this post! As a young woman surrounded by other young women, I actually find very few in our particular community who have trouble grasping the concept of modesty. On the other hand, there is a sad tendency for girls to use ‘modesty’ as an instrument of power, by cutting down other girls with remarks about their clothing.
I’ve really struggled as I see this happening in my circles of acquaintence. Though it hasn’t happened to me personally, I couldn’t put my finger on what was exactly ‘wrong’ with the situation. So thank you for exposing the ditch on the other side of the road, which can sometimes be a far nastier problem! And also thank you, Susan R. I think your solution – to lead by quiet example – is great advice!
As a mother of five daughters we have dealt with the modesty issue extensively, did I say extensively, exhaustively.
I enjoyed writing about it on our blog and got it out of my system!
We have had input from others over the years times 5. And modesty, like every other Christian concept is fleshed out in very creative and different ways which doesn’t automatically equal immodest. That is the beauty of Christianity. That is the beauty of five daughters with different tastes and ideas. That is the beauty of real Christians dealing with modesty.
Dressing appropriately really is a heart issue and since children have parents to care for them concerning matters of the heart it seems their dress code should be primarily the parents’ responsibility.
We have sons too who will have to be taught to sometimes look the other way understanding we live in a fallen world and that’s their job.
thank you for your post. emily w told me about the post and thread and i appreciate it. there are some women that sadden me in our church and yet for some reason i had not approached them or even been able to tell why i hadn’t yet. i see now i was exercising wisdom. it is not my role. i like the openings you suggested.
i will check out the book you suggested.
Thank you Mrs. Wilson for the insight and helpful words. This is a wonderful discussion for Christian women to have in the appropriate setting. Thanks for braving the “heavy waters” to share your wisdom.
HA! I had a woman approach me after church this am and remark about a twentysomething year old’s TIGHT dress and her concern for her poor ole hubby having to look at “that”. I knew I didn’t want to talk w/the offender as “Hot pants” has 1. been through the modesty class, 2. I think she’s aware of what she’s wearing and 3. I’m not sure she’s a sincere believer as evidenced by a lack of fruit–so I don’t really think another talk is going to convince her of the need to change her manner of dress.
I wasn’t sure though what to say to the woman with the problem. I didn’t want to lie to her and say I’d speak to the gal and I didn’t feel it was her beeswax to know my concerns about the girl’s spiritual state, and I didn’t want to hhmmph her off etc. etc.
I’d like to know what you would’ve said to this “offended” woman.
I guess in a situation like that, I would pass over it and not make a big deal of it, just like you did. It takes all kinds.
bravo! great post. i wonder where the “teach the younger women to be…. discreet, chaste…” comes in. no interest in drive-by rebukes here, or making decrees about other people’s dress. still, there must be some function for older women in the church teaching younger women in the church (since the context is clearly not only in a family setting) things about being modest, discreet, chaste. would be interested in your thoughts, nancy, as to how applying that Scripture might actually look/take place in a local church.
I very much appreciate the fact that you write on this topic every now and again. Our hearts are quickly given to forgetfulness on the things that do please the heart of God. I hope, that like Peter, you will “always stir us up by way of reminder as long as you have your earthly dwelling” on these matters. (2Peter 1:12-13) Your reminders are quick to point us to our own heart. I appreciate you, dear friend and mentor.
I know, Anna, I’m interested, too! I pretty much have the same questions you do, as in my comment way up at the top.
I have a question from the other side: What are you supposed to do when you’ve been approached by one such modesty police?
After that happened, my husband and I talked about it and concluded that he approves of the way I dress and I didn’t need to worry about the censure I’d received.
I struggle now with feeling judged by a self-righteous person who didn’t seem to have any love in her confrontation. This gives me no excuse to be bitter, but frankly, it’s hard to feel chummy with her.
Anna and Andrea,
Sorry for leaving your questions hanging there for so long. Here are a few thoughts. Yes, I think it is acceptable for a pastor to ask one of the older women to speak to another woman in the congregation about her dress. The main reason for this would not necessarily be because the pastor would feel awkward, but because the woman could feel awkward. Also, coming from the pastor, it might seem ten times as strong, even if he labored to be gentle about it. I have done this before, but believe me, it is not easy, and it is not always well received. And, I have to remember that coming from me, the pastor’s wife, may also seem to the poor girl that she is in big trouble, when actually I am just trying to give her a loving admonition.
What about the older women? Yes, ideally the older women should be teaching the younger women about modesty, both informal and formal teaching. Some churches have Sunday school classes or group studies on topics that are available to the women, both young and old. But in my experience, the “offenders” have often been those same women who have been in the classes.
So, we must approach this like wise women, thinking about how we are coming across, checking our own motives, and then double checking them.
From time to time my husband has given a modesty exhortation from the pulpit, and I believe that is effective also. Then it is given generally, and no one in particular is singled out.
Just a couple of things for you to consider. Let’s just say for the sake of this discussion, that the outfit you were spoken to about was objectively right on the line. Your husband says he likes it, but someone in the congregation is concerned about it.
If the correction came from a woman who is legalistic about dress, then I think it is wise to continue wearing it. Years ago there was a young man in our congregation who told my daughter that she should not wear pants to church. So my husband asked me to wear pants to church for a few weeks. Though I prefer a skirt on Sunday, I happily wore slacks. He wanted to make a point with this fellow who thought he had jurisdiction over the sisters’ dress.
Now, let’s say that your outfit really was immodest. But your husband is okay with it. That does not mean that you should automatically be okay with it too. Some husbands like to see their wives dressed provocatively. And God has given you the command to dress modestly.
Whenever you receive criticism, you ought to consider it, pray about it and think it over, and not automatically dismiss it. Sometimes our pride gets in the way so that we will not receive correction of any kind from anybody.
Since I do not know you and I haven’t seen the outfit and I don’t know what kind of woman addressed you or how she did it, I have to just encourage you to be humble. Thank her for her concern for you. Perhaps she did it with the best of motives. And consider whether she might not have a point. (And if she didn’t seem too loving, well, maybe she was ticked off at you. Sometimes that is what motivates women to correct, and that is always a poor motive.)
But if she doesn’t have a point, and you thank her, tell her you will consider it cheerfully, but then you and your husband agree that your dress is fine, then you should not feel weird around her any more.
Hope that response isn’t too complicated!
What do you think when you see a Muslim woman? what do you think when you see a Mennonite woman? You can easily identify both groups by their clothing. People judge men by what their women wear. What judgements just went through your head?
I was part of a Mennonite church some time ago, and thought I’d drop a quick line here.
Mennonite women may be completely covered, but that does not mean they are necessarily modest. I’ve seen mid-calf, high-neck, long-sleeved dresses that showed off what’s under the dress very accurately, and I do not think that modest. Mennonite groups are easily identified by their style of dress, but I guess I still think modesty is just as much an issue to be considered there as it is in other churches. It seems they are making a statement of separation more than a statement of modesty, in one sense. It is hard and almost impossible not to be legalistic about dress when you are taught that the world has it wrong
In fairness, I will say that the Mennonite style can be very modest and pretty; but so can a lot of other clothing.
I have a question to your response to the “Annonymous” post.
You said she should have a humble and thankful attitude toward the person and yet when your daughter was confronted on the issue of wearing pants to church, you wore them yourself several Sundays in a row. That does not seem to exhibit a humble attitude but one more that thumbs your nose at him.
I loved this post. I dressed inappropriately when I was younger (I’m now 39) and didn’t really see how important it was until I was married and had a husband who I believed when he told me the same things my Dad had tried to tell me:-) Now, I’m quite embarrassed by some of my past clothing choices! My question and thoughts over the years on this issue have to do with, how do we as Christian women set an example of feminine beauty not hiding that we are women, but not trying to show our form for the wrong reasons? I have a hard time when I see those who are concerned with modesty dressing in long skirts and tennis shoes. It seems that as Christians we could set an example of beauty in dress that would be an example of the beauty God has taken in His own creation. It would be so refreshing to learn how to dress beautifully (without breaking the bank) and be an example that our children and fellow women would love, not to mention, the men would be appreciative of:-) Any ideas?
This was an excellent post, but I do have a question for you. How would you handle this situation if the girl in question was your future daughter-in-law?
That’s a very good question. When we are confronted by anyone about our behavior, I think it is always best (though very hard) to be civil in return. “Thanks for your input. I’ll think about what you said.” Then, you may decide their input was crazy. But you’ve been gracious to them, even if they have been ungracious to you. With the pants question, we had a young man who had a theological view that any man in the church could correct any woman. He had what he thought was a high view of male authority. But my daughter was not under his authority in any way, and my husband wanted to make sure that this guy figured that out. (I’m happy to say that he eventually did.) I’m sure if a woman had approached my daughter and said the same thing, my husband would have asked us to wear pants just the same. And I hope you see that insisting on dresses for church is in a different category than mentioning that your dress is too revealing. Certainly both require wisdom and humility.
When the woman in question is your future daughter-in-law, then all the more reason for you to wait to be asked for your input. The way you treat her now will have a big impact on future generations! And if your son does not think she has a modesty problem, then it’s too late for you to try to convince him. Bear with her (and him) in love. It may be that you’ll see things improve after they are married.
I agree with you that modesty should be beautiful, not dumpy. I think you’ve got it figured out very nicely.
I have to say that your answer to Judy, above, is so perfectly lovely.
I hope that, when my time come, I will be as respectful and gentle to my daughters in law as you must certainly be.
I am greensgirl’s sister and would like to say that Nancy’s response to Judy proved so very true in our family’s situation w/ my sister. I was so irritated and frustrated w/ her when she was dressing immodestly and I would confront her, be critical of her, and really, let the fact that she was immodest be the only thing that mattered in our relationship. None of that made one bit of difference in changing how she dressed. (Surprise, surprise!:)
Her kind husband, (who, of course I thought could not be top-notch if he were attracted to my immodest sister!) is who God used to change her thinking and way of dress.
I am so proud of my sister and her family. I am humbled that they do not resent us, and love us so much…My sister is beautiful…so even dressed modestly attracts a lot of attention…she is beautiful inside too and is so approachable and able to minister to and love young gals who are like she once was.
God is good! (and so much wiser than we!) His kindness does lead to repentance.
Thanks, Nancy! It’s really helpful to read your comments (and everyone else’s for that matter!).
I suppose this might be a little tangential. When it comes to the question of “older women” I have a friend who’s just old enough to span the difference between me and someone my mother-in-law’s age, and it’s been such a blessing for me to have a younger “older woman” to ask about these things. What I think makes her qualified to instruct and even rebuke is that despite have three kids and various health challenges she’s always willing to make space for people. i’ve seen her change her entire morning’s plans at a moment’s notice to comfort a hurting young lady. She definitely has her own ideas and opinions, but having given them she’s willing (so far as I’ve seen) to step back and let people grow and experience God’s grace on His schedule and not her’s.
Also, on ignorance – I think there is a sort of ignorance that can lead to immodesty. When girls don’t grow up learning how to dress attractively I think there can be some stumbling around in later years as they try to find a balance between dressing attractively and dressing modestly.
I have taken it upon myself to advise friends in the past about there lack of attire. In almost all of these cases they were married women. After conversing with them I was told that not only did there husbands approve of the attire but they picked it out and purchased it for them to wear. While I do not have a husband who asks me to do this these women are submitting to a husbands authority. Aren’t they? This too is biblical. So I guess in a way I may be adding a 4th category to your reasons for “improper” dress. My husband and I have learned that if even in church someone is scantily clad we just find a new pew or spend much of the service looking at the floor just as has to be done at the supermarket or anywhere else around town. Tis the world we live in!
My husband wasn’t raised even knowing the word “modest”, although he was raised in a northern church. I’m a southern girl, and was raised in a very conservative “dresses only” IFB school. He finds it odd when I try to wear dresses / skirts and says he prefers me in my pants and sloppier wear. He also adores when I wear tanks and shorts (we’re in our mid 20s), although I can’t bring myself to wear them in public. I want to please my husband in the way I dress yet I also am drawn to the beautiful flowing dresses / skirts that I grew up around. It’s an odd sensation trying to find the mid road between, where both of us are happy.