Note: This is part of a chapter for a book for unmarried women, so they are singled out in this article, but not because married women don’t have the same kinds of problems. The point I am making here is that unmarried women have the opportunity to get a lot of things straightened out before they are married. No time like the present. And no, I am not in any way suggesting that marriage is a reward for holiness. If that were the case, no one would be married.Â
I mentioned earlier that when women worry, it is as though they are taking ugly pills. All sin of every kind destroys us, but some sin really can make us visibly unattractive. Anxiety and bitterness are like that. A peaceful woman, with a gentle and quiet spirit, is beautiful, but a woman with a disrupted spirit gets uglier and uglier.It is very popular today to have “issues,” to be depressed, or to come from a “dysfunctional” family. This is actually hip and cool. But sin in all forms is ugly, ugly, ugly. Real troubles have real biblical solutions (though some may be very difficult), but some women find security in having hang-ups and troubles. It gives them a story, provides an identity for them. But we should find our identity in Christ. He has freed us from our sins. Yes, we all have troubles. Everyone has troubles. But the unmarried woman ought to determine to get help for her troubles so that she can press on in her Christian life, and not have to drag her family’s sins or her own messed up past (or present) with her into the future.How does she do this? Of course the specifics will vary with each woman, but here are a few starting principles. First, take a look at your shortcomings. What are they? If you were a character in a book you were reading, would you like the character? If not, why? What sort of transformation needs to take place? What does the Bible say about your situation? If you are not sure, do a Bible search. Use a concordance. Do a little Bible study yourself. Does the Bible address bitterness? Yes. Adultery? Yes. Shoplifting? Yes. God’s Word addresses everything. If there are sins you need to repent of, think about how to make restitution for them. You may need to seek forgiveness from your parents, from a friend, a teacher, or a boss. You may need to pay old debts off, return stolen goods, or confess to cheating on a test. This is simply taking care of business.If you need help, go to your pastor and get his advice and counsel on how to proceed. The important thing here is that you are making every effort to progress in your Christian walk and not putting things off. We all underestimate the polluting effects of sin in our lives; determine to put to death all sin by the power of the Spirit. That means, according to Colossians 3:1-10, putting your affection on Christ and putting off things like sexual impurity, anger, lying, covetousness, and filthy talk. The unmarried woman cannot afford to be complacent about sin anymore than anyone else can. And if you have managed to camouflage some of your sin so that your friends don’t see it, you cannot hide it from God. Deal with it all by the grace of God. Sin is a weight and a hindrance and needs to be confessed and forsaken. Forgiveness is freedom and life. Don’t rename the sin, call it what it is. Don’t excuse or justify the sin, confess it. And don’t put it off any longer. Life is too short. Get on to the next chapter in the book.
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I agree with everything you say in terms of the importance of getting help with problems and confessing sins, but I’m not sure why you’ve labeled this or targeted this to the “unmarried sisters.” Shouldn’t both the unmarried woman and the married woman get help for their troubles?! You seem to imply that the reason women may be unmarried is that they have all these troubles and sins they haven’t dealt with, as though the married women have gotten over these things and thus been blessed with a husband. (I think both groups have their share of troubles and sins, even though the nature of these MAY tend to differ somewhat!)
Thanks, DrLiz, I’ve added a comment at the top that should help clarify.
On the other hand, although we can’t always assume some direct correlation between sin and singleness (like the disciples asking, “Why was this man born blind? Was it his sin or his parents’?”), we should be open to recognizing that sin sometimes does hinder some of us from getting married. And when we do recognize that, we should be grateful that God has protected us from making an even bigger mess of things.
This topic has really hit home with me as one who ignorantly rested on the Amercian cultural crutch of having “issuesâ€.
1) I love and receive what Nancy said as her comments helped me define what I was actually doing–resting and finding identity (even a sense of community) in having issues.
2) It took several years of God unraveling me and with each exposure, I struggled with the comments posted by Dr. Liz, ” dag, I’ll never be chosen with these glaring issues. Or I must be single because I’m displaying these “issues.†Of course satan played accomplice to my flesh in these accusations or should I say, I stood with satan joining in with his mostly true accusations about me before God. I participated in such self-treason for years. Entrapping me in a pit of miry clay made up of guilt, regret, and reoccuring feelings rejection.
3) Miraculously, I am now able to take the whole counsel of this post without any static in my spirit. Static as in regret, hurt or resentment over my failures.
For I think all three posts (nancy and the two comments) are different paragraphs on the same Holy page. I said all the above to say that I agree with all three posts here.
As through the Grace of Jesus appearing to me, over several years of struggle and repeat offenses, I am able to now conclude that YES indeed, sin (my issues) has, on a significant level, hindered me from marriage. BUT the Provident paradox is I thank Jesus for His wisdom in allowing such emotional tragedies to break my will and the idolatrous high places in my heart so that I could truly see the affront my resting on my emotional crutches (“issuesâ€) was to Him. So I could repent and renounce such behavior.
At the same time, I see clearly many sisters who did enter into marriage carrying their “issues†front and center. And as a consequence are learning lessons on the back end I and others have been fortuante to learn on the front end. I’ve had the luxury of learning with relatively no major consequence to anyone but myself.
Actually, I weep for sisters in marriages who are dealing with significant “issues†in the middle of their marriage. It seems to be an unnecessary evil that hitched a ride in. But nothing too hard for God. It makes the success story sweeter. He specializes in cleaning up messes we make. Which supports sister Nancy’s intent and insights in starting this blog!
“The point I am making here is that unmarried women have the opportunity to get a lot of things straightened out before they are married. â€
And this repenting single girl said “AAAAAAMENâ€