Married women have needs; unmarried women have needs. Little girls have needs, teenage young ladies have needs. There is no escaping it. I dare say men have needs too. God created us to be in fellowship with Him, and this is what puts us fundamentally right so that we are able and enabled to minister to one another. We are designed to live in community and God gives us the privilege of blessing one another, loving one another, forgiving one another, and living sacrificially for one another. Living in this way by the grace of God is what makes us well-adjusted or secure or whole people.Unmarried women are hungering for that close community that is only found in marriage. They can enjoy the fact that they live in community, but they want more. God has put this hunger in them and it is good by definition. The central thing I enjoyed about Debbi Maken’s book (Getting Serious About Getting Married) was the way she addressed the worldview problems in the church about marriage: mainstream evangelicalism has a nasty habit of labeling singleness as a “gift.” Now I suppose that it is a Read More

Note: This is part of a chapter for a book for unmarried women, so they are singled out in this article, but not because married women don’t have the same kinds of problems. The point I am making here is that unmarried women have the opportunity to get a lot of things straightened out before they are married. No time like the present. And no, I am not in any way suggesting that marriage is a reward for holiness. If that were the case, no one would be married. 

I mentioned earlier that when women worry, it is as though they are taking ugly pills. All sin of every kind destroys us, but some sin really can make us visibly unattractive. Anxiety and bitterness are like that. A peaceful woman, with a gentle and quiet spirit, is beautiful, but a woman with a disrupted spirit gets uglier and uglier.It is very popular today to have “issues,” to be depressed, or to come from a “dysfunctional” family. This is actually hip and cool. But sin in all forms is ugly, ugly, ugly. Real troubles have real biblical solutions (though some may be very difficult), but some women find security in having hang-ups and troubles. It gives them a story, provides an identity for them. But we should find our identity in Christ. He has freed us from our sins. Yes, we all have troubles. Everyone has troubles. But the unmarried woman ought to determine to get help for her troubles so that she can press on in her Christian life, and not have to drag her family’s sins or her own messed up past (or present) with her Read More

Good doctrine protects us from all kinds of errors and all kinds of fears. One of the important things you must know, understand, and believe is that God has planned good for you and not evil. He loves His children. His
Providence rules His world and He governs His people with kindness. “All the paths of the Lord are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies” (Psalm 25:10). If you have a solid biblical doctrine of God’s omnipotence, omnipresence, and omniscience, this will protect you from many doubts, worries, and fears about the future, as well as keep you from fretting over the past.

            The unmarried woman can expect to be assailed with temptations to worry about the future: What if I never marry? What if I marry, but it is too late to have children? What if there is no one for me after all? What if I missed “God’s best”? These are questions that are impossible to answer because all “what if” questions are not really questions at all, but doubts. They disrupt your peace and bring troubling thoughts; they rob you of your joy by introducing fictional and future trials. Jesus said not to borrow trouble because each day has enough of its own. These sorts of thoughts are temptations, and God wants you to learn to deal with temptations, whatever form they take.

            Jesus tells us not to be anxious about our lives (Mt. 6:31-33). We are to cast all our cares on Him because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).Worrying will only make life miserable. It is fruitless. So how do you deal with temptations that come in the form of “what if” questions? This may seem like a simplistic answer, but here it is: ignore them. Do not answer them; in fact, do not listen to them. Rather, ask what good things God has given you to do today. Focus on today’s duties. This is a fruitful use of your time. Recognize that those “what if” questions are temptations to get you to feel blue, worried, lonely, or anxious. Do not engage in a conversation with yourself about this stuff. Ignore, ignore, ignore. And set your mind on something helpful, something that is profitable. This is how we fear God. And when we fear God, that holy fear swallows up all our other petty fears. Read More