Now that I wrote that clever title above, I see that you could take it two ways. And, coincidentally, that’s what this post is really about: moron parents. Some time ago I wrote something about daughters obeying their parents, even when they disagree with those parents, and then I had a follow-up post which got quarantined to the draft pile. That’s why this may seem out of nowhere. But, back to parents. Sad to say, shocking as it is, grievous as it is, some parents are demanding, self-centered, and idiotic nincompoops (noun; a fool or simpleton; origin 1670-80). And I do pity anyone who has parents like this.
However, all that said, a daughter with parents like this can still find ways to honor and obey them. It may be hard, but if she asks God for ways to be a submissive daughter, that is a prayer that will be answered. But if they are doing bone-headed awful things, then she should get some help.
For example, if parents are seriously trying to marry a daughter off to a man she doesn’t want to marry, I have already mentioned (in a comment in the original post on this) that she should call the pastor. In all the scads of weddings my husband has performed, he has never detected reluctance on the part of the bride. (I think I remember a groom with cold feet, but he got over it.) If my husband thought a daughter was being leaned on by her parents to marry the guy, he would in no way perform the wedding. And he would do all in his power to get the parents to straighten up. Good grief!
But let’s consider the kind of parents who are just normal ding-dongs and not the really evil kind of malicious parent who would pressure their daughter into marriage. The normal, average, ding-dong parent might still do some silly things. They might set curfews that a daughter may object to. They might insist she keep the cleavage covered and stay out of hot tubs with the boys. They might even be the kind who won’t let her post ridiculous pictures of herself on Facebook or let her get a tattoo. And they certainly won’t let her date the kid who thinks it is cool to trash talk his own parents.
Now this sort of thing could be seen by the daughter (let’s say she is a teenager) as heavy handed. But someday, if she gets wisdom, she will see that her parents were actually very, very smart.
But what about the woman who is transitioning out of her teens? If she has wise parents, they will have been taking the training wheels off gradually over the past several years. They won’t need to micro-manage her because they will trust her. She will have internalized the standards, she will love the standards that her parents have taught her, and she will be able to govern herself quite nicely, though she may still be asking her parents’ advice from time to time. The example I gave in the earlier post of the young woman whose parents required her to wear dresses was an example of parents who were loving, but not wise. Her sweet demeanor helped them to grow in wisdom.
As my husband has said many times, parents should not want their children to conform to the standard; they should want their children to love the standard. If your kids don’t love the standard, then lower the standard to a level they will love. When our son and daughters were in high school, I can’t think of anything that they had to obey. I’m sure that I asked them to set the table, or clean their room, or any number of things, but I doubt that I was thinking anymore of them obeying me, though you could say that technically that’s what it was. If they went out, they might ask what time we wanted them home, or we might ask what time they would be home. Because they loved the standard, we got along famously.
When the standard is unreasonable, and when daughters don’t love it, there is obvious tension. Nimcompoop parents sometimes have wise children, but not often. But in such a case, a wise daughter should look for as many ways as she can to obey her parents, and I would suggest she get some wise counsel from her pastor on how to do it. I have seen wise daughters work very hard to honor and obey their foolish parents. Sometimes they win out, and sometimes they become as foolish as their parents.