When my husband was in the military, he got a good understanding of authority. His commanding officers were to be saluted and yes-sir-ed , not because they were better at chess or got higher SAT scores, but because they were wearing the uniform with all the stars on the shoulders. They bore the responsibility and assumed authority. And if the man wearing the uniform was a very bad man, my husband would salute the uniform for what it stood for, not the man wearing it.

When God gives husbands the authority in a marriage, He also gives them the responsibility that goes with it. Wives are to submit to their husbands and treat them with respect out of reverence to God, not because husbands have higher IQ’s or bigger wing spans.

In a similar way, when God says the husband is the head of the wife, this is not because a Read More

Is it appropriate for a woman to “brag” about her husband? Children? Grandchildren? Well, it all depends. If the motive is to impress people, or if it springs from pride, arrogance, or a sense of competition, then we ought to keep our mouths shut. But if it is a way to honor your husband or your children in a public way, in a manner that would bless them, I think it can be edifying for everyone.

The bottom line always seems to be wisdom. Who is hearing the comments? What is the context? When I was first married and attending my first Bible study for married women, I was very surprised by the unkind comments made by wives about their husbands. I didn’t want to say anything about my own wonderful husband for fear of making them all feel bad that they got such crummy ones. Later I began to catch on to what was happening, and I decided that I should feel free to be positive about my husband unless the situation was a touchy one. Read More

I’ve heard that women like to talk to relieve stress, and I believe it. It just makes us feel better to talk things over, and we often figure out what we think by talking. Men, on the other hand, usually know what they think before they start talking. So, we sometimes need a listening ear to figure out what it is we think and feel and know. Although there is nothing wrong with this when it is used wisely, it can be dangerous when we are not guarding our lips.

This is probably why women sometimes badmouth their husbands. They are working through a trouble, and in order to do so, they have to spill the beans on what the trouble is, and in this case, it is a husband. The problem is that spilling the beans to a girlfriend can actually be disloyalty to your husband. You may just be working things out, so you share lots of details about the argument you had and how insensitive and unkind he was, and then you feel better, go home and forgive him, and press on from there, never looking back. But the girlfriend remembers that stupid thing your husband did or said every time she sees him, and she thinks to herself, “There’s that jerk of a husband.” And after some Read More

In a letter to her son, Abby Aldrich Rockefeller wrote these words:

“I am happy and contented wherever your father happens to be. He means home to me. I really feel sorry for the unhappy people who cannot find companionship in their married lives. I do not believe it is something that happens. I think it is something that is achieved.”

This reminds me of something my mother-in-law has said, quoting a friend of hers who remarked that even a Quonset hut looks pretty good if a husband is in it. I would add, especially if your husband is your best and true companion.

Many years ago I read a book by Walter Trobisch on marriage, and I think the title was something like I Loved a Girl. I remember very well a quote of his. It went something like this: “There is not a man on earth who can satisfy the heart of a woman.” I reflected on that quite a bit, and I am pretty sure it is true, true, true. A mere man who is made of flesh and blood simply does not have the capacity to satisfy the heart of a woman. It is impossible. A woman’s heart is created by God, and it is a mysterious thing (a real piece of work). So it makes sense that only He, the Creator God, can really fill, satisfy, complete, and meet the needs of a woman’s heart. This is important for women in all stations of life to chew on.The unmarried woman must realize that even though a husband is a tremendous gift from God, she cannot expect a husband to meet her deepest needs (whatever they are). Only God can do that, and He does it whether she is married or not. Read More

I’ve written a bunch on the duty of wives to respect their husbands, but as I live through the different stages of my own marriage, it astounds me how applicable God’s instructions are to all of us all the time. So I’m assuming another whack at it can’t hurt. New wives learn to respect their husbands to start off on the right foot; young wives with children find that their husbands need respect more than ever as they learn how to be a godly head of a home, as the two of them bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord; middle-aged wives can delight in respecting their husbands as they navigate through the empty nest years. And I am assuming that old age will only be better. God’s commands are not a burden; and the woman who has been respecting her husband for a few decades has made a significant contribution toward the peace, comfort, and joy of her marriage. All that respect is like money in the bank that is drawing a lot of interest. God always blesses obedience, and a woman is obeying God when she respects her husband. In many situations where marriage tangles are difficult to sort out, respect will only be a help to the situation, not a hindrance. And I do think some husbands are running on fumes and have been for many years. A little respect would probably bowl them right over.

The Bible tells wives to see that they respect their own husbands. I’d like to point out a couple of obvious things about both passages (in Eph. 5:22,33) and Col. 3:18). First of all, it tells the wives to see that they are doing this. It is not given to the husbands to see that their wives are doing this. Wives are to monitor themselves on this duty. Second, wives are to submit to and respect their own husbands, not anyone else’s. This is not a command to women in general to be submissive to men in general. No, you are to be in submission to one man: your husband. This protects you from all those other men. This is why I encourage unmarried women to think hard about whether they respect a man before they agree to marry him. Will you be able to respect him in five, ten, and twenty years? Women can marry men they do not respect, and they do it all the time. This means the command will be burdensome to them. But a woman who marries a man she can look up to, trust, and admire, will not find it a challenge to respect her husband.