I know, no one asked for this, but spring is in the air and courtships are blossoming all around. So, here’s a little motherly advice for the young ladies. Two things. And I’ll keep them brief.
One: Don’t be too easily impressed. Make sure you admire this man’s character. It’s not enough to think he is handsome and charming. Is he a man of integrity? Is he a man after God’s own heart?
Two: Guard your heart. Some courtships advance all the way to the altar. Some don’t. Keep your heart at the same level as the commitment. Don’t let your heart race ahead.
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Whatever advice you’ve got I’ll take. Both are super sound suggestions, but the last one, how do I do that?
I blush with embarrassment when I think about the “beta” courting couple in our church, ten years back. We were *all* so excited. After two weeks we were so ready for an engagement announcement…arghhh!
By God’s grace, and in spite of their church family, they were married and have four lovely kids.
Jassy,
Just keep your heart reined in. Don’t spend time daydreaming about the wedding yet. Just pay attention and don’t get carried away. You want to be able to think straight and see if you really do admire him the way you should for the right things. It’s not easy to keep your heart from rushing ahead, but it is possible, and it is wise.
No, I completely agree. I must remember the pay attention part, I never really do, much to my chagrin. I really like the single gal advice you post by the way. Thank you!
Any advice for actually getting to the courtship stage in the first place? I hear you on the “courtships blossoming all around” but it’s definitely not me!
Amen to that wonderful exhortation, Nancy! 🙂 I know I’m on the other side of things now (two years of marriage and two babies later!), but I remember how difficult it was to be in my mid-twenties and longing for a soul-mate. So to the single young women out there…never forget that God IS faithful, even when it seems like it will never happen…His timing is not always ours, but He loves us and has our best interest at heart, no matter the outcome. Don’t let the yearning cloud your perspective! Blessings!
Nancy, what do we do with a daughter who was raised in the church, and still attends, but is considering marriage to a non-believer? We tell her that she’s not trusting God. She says that she’s doing nothing wrong. We’ve given her scriptures about being unequally yoked but she says that’s our “interpretation”.
Please help!
-Nancy E.
Nancy,
Of course this is tricky from my distance. First I would check your definitions of both believer and non-believer. Is he baptized? A member of another denomination? Or an out-and-out pagan?
Next suggestion would be for you to get help from your pastor. Of course the Bible is clear about being unequally yoked. So marrying an unbeliever is not only disobedient, it promises to be a long-term difficulty.
So if he really is an unbeliever, and if she really is a Christian, and they are intent on getting married, and they are of age, then it is going to be difficult for you to stop them now. If you have lovingly reasoned with them, but they persist, then I think you as parents could refuse to pay for the wedding, and Dad could refuse to walk her down the aisle to give her away. This should be communicated as a principled decision, not an angry decision. And I don’t think you should “disown” her or refuse to attend the wedding. Let them both know that although you oppose the marriage in the first place, you will do all you can to help them stay together after the wedding takes place. Don’t burn your bridges.
Blessings,
Nancy