We probably all know married couples who are childless and wondering if they should a) keep waiting and praying; b) look into fertility treatments; or c) pursue adoption. Every situation is different, and so I am not in any way attempting here to make this seem like an easy choice. But if you are in this situation, here are a few general considerations.
First, there is nothing wrong with waiting and praying. I would simply add the warning here that too much focus on trying to conceive can cause pressure on the relationship, and that pressure can end up alienating husband and wife. It is possible to make one another feel inadequate, which just leads to more tension and frustration. So make sure your waiting and praying is not characterized by discontent or envy or self-pity. These are unfruitful attitudes and the thing you are wanting is fruitfulness. And if the waiting and praying is causing the marriage bed to become a joyless striving, then the desire to conceive has moved beyond its lawful place. If this describes you, then I urge you not to move on to adoption or medical help yet. You must solve the joyless problem first. Otherwise you will take it right along with you. A discontent childless woman who conceives will soon become a discontent mother.
I have known couples without children to look for other ways to be fruitful, and so they have used their gifts to glorify God and bless the church community. And I have seen God prosper and bless these couples with a good return on their efforts. So I suggest you start there. How has God has equipped you? What are your gifts and abilities? What are your opportunities? Before you immediately turn to b) or c), consider these things. He has given you one another, and that is a wonderful provision in itself. Turn a profit on your circumstances. Keep your eye on the blessings. It is only natural to want children. Even so, there are many afflictions in this world. How does God want us to behave when we have difficulty, affliction, or distress? The Bible has much to say about such things. Find out what the Christian demeanor is to be in such things, and thank God that you have the opportunity to apply His Word. Cultivate thanksgiving. Make your home and your marriage a joyful altar on which you serve the Lord Jesus. He will bless you in this.
Now let me just say a couple of things about fertility treatments. Assuming you are joyfully content, of course it is entirely lawful for a Christian woman to get checked out by a physician, preferably a Christian who has a high view of children and biblical ethical standards. It is possible that you have a condition that can be treated. But once you allow the professionals to start fertilizing little eggs in a petri dish, you are playing God. And you are introducing ethical dilemmas into an area where you are seriously over your head. So keep your life simple. If you can achieve pregnancy by some procedure that will not involve freezing fertilized eggs or flushing fertilized eggs, then proceed with caution. But just because something is possible does not mean that it is righteous, holy, or good. It might be diabolical.
But what about adoption? The same beginning point is absolutely necessary. You do not want to adopt a child out of your own neediness. If you do, you will find that a little child will not satisfy your needs. Adoption is not a cure for needy mothers. Adoption is not about you at all; it is about a little child who needs a home. When parents rush to adopt because they have a need to be parents, they are coming at it all the wrong way, and it will be a hard and rude awakening. Of course this is true when couples conceive children as well. Becoming a mother will either make you more selfless or more selfish, depending on your starting point. Selfish unmarried women become selfish married women, and selfish wives can become selfish mothers, whether by adoption or by conceiving on their own. I hope you see my point here.
Now I realize each situation will be different, and I don’t pretend this post has covered all the possibilities. So get some pastoral advice if your situation is sticky. Meanwhile, in all things give thanks.