Since my husband is the one who actually officiates at so many weddings, I asked him for his top ten pointers. And here they are.
1. Don’t lock your knees. (He’s only lost one groomsman in all these years!)
2. Respect the customs surrounding weddings. (In other words, the mother of the groom doesn’t run the wedding).
3. Decorate according to your taste, but stick with what is the established norm. Don’t try to invent a whole new way of having a wedding.
4. Don’t use trumpets unless you have a world-class trumpeter.
5. Don’t make the bride look good by making all the bridesmaids look bad. (Okay, I must add an editorial comment here. My husband really thought for years that there must be some custom of making the bridesmaids look awful. I know, that’s sad, isn’t it? See my point #5.)
6. The attendants always face the bride, where ever she is. She is the crown, the focal point of the coronation.
7. Give mile-markers at the reception, such as, “The bride and groom will be leaving at eight o’clock…” That way your guests have an idea of how long the party will be going.
8. Just an observation here: It’s a lovely custom for the bride and groom to give gifts to their attendants at the rehearsal dinner.
9. Use standard vows; don’t write your own. And don’t be affected by egalitarianism and feminism when it comes to taking your vows. Stick to the Bible.
10. Honor the Word of God at your wedding: have it read, declared, and have your vows based on it.
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Oh, I LOVE Point #9. Most people can’t write a shopping list, much less their wedding vows.
“Hear, hear” to number 4, speaking from personal experience. (Not at my own wedding—my trumpeters were excellent. But speaking as one who has done my share of note-cracking during Trumpet Voluntary. No more wedding gigs for me!)
Amen to number 4 too, Angie! I am also speaking from personal experience, and it WAS my wedding! I’m sure this one of the weddings Doug remembers since he married us.
Which point is the parenthetical comment in #5 supposed to refer to? Surely not itself?
I still remember #1 being one of the first things our pastor told my husband. And I never thought of #7, but that’s great advice. I’m going to make sure to tell my sons and daughters about that one when the time comes.
These are great posts – our congregation just had a wedding this weekend and an engagement announced this morning! Lots of good advice!
Jane — Point #5 in the previous post.
Thanks, Valerie. Duh.
As a veteran bridesmaid/matron, I very much appreciate the “be kind to your attendants” points in these two posts. During my wedding, I found out how difficult it is to find a good option for the bridesmaids (especially if you have a large wedding party with many different body types/modesty preferences), but it’s always possible. Kindness from the bride about this decision is always SO much appreciated by the bridesmaids. They won’t often ask you for grace in this area, but their clothing can make the difference between a day where it’s a little difficult to rejoice with your friend and one where it’s very easy 🙂
Something I have seen in recent weddings is to select a good semi-neutral color and then allow the bridesmaids to choose a dress in that color that suits their body shape.
My sister chose black, and we all got to pick out nice, simple, inexpensive dresses that we have worn and re-worn in the last few years.
Amanda, I did a similar thing – the only requirement was for my bridesmaids to have a black dress of their choosing in a similar length. The price point and style were up to them. Sometimes I regret not doing something more interesting, but at least my bridesmaids got to reuse their dresses! 🙂
I only had a maid of honor at my wedding, and I encouraged her to pick a dress in the color I’d selected, that she could at least wear again to a semi-formal dance (we were just out of college, so homecoming or something like that was still realistic.) I don’t know if that plan actually succeeded (whether she was able to wear it again) — but I tried!
I passed these on to my son and his beautiful fiance, who are to be married this Saturday. Judging by their plans and preparations, they seem to be in agreement with your advice, but I wasn’t sure my son had thought about his knees.
#4- pass that one along again and again! 🙂 I may or may not have personal experience with that at my wedding.
I once went to a wedding where the couple really tried to model Christ & the Church. To the point where the bride entered first (the Church) because it was the groom (Christ) who is supposed to come to her. It was odd!
Way back when, all my bridesmaids lived spread out. So we picked a simple dress pattern,and matching material and they all agreed to make or have the dress made to suit them. Also we picked a color that flattered them, and my guests assumed that was my preferred color. All my textile gifts were in that shade. Glad it was neutral enough, but wasn’t my personal favorite. 🙂